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Old 11-10-2017, 10:23 AM
 
Location: Midvale, Idaho
1,542 posts, read 2,384,981 times
Reputation: 1961

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sassygirl18 View Post
There's a pervasive myth that people who choose not to have children will regret it, but I have yet to meet a childfree person who regretted their choice.

If you do a Google search for "I regret choosing not to have kids", you will get far fewer results than Googling "I regret having kids". Parents (especially moms) are coming out in droves to express their discontent, now that they have a forum to do so anonymously. There is a stigma against parents (especially women) admitting they regret having kids. Women are defined by motherhood and are brainwashed that motherhood is their only true path to fulfillment. We are also spoon fed romanticized ideals of what parenthood is and I think many people are disappointed when they discover that parenthood isn't the basket of puppies and rainbows it is portrayed to be, but rather an 18 year (and usually longer) period of emotional and financial exhaustion.

Childfree folks are often stereotyped for being selfish, but most parents have kids for selfish reasons, like the joy expect to get from it, having a little mini-me who reflects themselves back at them, passing on the family name and having someone to take care of them when they get old. But rarely is parenthood seen as a selfish choice. Parents are seen as selfless benefactors to humanity for taking care of their kids. The fact is, taking care of something that you create isn't being selfless. It's being responsible for what you have created. A truly selfless person would adopt a homeless child before creating a new one and bringing it into our already overpopulated world.
Beautifully said. Exactly how I have always felt about it and I am of the age I was almost scorned for not wanting kids. Thank you!
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Old 11-10-2017, 12:28 PM
 
Location: Lakewood OH
21,697 posts, read 23,672,920 times
Reputation: 35449
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sassygirl18 View Post
There's a pervasive myth that people who choose not to have children will regret it, but I have yet to meet a childfree person who regretted their choice.

If you do a Google search for "I regret choosing not to have kids", you will get far fewer results than Googling "I regret having kids". Parents (especially moms) are coming out in droves to express their discontent, now that they have a forum to do so anonymously. There is a stigma against parents (especially women) admitting they regret having kids. Women are defined by motherhood and are brainwashed that motherhood is their only true path to fulfillment. We are also spoon fed romanticized ideals of what parenthood is and I think many people are disappointed when they discover that parenthood isn't the basket of puppies and rainbows it is portrayed to be, but rather an 18 year (and usually longer) period of emotional and financial exhaustion.

Childfree folks are often stereotyped for being selfish, but most parents have kids for selfish reasons, like the joy expect to get from it, having a little mini-me who reflects themselves back at them, passing on the family name and having someone to take care of them when they get old. But rarely is parenthood seen as a selfish choice. Parents are seen as selfless benefactors to humanity for taking care of their kids. The fact is, taking care of something that you create isn't being selfless. It's being responsible for what you have created. A truly selfless person would adopt a homeless child before creating a new one and bringing it into our already overpopulated world.
I have stuck mostly with childfree friends like myself. None of them ever regretted their decision not to have kids. But I've read about women and men too who admit if they had it to do over they wouldn't have had kids. I also see so many posts on FB and books written by parents who do nothing but complain about their kids or how hard their kids have made their lives.

I might not be fond of children, but I hate when parents take embarrassing photos and videos of their little kids and post them on Social Media. Sometimes I think the kids look very unhappy and don't seem to want to participate other times I think how embarrassed the kids will be when they get older. That's just selfish and only serves to satisfy the need for attention on the part of the parents.

Having kids to create "insurance" that someone will be taken care of in their old age is taking a gamble. There is no guarantee this will happen. Parents as well as single people should plan on how to take care of themselves or make some type of arrangements without their children being involved. Then if the kids are willing to pitch in it's a bonus but they shouldn't be expected to.
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Old 11-10-2017, 02:00 PM
 
Location: northeast PA
808 posts, read 1,171,125 times
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My husband and I are without children, by choice. We are in our mid-50's. Life has been good. We have been able to travel, we work hard, we have been fortunate to have great health so far, and we do look forward to retirement. Even if we did have children, we'd never expect them to take care of us. They would have had their own lives and family. I work as a nurse in long-term care. When the time comes that I may be alone and no longer able to care for myself, I can deal with living in a nursing home. It isn't as bad as many people think, at least where I work. Heck, I already have my room picked out!
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Old 11-10-2017, 03:57 PM
 
