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Old 08-24-2017, 01:37 PM
 
825 posts, read 564,319 times
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I wish I were more like my mother. She was so full of unconditional love, peace, and nonjudgmental kindness. I wish I had 1/4 of the helpfulness and goodwill that she showed the world.

But her life! Raised by Roman Catholic immigrants, married to someone she didn't know well--a man who turned out to be a nightmare, an impossible person to live with--chained to him for life. She became pregnant every year for more than 10 years before she started unobtrusively sleeping on the couch instead of in the marital bedroom. She did her best to protect us (her large number of children) from the cruelty and abuse of the man to whom she happened to be chained for life.

But after a couple of decades, she managed to gather her courage and defy my father/the Church to first learn to drive, then get a job, and then finally file for divorce. It took years and a lot of scary abuse from my father, but she finally freed herself from those chains. She was still in her forties, but she never looked at another man for the rest of her life. Probably amazed at her lucky escape and not wanting to jinx her luck.

I entered womanhood determined never to be trapped like her into a life of helpless serial pregnancy, financial dependence, and domestic slavery to a cruel, abusive man.

I'm sure that my father had his own demons. What those demons were, I can only guess, because he never apologized or even seemed to comprehend that he had made our childhood a nightmare of abuse and cruelty, and his marriage the same. I had numerous brothers and sisters, but he alienated them all. He ended up dying alone and lying dead for months in his home before the postal service noticed his mailing piling up.

A pitiful end, but all of his own making.

Last edited by josie13; 08-24-2017 at 01:56 PM..
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Old 08-24-2017, 01:37 PM
 
9,192 posts, read 9,271,792 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ChickPea77 View Post
As you are now

What I mean copied your parents life , I mean every aspect work amount of children , marriage etc
My parents, by any measure, lived successful lives and than some.

They were economically successful. They raised two children who grew up to be productive members of society. They lived in nice houses and owned nice cars. They lived to be old. In fact, my 98 year old mother is still alive. They obtained college degrees in a good university. They had/have good health insurance.

It would be difficult to find an area of life where they failed.

Even so, it could only be said I copied parts of their lives. I am glad I did some things differently. My wife and I found success in our own individual way. My career aspirations were not as high as those of my father. Nevertheless, I have found success too.

In order to have true happiness, we must find success on our own. It is not something that we can copy or borrow from others.
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Old 08-24-2017, 01:55 PM
 
12,825 posts, read 20,138,510 times
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You can really see generational differences on this thread.

The oldest set of cohorts mainly have / had parents who were poorer and less educated than they were. So they don't want to copy their parents for obvious reasons.

Then there is a slighly younger set of cohorts, 2nd wave "Disco" Boom I reckon, whose parents did Leave it to Beaver and this set of cohorts were able to copy the best parts of that. Granted there were fewer SAHMs but in general the middle American life of plenty was attained. This is where I see the comments about being somewhat like the parents.

Then, you hit X and younger. Unless we came from the hood or some sort of struggling 1st generation immigrant background, or became super stars in our fields, we are not able to equal or best what our parents obtained. So we don't want to be like our parents because if we did, we'd all be broke. We don't have as much relative cash flow as our parents did and therefore have had to adopt a very different pattern of living.
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Old 08-24-2017, 02:38 PM
 
1,128 posts, read 789,412 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BayAreaHillbilly View Post
You can really see generational differences on this thread.

The oldest set of cohorts mainly have / had parents who were poorer and less educated than they were. So they don't want to copy their parents for obvious reasons.

Then there is a slighly younger set of cohorts, 2nd wave "Disco" Boom I reckon, whose parents did Leave it to Beaver and this set of cohorts were able to copy the best parts of that. Granted there were fewer SAHMs but in general the middle American life of plenty was attained. This is where I see the comments about being somewhat like the parents.

Then, you hit X and younger. Unless we came from the hood or some sort of struggling 1st generation immigrant background, or became super stars in our fields, we are not able to equal or best what our parents obtained. So we don't want to be like our parents because if we did, we'd all be broke. We don't have as much relative cash flow as our parents did and therefore have had to adopt a very different pattern of living.
This has got to be the most delusional post on this thread! Full of silly generalizations.
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Old 08-24-2017, 02:54 PM
 
Location: Blue Ridge Mountains
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Lol are you kidding!!!? My father was a Dr my mother was a lawyer...I could never have lived their snobby intellectual NYC BS! UUUUGGGGGHHHHH....NEVER NEVER NEVER!
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Old 08-24-2017, 03:19 PM
 
Location: Albuquerque NM
1,659 posts, read 1,523,899 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Red On The Noodle View Post
I wish I had my mother's life! She only had to work about 10 years total her whole life and managed to retire with a pension at 55. Granted it's a small pension, but my father has a giant one and with their SS, they have it made.


