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Old 08-30-2017, 02:35 PM
 
419 posts, read 256,682 times
Reputation: 1329

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Quote:
Originally Posted by LookingatFL View Post
I have the same situation, except it is my husband who leaves me to do the planning. He just keeps saying that whatever I choose is fine. That really is no help. I am left to figure out the finances, choose where and how we will live.

His idea of retirement is sitting at home 24/7 and watching TV. He wants an in-home theater so he can watch movies. That's it. That's what he is going to do for the rest of his life.
It sounds like we are married to the same man. However, mine tells me he will do whatever I choose, but when push comes to shove, he doesn't like what I want to do.

I want to go back to four seasons and near my remaining family. He wants to stay in the warm south not near my family. Whoops, did I just say that? Anyway, he agreed to going back north after living many years in Florida, but now it won't be possible. His health has worsened, and he is sort of tied into the healthcare he gets here around Orlando. He's more than 10 years older than me and is no longer able to do the things he used to. We waited too long to make the move, but we were waiting for housing prices to rebound. I'm disappointed that we can't make a move work right now because after 24 years, I don't tolerate the constant heat well anymore and I've developed year-round allergies.

The only thing I can see to do is for me to visit my family more often. That way I get to spend time with them and get to experience the four seasons, even if it's only a couple of weeks at a time. It's a bummer, but with the heat and allergies, I have to limit my time outdoors. I love walking, biking, and golfing, but I can't do those as much here as I can up north because of the hot sun.

I'm trying to look at all of the good things because there are many. I really love Clermont, the pretty and hilly Florida town where we live. It has everything we need and like within a short driving distance as well as friendly people and little crime. We built a nice and cheap home here in a super neighborhood 20 years ago and the area is in demand now. We're close to Orlando hospitals and have received excellent care there. We're close to all of the theme parks when friends and family visit. We live a very good life here without spending lots of money.

So I guess my husband has won this round because it is too difficult to change his healthcare. He'll have to do without me more while I'm with family, but it's the only solution I can see for now. I have a trip coming up in a few weeks back north to see family, take my mother traveling, and to see the leaves change. Hubby doesn't know it yet, but my mother will be down for a few weeks this winter. Along with me traveling more, that will be his compromise along with keeping the thermostat cooler than he likes so I'm comfortable.
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Old 08-30-2017, 06:58 PM
 
5,410 posts, read 2,816,274 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NewbieHere View Post
Walking does help with snoring. When my husband and I do some walking. Neither of us do heavy snoring.
Both of us walk every day. Doesn't reduce snoring. In fact, if there allergens outside, it worsens the snoring.
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Old 08-30-2017, 07:09 PM
 
Location: State of Denial
1,907 posts, read 958,286 times
Reputation: 10168
My late husband never made it to retirement but I have a feeling we would not have had compatible ideas on what to do. We had discussed it some but hadn't made any decisions.


The boyfriend and I travel domestically in our RV 4-5 months of the year and then the rest of the year, he pretty much stays home and I go off to visit friends and relatives and take international trips.


It works for us. He gets what he wants and I get what I want.
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Old 08-30-2017, 07:11 PM
 
Location: Virginia
171 posts, read 107,445 times
Reputation: 508
Both my husband's and my family live near us. Sisters, brothers, in-laws, cousins, nieces, nephews etc. By the time we retire not likely his parents will still be here or my mother since they are in their late 80's. I am close to all of my family. His family never calls each other, sees each other, and only gets together on major holidays. I am very attached to my numerous siblings and family and we see each other and do a lot together. Our kids are in the military and I have no idea where they will end up, but if they are not in the military in a few years when we retire, they may very well impact our decision. My compromise is to stay where I get 4 seasons and snowbird in a warm climate. I can head to the mountains for a few days of snow and I get my snow and winter fix and I am good. Some things we agree on is downsizing and a one story house. Also, we want to travel, be active and just go. A lot can happen between now and then. But I am looking forward to making our retirement great and enjoying it together as we have planned. Wish I could afford 2 homes in different locations to accommodate both of our likes. Who knows, it just may happen.
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Old 08-30-2017, 07:50 PM
 
1,831 posts, read 2,135,159 times
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In retirement there is zero tolerance for mistakes. Many couples fail to fully appreciate the financial difficulties in a late hour divorce or the challenges of living totally alone.
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Old 08-30-2017, 07:55 PM
 