6,321 posts, read 5,058,385 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by odessa3 View Post
My husband and I are without children, by choice. We are in our mid-50's. Life has been good. We have been able to travel, we work hard, we have been fortunate to have great health so far, and we do look forward to retirement. Even if we did have children, we'd never expect them to take care of us. They would have had their own lives and family. I work as a nurse in long-term care. When the time comes that I may be alone and no longer able to care for myself, I can deal with living in a nursing home. It isn't as bad as many people think, at least where I work. Heck, I already have my room picked out!
I tell everyone that as long as I have wifi - it wouldn't bother me either. We are getting a new nursing home here within the next couple of years and we also talk about getting our rooms picked out!
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Old 11-10-2017, 04:40 PM
 
Location: Eagan, MN
678 posts, read 310,664 times
Reputation: 889
No regrets. With the money I saved by not having kids, I retired early. I can hire someone to be my 'friend' if I want.

Kids are no guarantee that they will be good to you as you get older. They may not even love close by and not visit.
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Old 11-11-2017, 04:57 AM
 
Location: Mount Airy, Maryland
10,464 posts, read 5,930,681 times
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We made this decision as well and I was fine with it, my only concern would be the regret I may feel later in life. Well I'm 58 and have yet to have that feeling so I think I'm good.
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Old 11-11-2017, 07:33 AM
 
Location: NJ
972 posts, read 2,422,023 times
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Interestingly, I have had several parents over the years confide in me that if they could do it all over again, they wouldn't have had kids. I don't think they ever admitted this to anyone else but I think they felt comfortable telling me because I am childfree by choice and they knew I would not judge them harshly for admitting it. I am sure a lot of parents secretly regret having kids but cannot admit it publicly because of the harsh judgment they would receive. This is why they are venting anonymously in droves under cover of the internet.

My own father told me once that he thought my hubby and I were smart not to have kids and that of he could do it over again, he wouldn't have had kids. He felt bad right as he said it and clarified that he loved my brothers and me but he just wouldn't have chosen the same path if he did it over again. I wasn't hurt or offended and I completely understood his feelings. All of the parents who confided in me that they wouldn't have kids if they could do it over again clarified that they loved their kids and it wasn't about not loving them. It was about the lifestyle of being a parent which they felt involved too much sacrifice.

Which brings me to the subject of cost-benefit analysis. For hubby and I, we understand that there are joys and benefits of having kids, but see the costs as far outweighing the benefits. It was a very simple decision for us.
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Old 11-11-2017, 07:50 AM
 
Location: equator
3,443 posts, read 1,535,055 times
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^^^^Exactly the same here. My own father admitted (only to me, not my sisters, who were horrified when they heard this) that he felt he should have never had children---he just wasn't cut out for it. He loved us and provided well for us but it was obvious to me he didn't relish the role. He kept busy at work and doing his own thing.....


I totally understood. Never ever wanted children myself and am so glad this is how life turned out. In this day and age, not everyone can even AFFORD to raise children.
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Old 11-11-2017, 09:49 AM
 
5,436 posts, read 2,830,519 times
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Sassygirl18, I admire your father for being honest with you. Although I think that would be too much truth for a child to accept without feeling bad, adult offspring should understand. After all, their memories of the trouble they put parents through are still fresh!

Very, very glad I never had them, and each year I get older makes me even more so, because the kids have kids, and then they have kids...and I don’t like babies except for critter babies.
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Old 11-11-2017, 10:29 AM
 
Location: NJ
972 posts, read 2,422,023 times
Reputation: 1840
And really, when you think about it...what is the point of all of it? Slaving for years raising kids just so they can move out and slave away raising kids who grow up to slave away raising kids and on and on through eternity. And then after the kids move out, dealing with empty nest syndrome (another problem childfree people don't have) and FINALLY being free to have a fun life, when you could have been having a fun life all along if you weren't saddled with kids. Now the kids are grown but you are too old to do a lot of the fun things you wanted to do and too poor from raising the kids and paying for their college educations and weddings. And oh, all those years you were focused on the kids instead of your partner and now the kids are gone and you realize you have nothing in common with your partner. The kids were your life and now they are gone.

As a childfree person, my husband is my main focus...and my extended family and friends, and my cats and my co-workers and my volunteer work. Contrary to popular opinion being childfree doesn't mean you care only about yourself. There are plenty of people and causes to love and care about aside from offspring.
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