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Old 08-27-2017, 09:34 AM
 
Location: SoFlo
783 posts, read 538,497 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Minervah View Post
Hopefully your own smart self. If children were responsible for keeping everyone who had them this way, the world would be a much better place but that certainly isn't the case. There are vast numbers of parents who are do not keep in-line, are productive, motivated or conscientious. Those qualities don't automatically come with become a parent. No for every parent anyway.

As for heirs, there are other family members who may be deserving. As for me, I plan to bequeath any money I may have left over after I die to my favorite animal shelter. I will have great satisfaction knowing maybe I will be helping some critter out just a little bit on the way to getting a new home.
I'm with you, Minervah. Working in animal rescue and having a house full of critters that my DH helps with is very fulfilling. I have stepchildren and while I am a good friend to them, have always stayed well away from any mother role out of respect for their mother. Hopefully I will have some $$$ left in my estate when I go and every dime will go to local rescues. This has also given a lot of purpose to my lif, which I think is so important for those of us without children.
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Old 08-27-2017, 09:35 AM
 
Location: Loudon, TN
5,826 posts, read 4,868,767 times
Reputation: 19600
TrilbyandDixie^^^^ Your point is very accurate. Even in families with many kids, usually only one will shoulder the responsibilities of caring for the elder parent.

In my own family, I was the one who took on the responsibility of caring for mom. My younger brother did a bit more of keeping her socialized, having her come spend the weekend with him, his kids, and pets every month or so. While I was responsible for getting her to her doctor's appointments (sometimes more than one a week for 3 years). Maybe it was because my job afforded me more flexibility. But mostly I think it was merely my older brothers' laziness. While I would visit her daily while she was in the hospital for weeks at a stretch, my eldest brother lived 6 blocks from the hospital and visited once, exactly once, in a six week hospitalization. He also left her dying bedside in the nursing home because he needed to walk his dog. His wife was there with us, and could have gone home to do it, but he didn't want her to drive home alone.

Having children doesn't guarantee that they will be interested in caring for you. Parental care can often be a one-way street, and you'd better be willing to provide unconditional love for your kids without knowing if you will ever be on the receiving end of such.
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Old 08-27-2017, 09:40 AM
 
13,351 posts, read 25,617,103 times
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May I say to Ohio Peasant, why not join a Tibetan monastery if that calls you?

Maybe I'm being a hardcore baby boomer here, but since I never wanted children, I never felt bound to live a certain way. I have chosen later in life to get into the grind for a pension, but it felt like (still feels like) a choice, not a requirement or a given.

I have gone to school four times, all around changing jobs or hopes to do so, lived in several states and generally had a fairly disorderly life in those ways. No harm, no foul.
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Old 08-27-2017, 09:58 AM
 
5,487 posts, read 2,865,525 times
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People without children have the usual obligations that occupy their time and energy, too. Jobs, paying bills on time, maintaining households, etc etc.

It's not like there is a vacuum of idleness just because someone doesn't have kids
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Old 08-27-2017, 10:08 AM
 
6,363 posts, read 5,091,511 times
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A friend once told me to have kids so I would have someone that loves me.

I was "what"? That's not how it works.

I do believe she has strained relationships with her two kids.
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Old 08-27-2017, 10:13 AM
 
Location: Loudon, TN
5,826 posts, read 4,868,767 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ohio_peasant View Post
Being child-free, bestows on one tremendous freedoms, but also a feeling of rootlessness and drift. If I have no dependents, why should I remain responsible? What’s to keep me in-line, productive, motivated, conscientious?
Because you respect yourself and the rest of society. What keeps me in-line, productive and motivated? The law, self control, personal goals, discipline, self-esteem, mercy, commitment to the greater good (for some, faith in a higher power).

Pretty much the same reasons I pay my taxes, stop at red lights, don't shoplift, clean my house and yard, eat healthy, donate to charity, recycle, conserve energy, etc. What in the heck does having dependents have to do with that? One doesn't need children to take responsibility, and have a purpose beyond self-interest.
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Old 08-27-2017, 12:25 PM
 
Location: Loudon, TN
5,826 posts, read 4,868,767 times
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How about we ALL be respectful and not make blanket statements about classes of people with no supporting evidence.
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Old 08-27-2017, 12:36 PM
Status: "Disagreeing is not the same thing as trolling." (set 23 days ago)
 
Location: Texas
9,816 posts, read 3,727,904 times
Reputation: 19980
Quote:
Originally Posted by foundapeanut View Post
We don't have children.

We aren't under the delusion people with kids will be taken care of. The opposite is more the truth. .
I know lots of kids who care for their aging parents. My cousin cares for both her mom, who is in a wheelchair and her dad who has Alzheimer's. She lives with them. She also has to endure the insults of people who criticize her for being an adult who lives with her parents.
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Old 08-27-2017, 12:50 PM
mlb
 
Location: North Monterey County
3,207 posts, read 2,870,082 times
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There are 7 of us kids. Ages now from 51 to 73.

20 years ago when both parents were still alive and waning - we would have open conversations about who would take care of what. There was an active sharing of responsibilities. One would get tired and would hand-off to another. Those of us who lived at a distance - would come in for weeks at a time to take the burden off those who were the primary careproviders.

Nothing changed after dad died. I went home and helped my mom and my public health nurse sister find an appropriate assisted living center for her. It was hard but we were there to ask the hard questions and help mom adjust.

I'm so proud of my family in how we conducted ourselves. I'd also be there for any of them if they need me in the future.

I think they'd do the same for me.
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Old 08-27-2017, 01:16 PM
 
Location: Lakewood OH
21,698 posts, read 23,713,463 times
Reputation: 35455
Quote:
Originally Posted by PriscillaVanilla View Post
I know lots of kids who care for their aging parents. My cousin cares for both her mom, who is in a wheelchair and her dad who has Alzheimer's. She lives with them. She also has to endure the insults of people who criticize her for being an adult who lives with her parents.
I don't believe anyone here is denying children will never help it's just that they don't always do. Sometimes circumstances are such that they can't even if they wanted to.


Children are not insurance policies.

Last edited by Minervah; 08-27-2017 at 02:16 PM.. Reason: clarity
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