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Old 01-17-2019, 09:23 PM
 
17 posts, read 5,187 times
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I'm in the same boat with my husband! We are both 67. He loves to work (home office) and plans to keep working until 75 and wants me to do the same! I also work from home as a consultant, but I think now is the time to travel while we are healthy enough to do it. Life is uncertain and we don't know what's behind the corner. And, realistically, one day we won't have the choice.

I've been working since age 15, raised three children, and spent time at home while he was traveling the world in his job. I have a bucket list of places I want to see--Italy is at the top of the list--and I found a great university-sponsored tour, reasonably priced. He won't go. He says--"we'll travel when we're 75!" He is so unrealistic and stubborn! We've both had health issues that are now resolved, but to me, they were wake up calls. Do it NOW, before it's too late.

So, should I just travel alone, if he won't go?
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Old 01-18-2019, 12:37 PM
 
Location: The sleepy part of New York City
1,932 posts, read 1,201,467 times
Reputation: 4289
Quote:
Originally Posted by northrancher View Post
I'm in the same boat with my husband! We are both 67. He loves to work (home office) and plans to keep working until 75 and wants me to do the same! I also work from home as a consultant, but I think now is the time to travel while we are healthy enough to do it. Life is uncertain and we don't know what's behind the corner. And, realistically, one day we won't have the choice.

I've been working since age 15, raised three children, and spent time at home while he was traveling the world in his job. I have a bucket list of places I want to see--Italy is at the top of the list--and I found a great university-sponsored tour, reasonably priced. He won't go. He says--"we'll travel when we're 75!" He is so unrealistic and stubborn! We've both had health issues that are now resolved, but to me, they were wake up calls. Do it NOW, before it's too late.

So, should I just travel alone, if he won't go?
Absolutely! You'll probably make new friends on your excursion anyway.
Your husband has traveled the world already so he's probably tired of travel. This is your chance now. It's not a bad reflection on the state of your marriage if you both take separate vacations or one partner wants to stay home instead of going. My husband rents a condo at the shore every year... sometimes I go.. sometimes I prefer to stay home and just enjoy the peace and quiet but we're both perfectly okay with each other's decisions.

About 10 years ago I joined a random FB group that was related to my home town. Somehow I got to talking to a few other women my age that I had never met but lived in my area about travel. We met in person, visited each others houses and got to know each other just to make sure we weren't crazy internet people and from there we made plans to go away for a week. Some of us were married, some single but the one commonality that we shared was our love of travel and new adventures. The whole bunch of us would take trips to casinos, concerts or plays sometimes staying a week or more. Then we started inviting other FB friends and it just snowballed from there. There was one time where we all decided to go to NYC which is just a ferry boat ride from where our original group came from but some of the women that found out where we were going flew in from other states to join us. We even had two young girls from Japan join us. There was about 75 of us on that trip and we all had an amazing time. It was adventure that I never dreamed of because who in their right mind meets up with internet strangers.

So, go!
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Old 01-18-2019, 01:21 PM
 
Location: Loudon, TN
5,767 posts, read 4,825,615 times
Reputation: 19387
Quote:
Originally Posted by northrancher View Post
I'm in the same boat with my husband! We are both 67. He loves to work (home office) and plans to keep working until 75 and wants me to do the same! I also work from home as a consultant, but I think now is the time to travel while we are healthy enough to do it. Life is uncertain and we don't know what's behind the corner. And, realistically, one day we won't have the choice.

I've been working since age 15, raised three children, and spent time at home while he was traveling the world in his job. I have a bucket list of places I want to see--Italy is at the top of the list--and I found a great university-sponsored tour, reasonably priced. He won't go. He says--"we'll travel when we're 75!" He is so unrealistic and stubborn! We've both had health issues that are now resolved, but to me, they were wake up calls. Do it NOW, before it's too late.

So, should I just travel alone, if he won't go?
I know several friends whose husbands don't care for travel, and they go on trips with friends and family, and other organized trips like Roads Scholars. Hubbies stay home and feed the dog or cat and everyone is happy with the situation.

I have another friend who loves where she lives, but misses her daughters and grandkids, so every 6 weeks she takes a trip up north for a week to visit her kids. She rotates between the 3 daughters' homes. Her husband is her 2nd husband, after the death of the daughters' dad, so he is not as attached to them as she is, and is content to see them when the dughters visit them here.
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Old 01-18-2019, 01:25 PM
 
Location: Scottsdale, AZ
7,596 posts, read 4,674,480 times
Reputation: 27796
Quote:
Originally Posted by jghorton View Post
I suspect that folks who cannot agree on what a good future retirement looks like, also don't agree on many other things in their lives.
Thatís a little patronizing.

