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Old 08-30-2017, 09:54 AM
 
Location: Mount Airy, Maryland
10,457 posts, read 5,917,794 times
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Sounds like one is a real problem, the other hypothetical. Just because other couples found after decades of marriage that they had little in common does not mean you will feel that way. But that is for you to judge.

As for location the first thing is to decide if it will be OK for either of you to move from family. That goes back to the issue with the other couple. If you are OK with that then location is the issue. I think a compromise is in order. Why not look at places like western NC? Hubby will have a much shorter winter and you will still get 4 seasons, even a little snow on occasion. Moving south does not have to be Florida.
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Old 08-30-2017, 10:04 AM
 
5,405 posts, read 2,813,304 times
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My husband and I agree on the big items, such as location, climate, where to live on the urban-suburban-rural spectrum, and overall amount of living space.

We do not agree on the exact nature of the house and outbuildings, so we will have to compromise.

But I think the most important thing is that we absolutely must continue to own more than one car. No retiree should be homebound and wanting to go somewhere while the spouse takes off for wherever he/she wants. It is the time of life when you have more free time, so you might as well take advantage of that, which might require driving.

I really like the idea of owning only one home but also owning a very small, rugged 4WD RV. The type I am talking about costs more than a small house, so this dream ain't gonna happen.
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Old 08-30-2017, 10:09 AM
 
Location: Central Massachusetts
4,800 posts, read 4,842,106 times
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As those ahead of me have said. Yes it happens. The thing is, you are not there yet. Lots of things can happen between now and then.
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Old 08-30-2017, 10:09 AM
 
Location: middle tennessee
1,924 posts, read 986,927 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mayvenne View Post
Very interesting thread.......and I will just state the obvious that StealthRAbbit's situation is highly unusual and while it may work beautifully- it's not really an option for most.


I think its not an option that "most" people consider. Time apart can make time together more interesting if both are comfortable. We had a place in town near the hospital and a few acres with a small house on it about 10 miles out of town. Neither place was grand.


My husband was the town boy. He had no interest in yard work. We hired mowers in town. I gardened in the country. His children were local. I flew around the country to visit mine whenever we found a cheap ticket (back in the good old days ). He liked to eat an early dinner out. I like to eat when I'm hungry. He liked casinos, nascar, sports. But we also liked each other We were married 20 years until his death.


We had friends who, when her mother died and left her an apartment across town, she moved into it. They weren't separated. They saw each other every day and often she stayed over, but she had her own place for the first time in her life and she loved it.


Problems must arise when couples have different ideas about how much togetherness is necessary, but when both agree, I think it can be done on whatever scale is available.
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Old 08-30-2017, 10:10 AM
 
5,405 posts, read 2,813,304 times
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We met a retired farmer who was enjoying a trip in Baja. (I think he was hoping to meet some lady companions). He lived in ID and his wife lived in San Francisco and loved it there. I guess she had had enough of the agricultural life! Anyway, he seemed quite happy.

Different strokes for different folks. I bet they had raised a family, worked hard, made their money, and now it was time to let themselves have some fun. Good for them!
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Old 08-30-2017, 10:18 AM
 
Location: SoCal
13,188 posts, read 6,301,958 times
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Warren Buffet and his first wife comes into mind. She used to live in SF, he still lives in the same old house.
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Old 08-30-2017, 10:19 AM
 
Location: Scottsdale, AZ
7,595 posts, read 4,674,480 times
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Never mind.

Last edited by fluffythewondercat; 08-30-2017 at 10:21 AM.. Reason: duplicate post
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Old 08-30-2017, 10:22 AM
 
Location: middle tennessee
1,924 posts, read 986,927 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by pikabike View Post
We met a retired farmer who was enjoying a trip in Baja. (I think he was hoping to meet some lady companions). He lived in ID and his wife lived in San Francisco and loved it there. I guess she had had enough of the agricultural life! Anyway, he seemed quite happy.

Different strokes for different folks. I bet they had raised a family, worked hard, made their money, and now it was time to let themselves have some fun. Good for them!


He probably stopped in SF on the way home
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Old 08-30-2017, 10:22 AM
 
5,405 posts, read 2,813,304 times
Reputation: 10100
Quote:
Originally Posted by newcomputer View Post
I think its not an option that "most" people consider. Time apart can make time together more interesting if both are comfortable. We had a place in town near the hospital and a few acres with a small house on it about 10 miles out of town. Neither place was grand.


My husband was the town boy. He had no interest in yard work. We hired mowers in town. I gardened in the country. His children were local. I flew around the country to visit mine whenever we found a cheap ticket (back in the good old days ). He liked to eat an early dinner out. I like to eat when I'm hungry. He liked casinos, nascar, sports. But we also liked each other We were married 20 years until his death.


We had friends who, when her mother died and left her an apartment across town, she moved into it. They weren't separated. They saw each other every day and often she stayed over, but she had her own place for the first time in her life and she loved it.


Problems must arise when couples have different ideas about how much togetherness is necessary, but when both agree, I think it can be done on whatever scale is available.
That is how I would feel. Separate spaces but nearby (preferably on the same property but not too close) would emphasize the voluntary nature of nonblood relationships. Each has the private space to cultivate his or her personal preferences, yet they are more closely tied than being "just friends." I also like the idea that it would be easy to make a special surprise dinner for the other, more like dating someone you are still getting to know. Getting old together too often means getting stale together. "I never tried [whatever] because my spouse doesn't want to."
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Old 08-30-2017, 10:35 AM
 
Location: Central Massachusetts
4,800 posts, read 4,842,106 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by pikabike View Post
That is how I would feel. Separate spaces but nearby (preferably on the same property but not too close) would emphasize the voluntary nature of nonblood relationships. Each has the private space to cultivate his or her personal preferences, yet they are more closely tied than being "just friends." I also like the idea that it would be easy to make a special surprise dinner for the other, more like dating someone you are still getting to know. Getting old together too often means getting stale together. "I never tried [whatever] because my spouse doesn't want to."
It could have been as simple as a space to get away from the snoring.
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