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Hmm.......I always thought I was maybe a bit different, not having a coterie of friends. But it seems I'm the same as most of the posters on here - 2 real friends, one is a cousin - and that's about it. Besides DH, of course. I figured I was on the bottom end of the social scale in that way, but maybe it's more common than not to have fewer and fewer real friends as we get older.
I was never one to have a large group of friends. My dearest friends are two from high school days and two from my neighborhood where I owned my first home. We all still keep up on Facebook, and try to have a gathering annually. Of course I always wind up traveling, because I'm the one who ran away to New Mexico while they're in Alabama, Georgia and South Carolina. The high school friends gathered in Vegas earlier this year. The neighborhood friends are always near or at one of their homes, as there are elder care and elder animal care issues with both of them.
My husband is definitely my best friend, but I've made a concerted effort to keep up with and strengthen these long-term friendships. It's been good for me to exercise those friend muscles again, even if across a couple time zones.
I also keep my acquaintance list pretty short - every time I don't drama seems to ensue. I forgot and started making acquaintances in my new neighborhood.... and drama (I'm not involved in it) so I pulled back. I don't need that stuff where I live.
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Thank you. This thread is making me a little emotional. When you have a big close family your need for friends can be not strong. In my case that was never the situation. Without getting into the reasons I'll just say my family was small and disfunctional. My emotional health required me to have real friends. It takes work and time. Well worth the effort. As the Bible says, if you want friends you must be a friend. In the Old Testament somewhere. I gather acquaintances and some become real friends. Most are just a community connection. Some really want real friendship. Ya gotta take that step and some will react with a yes.
Mrs5150 is a best friend, but in my former line of work it was said more than once that one needs friends outside of marriage to be healthy and balanced. It is true.
A few years ago I was stuck with no place to live...... I had given my notice to my landlord that I was moving on such and such a day, but for reasons I'd rather not go into, I could not move into the new apartment (not my fault). So.... I had to scurry around to find an apartment I could move into within a reasonable amount of time and that would accept pets (one cat). I found an apartment that filled that need, but I couldn't move in right away. So..... I spent about 4 weeks living in a motel.
I knew several women who had houses with spare bedrooms. Did any of them ask me to stay with them? No.
I've gotten to the point where I will not count on anyone. My ex let me down big time with his crap. People can be very selfish.
In the past 2.5 years I have offered my home to three different people. One turned down the offer. The other two turned out to be just short of disasters and getting them out was not fun. I will likely not offer my home again in the future. That's what comes of feeling sorry for people and just wanting to help them. Maybe the people you knew had prior bad experiences too.
I don't count on anyone for anything. Makes things harder for me sometimes but I am not obligated to anyone and take care of myself.
Just a couple friends here. I agree with folk that sometimes the expectations for friends might be more than is...realistic? I get frustrated with a friend who doesn't make time for me as much as I'd like, but on the other hand, when I learned that this apartment was available and I had to make several trips for interviews to apply for the apartment, and then actually moving, she opened her home to me and my shedding dog with open arms and short notice. She even offered to loan me money, which fortunately, I didn't have to borrow. But, it was such a relief to know the option was there, as I hadn't expected to move for another year, and hadn't saved up as much as planned yet. So, she gave me her hospitality and a lot of peace of mind knowing I had a safety net if I absolutely needed it.
Of course, I have never abused that generosity, either. I've never borrowed money from her, and opened my home to her quite a bit in the past when she needed somewhere to stay when traveling.
Other than this friend, I do have a couple of other friends who would also help me if they could, knowing I wouldn't abuse it.
I'm in touch with all three either by phone calls or texts, which is nice, too. Not constantly, but one or the other will usually check in one way or another every week or so.
I used to think that friends should be joined at the hip, knowing everything about each other all the time. I had to learn to give my friends space. And now I find myself letting calls go to voicemail or waiting to answer a text, if I'm busy, instead of jumping to answer the phone. I think it's a better balance. Plus, I really like to spend most of my time alone now, or with my dog. I like the peace.
My closet inner circle would be 20 or so if you include the shorties. They've all been with me for nearly two decades. I have some friends that are close to being part of the inner circle, and I almost included them in the count. Then there's work friends from all of the hospitals I've worked that I've kept in touch with via Facebook. That's about 75 people. I don't know, it seems like I have less time to socialize now that I'm retired. Sometimes I miss working only because there's so many people I'd love to see, but then I'd have to have 4 jobs. Yikes. I'll just have to be happy to talk to them on Facebook.
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