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Old 08-24-2017, 02:39 PM
 
3,099 posts, read 824,721 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bayarea4 View Post
I have no regrets because I made the decision that I felt was right for me. At times I feel a bit wistful when Facebook friends brag about their children's and grandchildren's accomplishments or talk about how close they are and wonderful it is to spend time with them. But I knew from a young age that I was not cut out to be a mother and that I shouldn't try.

As for eldercare, I do worry that there won't be anyone to help if I become physically frail. But of course having kids does not guarantee this. I am hoping to find an affordable continuing care facility that offers meals, housekeeping and has higher levels of care available if needed.

What worries me most is my financial health. If I should develop dementia or some other severe condition that limits my ability to handle my affairs, who will keep the records, pay the bills, do my taxes and see that I don't get taken advantage of by caregivers? I have a niece and nephew, but though they are both nice people and well-meaning, neither has the sophistication or the money management skills to take charge. They're the types who spend it as soon as they have it.
As others have posted you have time to make the appropriate financial arrangements perhaps with professionals. I am single and relatively late in life decided to adopt and so now have one almost grown daughter, who is a delight. My greatest fear about dementia is of the emotional burdens that it would impose on her.

Dementia would less of a concern if my daughter were not in my life. My aunt now suffers with Lewys Body dementia that has completely disrupted my cousin's life. During my last visit, I told my cousin that I'd rather shoot myself than do that to my kid. And meant it.

Now that DD is about to graduate from college and I'm getting into my 60s, its about time to revisit the financial planning that was last done many years ago. One complication for us is that we live in an expensive city in a condo whose design and location makes it ideal both for an older adult aging in place *and* for a new adult starting out in life.

We joke that we need to flip coins to see who stays and who goes!
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Old 08-24-2017, 03:08 PM
 
329 posts, read 163,849 times
Reputation: 682
This is a bit morbid, but not having children releases some of the pressure for living for someone else. Assuming I ever got to a point where my parents and spouse and pets had all passed away, I think I'd feel my responsibilities were now done and I had the freedom to choose whether to go on or take matters into my own hands.
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Old 08-24-2017, 04:27 PM
 
Location: Albuquerque NM
1,661 posts, read 1,527,059 times
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I wanted to get married and have children when I was younger but the marriage part never happened. Actually only one of us six siblings married and I think that is partly due to growing up in a dysfunctional family and having parents who were poor role models. Several of my single friends had children or adopted but I don’t envy them – raising and financially supporting children alone would have been overwhelming for me. As I have gotten older, I have been disappointed at how many of my family and friend’s children have turned out – still dependent on their parents well into their 30’s, narcissistic, and not much ambition - so I now have few regrets about not having children. Guess I’m not one of those who would be content as long as my adult children are happy and provide me grandchildren. And I have to admit that I do not particularly care for young children.

Will I be lonely and regret this decision late in life? Maybe. Some of my friends and siblings have died in the last ten years and I find myself worrying that there will be no one left. But I have always been an independent introvert and have lived alone for many years and am doing okay. There are always cats! I’m financially secure and can afford to pay for senior care. Also I have good relationships with my nephew and nieces so hopefully they will visit me once in a while in the nursing home and make sure that my caretakers are not abusive.
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Old 08-24-2017, 04:52 PM
 
12,825 posts, read 20,148,018 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ABQ2015 View Post
I wanted to get married and have children when I was younger but the marriage part never happened. Actually only one of us six siblings married and I think that is partly due to growing up in a dysfunctional family and having parents who were poor role models. Several of my single friends had children or adopted but I donít envy them Ė raising and financially supporting children alone would have been overwhelming for me. As I have gotten older, I have been disappointed at how many of my family and friendís children have turned out Ė still dependent on their parents well into their 30ís, narcissistic, and not much ambition - so I now have few regrets about not having children. Guess Iím not one of those who would be content as long as my adult children are happy and provide me grandchildren. And I have to admit that I do not particularly care for young children.