Location: Whereever we have our RV parked
8,763 posts, read 7,693,193 times
Reputation: 14989
There's a relatively simple answer. You don't need two houses or a divorce. Each on can pursue their own activities, just downsize you housing. For example, your husband could pursue his interests, living in an apartment, a mobile home or an rv. You could have a small home or apt. where you want to live. You both get maximum freedom and could still be together part of the time, like in winter or for the holidays. If an illness pops up, you can still be there for one another.
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Old 08-30-2017, 09:08 PM
 
Location: Albuquerque, NM
1,427 posts, read 2,568,510 times
Reputation: 2535
Quote:
Originally Posted by balance4life View Post
Just some perspective on this. Since my DH and I are quite far apart in age (>10 yrs), we haven't gotten to make these decisions in the way you are describing. I think the important thing is to have a good balance of time together vs time apart, and I echo the concerns of the poster who said that it is so important to have separate vehicles (or other means of transportation) so that the spouses can go separate ways to pursue separate interests. The other thing I would recommend is to make time for each other at the end of the day for sharing, communicating and relaxing together.
We also have an age gap. 13 years in our case. My DH is already retired, while I have about 8-12 more years to work. My concern has always been the possibility of me working for so many more years that we have no quality retirement years together. One thing I did recently that was helpful was make a job change. There was a substantial raise, which was nice, but also substantially more leave time from the get-go. This will allow us to plan true week-long vacations 3-4 times a year if we really want to while I'm still working. I can't imagine us wanting to travel any more than that even when I'm retired, so it eliminates the whole factor of "waiting" for the good stuff. And if he wants to up and go visit his favorite uncle, or his adult kids on a whim, he absolutely can. I don't need to go. He's started taking a few of those trips on his own and enjoys them. The bonus is that on the occasions we do vacation together, it doesn't then have to involve obligatory family visits -- he's already taken care of that.

I'm hoping this helps us sort of ease into my full retirement. I could probably pack it in tomorrow and we could live on his pensions and my retirement savings if we relocated to a less expensive house and area and vastly tempered our lifestyle expectations. But I'm still enjoying working, and doing so will allow us a better lifestyle now and later -- win-win.
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Old 08-31-2017, 10:08 AM
 
Location: The sleepy part of New York City
1,938 posts, read 1,202,324 times
Reputation: 4299
Planning for retirement is a helluva lot different then when retirement actually happens. For years I couldn't wait for him to be home all day but the reality is a lot different than the dream.


Hubby and I both agree on what we'd like to do and where to live. It's the house that we can't agree on. Before he actually retired we both planned on downsizing to a small 2 bedroom home but now that he's home all day I find I need my own space and am looking at homes with 3 or 4 bedrooms or ones with family rooms and living rooms. I need my own tv room and sewing room and my own bedroom so I can get dressed in peace without running into him or waking him up. I'd still sleep in 'our' bedroom though.

He wants the HGTV special.. open concept, kitchen cabinets up to the ceiling... I want an older home with charm and a kitchen that's far enough away so I can't hear the drone of non stop news channels that regurgitate the same news all day long.. I can't reach upper cabinets anyway and it's me that will be doing the cooking so I either win that battle and get the house I want, or he cooks his own food and I told him so. I think that's a fair compromise. We're looking at homes now.. so far there hasn't been one that we agree on. Hopefully, it's out there somewhere.
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Old 08-31-2017, 12:51 PM
DKM
 
Location: Thousand Oaks, CA
2,820 posts, read 1,004,343 times
Reputation: 2847
I know some snowbirds who run into the problem where one wants to stay in one house and the other wants to be in the other.
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Old 09-01-2017, 07:10 AM
 
Location: Location: Happy Place
3,686 posts, read 1,864,831 times
Reputation: 11289
Quote:
Originally Posted by LookingatFL View Post
I have the same situation, except it is my husband who leaves me to do the planning. He just keeps saying that whatever I choose is fine. That really is no help. I am left to figure out the finances, choose where and how we will live.

His idea of retirement is sitting at home 24/7 and watching TV. He wants an in-home theater so he can watch movies. That's it. That's what he is going to do for the rest of his life.

I figure I am going to have to pick a place that will make me happy, and I will have to find friends and do things with them. Being shy, I am not looking forward to this. That's why I am thinking that maybe it will be best if we are in a 55+ community; that way I will be forced to be around people. Maybe I will decide that I want a part-time job to also keep me occupied.
What is it with the old guys? My husband is exactly this way. He would sit on the couch, watching Fox News, Pawn Stars or American Pickers, whilst eating his Little Debbie cakes and drinking soda if he had his way.

I plan nice trips and he says he doesn't really want to go, etc. I am ten years younger than he is. He's been retired six years and I am retiring in December. I almost dread dealing with his grumpy, sour moods.

Pray for me!
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