U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Retirement
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 08-25-2017, 11:27 AM
mlb
 
Location: North Monterey County
3,225 posts, read 2,879,370 times
Reputation: 4947

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by saibot View Post

You will find very few people who are "parents by choice" who will say that they regret that, either.

The people who openly admit they are unhappy with their situation are generally those who feel that it was forced upon them by some circumstance or other.

I have a number of women friends who wanted children, had them - and if they had a chance to do it all over again? Would choose not to have them.

They love their kids..... but lost themselves in the process.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 08-26-2017, 08:25 AM
 
Location: Tampa, FL
225 posts, read 150,185 times
Reputation: 527
Quote:
Originally Posted by TheShadow View Post
Those things will help, but they only go so far. At some point you need someone to go to the doctor with you, because you no longer know your own medical history, or who your doctor is, or where their office is, and how to get there. You no longer remember who your insurer is, or if you have your insurance ID card, or what's in the purse you constantly carry, other than Kleenex and tic-tacs. You don't know your address, or what state you're living in. You won't remember whatever it was the doctor told you that you should do, and when his receptionist calls with the results of your test, you won't remember having that test, or what it was for, and what the significance is of the test results. If they write you a scrip, and send it to the pharmacy, you won't remember to go pick it up. Nothing makes sense anymore.

This is an exact description of my MIL's situation and some of our normal situations on a typical day. Sometimes it takes more than a few modern conveniences to deal with dementia once it gets to that point. MIL was in IL apartments, didn't want to go into assisted living, didn't want to live with us, and was unsafe to live on her own. Fortunately we had POA, so it wasn't easy for any of us, but we moved her into AL against her wishes. This is what I want to avoid for myself by setting up trust and facing the reality of dementia if it comes.
This is when having long term care insurance comes into play. There are dementia units, medical foster homes, etc. They are very expensive, but what is the alternative? And the average person spends about $200,000 raising a child. Take that money and invest it towards medical care later in life?

And not everyone gets dementia. And not everyone gets very serious dementia like Alzheimer's disease. 1 in 6 people over the age of 80 have dementia. Source: https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/info/2..._for_the_media
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-26-2017, 08:37 AM
 
Location: Surf City, NC
364 posts, read 555,035 times
Reputation: 946
Quote:
Originally Posted by saibot View Post
You find very few people who are "childfree by choice" who will say that they regret that choice.

You will find very few people who are "parents by choice" who will say that they regret that, either.

And the people in both groups can think of several very compelling reasons why they absolutely wouldn't ever want to be on the other side.

The people who openly admit they are unhappy with their situation are generally those who feel that it was forced upon them by some circumstance or other.
Very True. Few can admit regrets regarding such a life-altering decision. Most must - for their own comfort and sanity - cling to the decision they made. If you have children, you probably love them no matter the pain they've given, and to say you regret having them seems like saying they don't deserve to live. If you don't have children it is easier to express regrets, but most of us feel it's a decision we can't undo, so we convince ourselves it was the right one.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-26-2017, 08:37 AM
 
Location: Tampa, FL
225 posts, read 150,185 times
Reputation: 527
Mod cut: Quoted post deleted.


There are people on this forum in their 70's and 80's. They may not be able to do as much but they can hire landscapers, have meals delivered to their home, use uber to get to medical appointments, etc.

I worked in hospice for a few years. First, not everyone has at home hospice. There are hospice facilities people can go to if they don't have children. There are nurses, social workers, priests, etc. there. People are typically in hospice a very short time (i.e. two weeks). When a person is actively dying they are no longer responsive as their organs are shutting down. So they can be unresponsive most of the time they are in hospice. So loneliness likely doesn't come into play.

With that said a lot of people don't even need hospice like another poster said.

