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Old 08-24-2017, 01:31 AM
1,659 posts, read 822,952 times
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Nope. Hated my dad. Loved my mom and she was smart, but certain aspects kept her from reaching her potential.
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Old 08-24-2017, 02:41 AM
Location: We_tside PNW (Columbia Gorge) / CO / SA TX / Thailand
22,628 posts, read 39,998,659 times
Reputation: 23785
As much as I have tried to 'improve' on the 'mistakes' of previous generations... it is ironic to see how similar it has ended up. Now to AVOID the stroke that put my dad down at age 49! (currently I am living on borrowed time for over a decade ). I will try to avoid becoming an invalid / dependent and living with my kids for 30+ yrs...

Let's NOT repeat that!

too bad about 'tendencies / family skillset'... it is both a burden and a curse. (My mom did 8 'executive 'Flip-Houses' AFTER she retired. Living in them 24+ months to collect up to the $500k tax free gains. (She had several with gains over $300k). I am feeling 'too tired' to do too many more myself. but... we all enjoy it a lot! Remodeling and also building from scratch. We may get it right, eventually... At age 86, I caught her looking at another 'fixer' (usually a 'dated' home on a golf course, or with a superb view). She does (did) everything from ripping the roof off and re-framing to vaulted, moving walls / opening up the home to make it gorgeous and ez to resell. I see her suffering back pain, probably from laying 10,000sf of pavers on one house.

Last edited by StealthRabbit; 08-24-2017 at 02:49 AM..
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Old 08-24-2017, 03:15 AM
Location: Idaho
1,455 posts, read 1,157,295 times
Reputation: 5503
I admire both of my parents but would not want to copy either of their life.

They overcame several major upheavals in their lives and successfully raised 12 children. While no one could have predicted nor prevented life events, having to raise a large family is something which none of their children want to repeat ;-)

I don't think that either of my parents want their kids to repeat their lives. We certainly don't want our daughter to repeat ours either. We are all individuals with different personality, temperament, talents and interests. This individuality shapes our life so it's impossible to think that there are 2 lives which are identical.

For example, I share my dad's intellectual inclination, his love for art and travel. I also share my mother's love of nature and mechanical/engineering aptitude. I would not be happy to be just like one of them.

Of course, I also inherit some of their personality traits both good and bad. I may be fooling myself in thinking that some of bad traits are diluted but certainly would not want to think that I am just like one of them in the moments of their worst behaviors ;-)
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Old 08-24-2017, 04:21 AM
1,137 posts, read 571,069 times
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Boy, what a telling thread!!

For me, NO, but not for the formerly ascribed reasons. Parents were blessed throughout their lives. Dad worked (as a county adminstrator) in social work, and dedicated his life to helping others. Mom was the perfect professional's wife. No alcoholics (social drinkers), and were absolutely surrounded by good friends that stayed in touch until their deaths. To this day, I can't believe the circle of friends, really GOOD friends they had.

Though not close to rich (middle-middle class), dad was fiscally responsible, and his planning gave them and our family a good life filled with love and some really cherished memories. His planning, until his death at 83, provided enough investment income to keep my mom healthy and happy until she passed 1 month shy of her 100th birthday.

Because of strong family ties, I am still close to my brother, sister disappeared into religion somewhere, hope she's happy; she was a good kid. I have always been the wanderer and explorer of the family. Chasing money was never a family goal, friendships were, but now that the dust has settled, I am doing OK, have a great marriage, and shortly, am about to retire. My life path was uniquely my own. I don't believe anyone in the family would have wanted to do what I have done!!
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Old 08-24-2017, 04:25 AM
71,706 posts, read 71,829,507 times
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nope , my parents were pretty poor . i spent my lifetime working at not being poor .
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Old 08-24-2017, 04:51 AM
519 posts, read 431,200 times
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While I love, and admire, my parents, in a word: no.
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Old 08-24-2017, 05:19 AM
1,128 posts, read 790,558 times
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Good grief, NO! My own children thank me often fo being the mother I was to them...in spite of having absolutely no modeling of loving parents to learn from myself.
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Old 08-24-2017, 05:33 AM
Location: RVA
2,172 posts, read 1,269,651 times
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Wow. Just wow. So much angst and toxicity! Explains much. For me, exactly like my parents, no, of course not. But the reality is, the lack of education, or maybe the appreciation of a good education is what was the most negatively dominant factor in my decision. But considering where both my parents started at, and ended up, I could do a lot worse. I had a great childhood, imho. No alcoholics or drug users, though my mother was a chain smoker (keeps me thin, she always said) and it killed her at 69. Since I am the oldest and was born before they were 18, I remember very clearly how they evolved, from kids in their 20's with too much responsibility and not enough money and yet it worked just fine. I often thought, "when my parents were my age they were.....", and I am humbled at times. I don't think (actually I know I couldn't ) I could have done all they did, with as little as they had. A lot was luck of timing, and a few smart decisions, but they took chances and took on projects I would not have. They retired far younger than I am now, and I still have 2 years & a few months to go. But they wore themselves out. Almost never took vacations, as they thought their relatively comfortable home was enough reward. When we were very young, (and so were they) we went on weekend one day mini vacation trips to the beach, or an amusement park, etc. I LOVED those times. As they got older with more kids, bills and more responsible, that all stopped, as they worked to make sure they had a future. If they had had the education, they could have been very well off for their golden years. Once they "got there" they were classic "don't know what to do now". Their whole life was chasing a dream, which they got. But then they lost most of it because of not understanding. I should not have that problem, as while I could easily retire now, I set my bar much higher, with goals and reasons for the goals, and I'm so close, I feel it will be worth it. I hope I am right. I do sometimes wish I had the great kids they had....hehehe.

Last edited by Perryinva; 08-24-2017 at 05:44 AM..
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Old 08-24-2017, 06:44 AM
Location: Upstate, NY
609 posts, read 262,402 times
Reputation: 753
No way. Everyone wants to live his or her own life, of course. What I find interesting is how many folks strongly react negatively to their parents' lives. My father used to tell me that the goal was for his children to have a better life than my mom and him. They grew up in the Depression era and, wow, did that affect them. I often think about how my father was such a better man than I am, and that my mother overcame incredible challenges that I probably couldn't manage. But I don't think they were often happy or even content.

I, too, would never want to live my parents' lives.
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Old 08-24-2017, 07:20 AM
538 posts, read 1,135,678 times
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My parents lived a decent life. Poor when we were young but upwardly mobile. My dad passed away last year, never got to enjoy the comfortable retirement he and my mom had saved and invested for.

As for me, I've never wanted kids, and I wasn't interested in marrying young. I always thought I'd marry around 40 but surprised myself at 34. That's still a far cry from 23, which is how old my mom was when she married my dad, whom she had known for all of 5 months. In many respects, I am living a life very similar to theirs - or at least to my dad. Steady career, not rich but doing well financially, stable marriage, and should be able to retire comfortably, hopefully at a younger age than my dad. My mom immigrated after marrying a near stranger and with no education, worked her way through college and an MBA with two kids, a house, a husband, and a job, and is now earning 6 figures in government work. It's a great story but it sure sounds like a lot of work!
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