Will I be lonely and regret this decision late in life? Maybe. Some of my friends and siblings have died in the last ten years and I find myself worrying that there will be no one left. But I have always been an independent introvert and have lived alone for many years and am doing okay. There are always cats! Iím financially secure and can afford to pay for senior care. Also I have good relationships with my nephew and nieces so hopefully they will visit me once in a while in the nursing home and make sure that my caretakers are not abusive.
Let's hear it for us future crazy cat / dog lads and ladies!

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Old 08-24-2017, 06:22 PM
 
Location: Tampa, FL
221 posts, read 147,922 times
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Thank you for all of the replies.

It's refreshing to know that nobody had any regrets. You are living a meaningful life without children and grandchildren.

A couple of you mentioned being lonely. However, this is not unique to those without children. And making friends and getting involved in your community will help with that. Some of you also mentioned getting a pet! Good thinking.

A couple of you mentioned a fear of getting dementia. Luckily, having auto-payments, alarms on cell phones, weekly pill boxes, etc. can help with short term memory. I know many people with "functional" dementia. They just have adaptive devices.
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Old 08-24-2017, 08:25 PM
 
Location: Lakewood OH
21,697 posts, read 23,672,920 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by submart View Post
Thank you for all of the replies.

It's refreshing to know that nobody had any regrets. You are living a meaningful life without children and grandchildren.

A couple of you mentioned being lonely. However, this is not unique to those without children. And making friends and getting involved in your community will help with that. Some of you also mentioned getting a pet! Good thinking.

A couple of you mentioned a fear of getting dementia. Luckily, having auto-payments, alarms on cell phones, weekly pill boxes, etc. can help with short term memory. I know many people with "functional" dementia. They just have adaptive devices.
Thank you for bringing the subject up for discussion. I also thought it interesting that some people took it as an opportunity to explain why they were happy with their choice to have children when you specifically asked people who had chosen not to have them whether or not they had any regrets in their choice.
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Old 08-24-2017, 09:07 PM
 
Location: South Florida
195 posts, read 106,409 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by EveryLady View Post

Dementia would less of a concern if my daughter were not in my life. My aunt now suffers with Lewys Body dementia that has completely disrupted my cousin's life. During my last visit, I told my cousin that I'd rather shoot myself than do that to my kid. And meant it.
My husband suffers from Lewy Body dementia and Parkinson's disease. We have been married for 11 years and he was diagnosed about 8 years ago. I am his caregiver 24/7 and I don't mind it, but he has a daughter in her 40s who does absolutely nothing for him, including calling him or sending cards for birthdays, etc. When he was still lucid she would call and ask for money, but now that he can't write a check she has no use for him. She is the best example I have ever seen for not having children!
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Old 08-24-2017, 09:08 PM
 
2,074 posts, read 1,153,861 times
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How would someone without children regret it? They never had it. They have no idea what children bring to your life throughout your life. You can't miss something you never had.
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Old 08-24-2017, 09:46 PM
 
5,430 posts, read 3,452,633 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BrassTacksGal View Post

How would someone without children regret it? They never had it. They have no idea what children bring to your life throughout your life. You can't miss something you never had.
I don't agree with 'You can't miss something you never had' at all!!!

There are innumerable things in life one can miss and/or have regrets about, without ever having had them.

And there are innumerable people without children who have a very good idea of what children bring to a life.

Last edited by matisse12; 08-24-2017 at 10:46 PM..
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Old 08-24-2017, 11:12 PM
 
5,430 posts, read 3,452,633 times
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Mod cut: Orphaned (quoted post has been deleted).

In the hospice situation, one is very close to lights out for eternity, so what happens directly right before lights out for eternity, it really doesn't matter all that much.

And certainly not everyone in hospice without children will be lonely with a volunteer. I think too much is made of one's last bit of time/last moments on earth. Some or many will pass away from heart attacks, strokes, other maladies, accidents all on the spot where the whole hospice scenario is never encountered because one dies elsewhere.

Last edited by PJSaturn; 08-29-2017 at 01:14 PM..
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