Last edited by PJSaturn; 08-29-2017 at 01:16 PM..
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-26-2017, 09:59 AM
 
8,252 posts, read 11,965,358 times
Reputation: 18223
Quote:
Originally Posted by BrassTacksGal View Post
How would someone without children regret it? They never had it. They have no idea what children bring to your life throughout your life. You can't miss something you never had.
It figures that a breeder would wander into this thread and express her displeasure at all of the child-free people who are perfectly content with their lives.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-26-2017, 12:13 PM
 
Location: Loudon, TN
5,879 posts, read 4,892,025 times
Reputation: 19794
It's not at all hard for a C.F.B.C. person to know what they "missed". To say you can't miss something you never had is just wrong. I never had a real dad, and I missed having that like crazy. I could see what other kids had and want it for myself. CFBC people have eyes and hearts just like everyone else, and they can see the love and joy that children bring to their parents. They also can see the pain, fear, frustration, expense, etc, that it can bring. They weighed the good and the bad, and searched their hearts, and made a decision that they knew would not be popular with their families, friends, and possibly with potential mates, and they live with their decision.

To say "they have no idea what children bring to your life" is so disingenuous. Everywhere we look, every single day, we can see what children bring to people's lives, the good and the bad.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-26-2017, 12:44 PM
 
8,018 posts, read 5,090,197 times
Reputation: 13722
Let me venture with an analogy:

My neighbor has a boat. I donít. He pays taxes on the boat, does maintenance, worries about safety. He needs garage-space to park the boat. Are his life-jackets up to code? What about his fire extinguisher? Is the hull still watertight? Fuel is expensive. He needs to tow it to the lake, and thus a sizeable support vehicle. So many problems! I donít wish to be in his position; in fact, I rejoice upon pondering all of his chores and tribulations, feeling blessed that Iím free of them. But, he has a boat. And that can be pleasurable and satisfying, in the doldrums of a hot Midwestern summer. This doesnít mean that Iím inwardly consumed with envy that regret, that I never bought a boat. But neither do I dismiss as vapid and vain, the joy expressed by boaters, or the pride with which they point to their precious possession while strolling around the marina.

Where the analogy fails, is that the vast majority of people donít own a boat, while the vast majority will have children. Non-boaters, if they regret not buying a boat, share those regrets with nearly everyone else. The child-free, meanwhile, find themselves in rare company.

In terms of retirement planning, Iím delighted that I need not worry about college-tuition for the kiddoes, or leaving them an inheritance. But one canít help wondering about the rationale for amassing and preserving a portfolio, for abstaining from spending from it, if one has no heirs. For whom is it all being saved? And, as one gets older, but has already met oneís notional financial goals: why does one keep working?

Being child-free, bestows on one tremendous freedoms, but also a feeling of rootlessness and drift. If I have no dependents, why should I remain responsible? Whatís to keep me in-line, productive, motivated, conscientious?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-26-2017, 04:13 PM
 
Location: Lakewood OH
21,698 posts, read 23,744,769 times
Reputation: 35465
Quote:
Originally Posted by MadManofBethesda View Post
It figures that a breeder would wander into this thread and express her displeasure at all of the child-free people who are perfectly content with their lives.
Yes, I agree. I usually ignore these types of comments. I've heard them all my life enough to know it says a lot more about the person speaking than the person being spoken to.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-26-2017, 04:21 PM
 
Location: Lakewood OH
21,698 posts, read 23,744,769 times
Reputation: 35465
Quote:
Being child-free, bestows on one tremendous freedoms, but also a feeling of rootlessness and drift. If I have no dependents, why should I remain responsible? Whatís to keep me in-line, productive, motivated, conscientious?
Hopefully your own smart self. If children were responsible for keeping everyone who had them this way, the world would be a much better place but that certainly isn't the case. There are vast numbers of parents who are do not keep in-line, are productive, motivated or conscientious. Those qualities don't automatically come with become a parent. No for every parent anyway.

As for heirs, there are other family members who may be deserving. As for me, I plan to bequeath any money I may have left over after I die to my favorite animal shelter. I will have great satisfaction knowing maybe I will be helping some critter out just a little bit on the way to getting a new home.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-26-2017, 08:29 PM
mlb
 
Location: North Monterey County
3,225 posts, read 2,879,370 times
Reputation: 4947
Yeah. I know a lot of hospice workers/nurses and they are the most loving giving human beings on the face of this earth.

They know more than any family member - what a dying persons needs are.

Some of my best friends are nurses.

I would be HONORED to have them hold my hand when I pass.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Retirement
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top