Itís an enormous life change that encompasses end-of-life. Itís not surprising that two people, each with their own personality, their own history, their own emotional baggage, see it differently.
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Old 01-18-2019, 01:58 PM
 
Location: planet earth
4,812 posts, read 1,824,401 times
Reputation: 10670
There are several issues to unpack. Luckily, time is on your side:

* What do you and your spouse enjoy about each other, and enjoy doing together now?
* You could play a game where each does research and chooses a place to retire - then talk about it and what you do and don't like about the choices.
* Do you still love each other? Are you compatible? Do you truly enjoy each other's company? (Just questions to ask yourselves).

Sometimes preferences make themselves known over time. I went through a phase where I wanted to live downtown in an apartment . . . thank goodness that phase passed because it turns out that peace and quiet means everything to me (and you don't have to live in the boonies to get that) - I live in a little village on a creek . . . everything is close by, but it's quiet.
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Old 01-18-2019, 05:06 PM
 
Location: Scottsdale, AZ
7,596 posts, read 4,674,480 times
Reputation: 27796
Quote:
Originally Posted by northrancher View Post
I'm in the same boat with my husband! We are both 67. He loves to work (home office) and plans to keep working until 75 and wants me to do the same! I also work from home as a consultant, but I think now is the time to travel while we are healthy enough to do it. Life is uncertain and we don't know what's behind the corner. And, realistically, one day we won't have the choice.

I've been working since age 15, raised three children, and spent time at home while he was traveling the world in his job. I have a bucket list of places I want to see--Italy is at the top of the list--and I found a great university-sponsored tour, reasonably priced. He won't go. He says--"we'll travel when we're 75!" He is so unrealistic and stubborn! We've both had health issues that are now resolved, but to me, they were wake up calls. Do it NOW, before it's too late.

So, should I just travel alone, if he won't go?
DH used to travel for business. I don't recall him ever taking me with him. He also went on vacations with his buddies. Again, I stayed home.

At some point it occurred to me that he'd established the precedent. Now I take a lot of trips by myself.

There's no reason why you can't do the same thing. You can even find a travel buddy if the thought of going solo is too much.
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Old 01-18-2019, 05:20 PM
 
11,118 posts, read 8,523,617 times
Reputation: 28064
Quote:
Originally Posted by northrancher View Post
I'm in the same boat with my husband! We are both 67. He loves to work (home office) and plans to keep working until 75 and wants me to do the same! I also work from home as a consultant, but I think now is the time to travel while we are healthy enough to do it. Life is uncertain and we don't know what's behind the corner. And, realistically, one day we won't have the choice.

I've been working since age 15, raised three children, and spent time at home while he was traveling the world in his job. I have a bucket list of places I want to see--Italy is at the top of the list--and I found a great university-sponsored tour, reasonably priced. He won't go. He says--"we'll travel when we're 75!" He is so unrealistic and stubborn! We've both had health issues that are now resolved, but to me, they were wake up calls. Do it NOW, before it's too late.

So, should I just travel alone, if he won't go?
YES, go alone. We met a pair of retired ladies on a cruise who were traveling the world together because their husbands didn't want to travel.
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Old 01-18-2019, 05:31 PM
 
Location: Scottsdale, AZ
7,596 posts, read 4,674,480 times
Reputation: 27796
I do have to mention that one year I wanted to go on an Alaskan cruise and he was being a grump about it. So I booked a single cabin.

He took me to the pier the day of departure and went on the ship with me. At that moment, he realized he really did want to go but it was much too late. I kissed him goodbye and said, "See you in 10 days."

So book your trip and have your husband take you to the airport. He may have a change of heart, too, and realize it doesn't matter where he goes as long as he's with you. That's what my guy says to me.
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Old 01-18-2019, 05:36 PM
 
Location: Middle of the ocean
31,599 posts, read 19,931,965 times
Reputation: 45669
Quote:
Originally Posted by fluffythewondercat View Post
Thatís a little patronizing.

Itís an enormous life change that encompasses end-of-life. Itís not surprising that two people, each with their own personality, their own history, their own emotional baggage, see it differently.
Meh, I think his comment has some validity. I can't imagine coming upon retirement age, and discovering we had different views. That's definitely something that is discussed.

Sure, DH and I had a couple arguments about it, but that's only because he was wrong.
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Old 01-18-2019, 08:53 PM
 
Location: Scottsdale, AZ
7,596 posts, read 4,674,480 times
Reputation: 27796
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mikala43 View Post
Meh, I think his comment has some validity. I can't imagine coming upon retirement age, and discovering we had different views. That's definitely something that is discussed.

Sure, DH and I had a couple arguments about it, but that's only because he was wrong.

Using a difference of opinion to "diagnose" a marriage is inappropriate.

No one knows what goes on inside a marriage except for the two people who are in it.
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