They were able to travel all over the USA and Canada and Alaska starting at the "young" age of 55, staying months in some places.
Yes, I would not want my parent's life but I have a few friends where I would not mind having their mother's life - usually their dads had to work too hard for my taste.
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Old 08-24-2017, 03:23 PM
 
12,825 posts, read 20,138,510 times
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Originally Posted by Sharpydove View Post
This has got to be the most delusional post on this thread! Full of silly generalizations.
You can go for personal attacks however there are well established economic and social statistics that bolster what I wrote.
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Old 08-24-2017, 03:32 PM
 
2,049 posts, read 862,636 times
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Many good observations but you didn't hit one point. The reason older people are sometimes better off than their kids is because they saved and/or invested their money instead of spending it. They spent less than they made, for decades. Coming from poor backgrounds they didn't want to endure poverty in their old age so they saved and invested and spent less than they made for 30 or 40 years to get to financial independence. The kids, who never went hungry or did without or worried about money often never learned financial planning, frugality, and deferring rewards.
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Old 08-24-2017, 03:33 PM
 
Location: Wisconsin
21,538 posts, read 44,002,416 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BayAreaHillbilly View Post
You can really see generational differences on this thread.

The oldest set of cohorts mainly have / had parents who were poorer and less educated than they were. So they don't want to copy their parents for obvious reasons.

Then there is a slighly younger set of cohorts, 2nd wave "Disco" Boom I reckon, whose parents did Leave it to Beaver and this set of cohorts were able to copy the best parts of that. Granted there were fewer SAHMs but in general the middle American life of plenty was attained. This is where I see the comments about being somewhat like the parents.

Then, you hit X and younger. Unless we came from the hood or some sort of struggling 1st generation immigrant background, or became super stars in our fields, we are not able to equal or best what our parents obtained. So we don't want to be like our parents because if we did, we'd all be broke. We don't have as much relative cash flow as our parents did and therefore have had to adopt a very different pattern of living.
I think, for the most part, this is true. I grew up in the 50's, am now 75. Father and mother, born in 1912, mother from immigrant parents, father 2nd generation, both probably never graduated high school. We managed, but just barely. He worked for the postal service. Dad intelligent and voracious reader but surely hamstrung by parentage, the Depression, and other life events. I left home and did better - although no college - which wasn't essential to financial stability at the time although, of course, a professional career would surely have changed my life dramatically. My son, of course, did college. So, we're getting there.

Quote:
Originally Posted by LiveLoveLaugh View Post
Lol are you kidding!!!? My father was a Dr my mother was a lawyer...I could never have lived their snobby intellectual NYC BS! UUUUGGGGGHHHHH....NEVER NEVER NEVER!
Yabut, you had pretty darn good life materially and a huge leg up socially and educationally from those not brought up in professional homes. Snobby intellectual is far better than ignorance and stupidity.

I'm like MJ. When money is always a obstacle and colors every decision - you do what is necessary to change that.

Last edited by Ariadne22; 08-24-2017 at 03:59 PM..
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Old 08-24-2017, 03:46 PM
 
12,825 posts, read 20,138,510 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bobspez View Post
Many good observations but you didn't hit one point. The reason older people are sometimes better off than their kids is because they saved and/or invested their money instead of spending it. They spent less than they made, for decades. Coming from poor backgrounds they didn't want to endure poverty in their old age so they saved and invested and spent less than they made for 30 or 40 years to get to financial independence. The kids, who never went hungry or did without or worried about money often never learned financial planning, frugality, and deferring rewards.
My parents spent way more money than me and DW will ever hope to spend. Some of it was necessary. They had kids whereas me and DW are child free. They lived the "normal" suburban life in two successively larger ranch homes built respectively in the 50s and 60s. They went on more vacations and bought more expensive toys. They also had excellent wage growth until very late in their careers. They experienced unreal appreciation in real estate. Etc, etc.

My big spending (if you can even call it that) was limited to a short stretch of my 20s. I've had a 401K since I was a new grad, plus other areas of saving. Still, my cash flow balance never was, is not and likely never will be as positive as my parents' during a vast portion of their adult lives.

Anyone who's paying attention to macro economics should find none of this surprising. Wage growth for most people hit an inflection point in 1973 or there abouts. My parents were very lucky their own wage growth continued until nearly the end of the 20th Century. Mine hit the skids not much later, but that was relatively early in my own career vs the careers of my parents.
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