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What is it with the old guys? My husband is exactly this way. He would sit on the couch, watching Fox News, Pawn Stars or American Pickers, whilst eating his Little Debbie cakes and drinking soda if he had his way.
I plan nice trips and he says he doesn't really want to go, etc. I am ten years younger than he is. He's been retired six years and I am retiring in December. I almost dread dealing with his grumpy, sour moods.
Pray for me!
Other than watching the local news three or four times a week, I rarely watch TV. There simply isn't much that's worthwhile and even less time to watch such shows.
Seems like old guys (mine is 71) just want to sit.
I'm sure you are accurately describing your husband, but I'm not so sure about your use of the plural ("old guys").
I am 73 and I like to be on the go, even if not continuously. I still use extension ladders to do exterior painting, I just flew to New Orleans for a week about a month ago, tomorrow morning I am picking up a 25-year-old-actress (niece of a friend) to take her to a foreign film at an art house cinema, at the end of this month I have tickets to the opening opera of the season at Los Angeles Opera ("Carmen") and also to the opening season concert of the Los Angeles Master Chorale. On Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday coming up (as on every Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday when schools are in session) I will spend part of the day at a school (four schools divided among the three days) where I derive great enjoyment working with fifth graders and middle school students.
I eat out on the average of once a day. Usually breakfast at home, then a big lunch out somewhere, then a moderate snack at home in the evening.
I have friends in over 55 communities and the one thing they all tell me is that when you hear that ambulance siren.. you know what happened. We were considering an over 55 too but when I heard those friends talk about it we changed our mind. It sounded depressing. An over 55 community doesn't guarantee that there will be things to do either, or community events planned. It all depends on the people who live there and how involved they choose to be and who's going to take the job of event director, IF anyone is willing.
That doesn't sound like any 55+ I am aware of. Maybe you are thinking senior housing or a trailer park with age restrictions. A decent size 55+ has many things to do and a payroll in the millions. There is no "if anyone is willing" involved.
We always knew we would move. Neither of us wanted to stay in the house where we lived. When our kids moved away, it became obvious to me that we needed to live near them. It was hard trying to care for my mom when she lived several hours away from us, and I felt that it would be best if we lived near two of our adult kids. We visited our area many times before we moved, so I think we had a decent idea about our new home.
We did have different ideas about what we wanted in a new home, and where we wanted to live. Somehow we worked it out, but it took many talks over several years to get clear in our minds what we wanted.
Moving after retirement is a huge step, and it should not be done lightly. It is too expensive, for one thing. If you love each other, you should be able to find compromise. I do think that people should not move to an isolated area after age 65 however. If there is one thing we will need as we age, it is accessible and good medical care.
What is it with the old guys? My husband is exactly this way. He would sit on the couch, watching Fox News, Pawn Stars or American Pickers, whilst eating his Little Debbie cakes and drinking soda if he had his way.
I plan nice trips and he says he doesn't really want to go, etc. I am ten years younger than he is. He's been retired six years and I am retiring in December. I almost dread dealing with his grumpy, sour moods.
Pray for me!
Pray for me, too. My situation is just like yours except for the choice of TV shows and snacks. Mr. Bay is content to stay home all day sitting in his recliner reading, watching TV or playing on his laptop. We never go anywhere except out to eat (always the same four or five restaurants because he doesn't like to try new places) or grocery shopping. He has no interest in travel because of his health issues - the health issues he wouldn't have if he weren't so sedentary.
I am frustrated because I would like to get out more and do things, but Mr. Bay wants me to stay home with him all the time. When I do go out on my own or with friends, he turns grumpy and sour. He worries that something will happen to me and tracks my whereabouts on his laptop. If my location is not what he expected, he'll sometimes call me on my cell phone and ask "Where are you?"
I am all he has in life. He is so worried about losing me and doesn't trust that I will be safe if he's not there to "supervise." His behavior sounds controlling, I know, but it's all from anxiety. He is not abusive in any way, just a scared little puppy who needs constant reassurance. Because of his anxiety, and because we live in a very small house that's all on one level, I have absolutely no privacy. I feel that I'm constantly under surveillance, and it is hard to bear. I find myself looking forward to his haircuts and doctors' appointments because I can have the house to myself for a couple of hours.
The one thing we do agree about is that we have no desire to move. We want to stay where we are for as long as possible.
Pray for me, too. My situation is just like yours except for the choice of TV shows and snacks. Mr. Bay is content to stay home all day sitting in his recliner reading, watching TV or playing on his laptop. We never go anywhere except out to eat (always the same four or five restaurants because he doesn't like to try new places) or grocery shopping. He has no interest in travel because of his health issues - the health issues he wouldn't have if he weren't so sedentary.
I am frustrated because I would like to get out more and do things, but Mr. Bay wants me to stay home with him all the time. When I do go out on my own or with friends, he turns grumpy and sour. He worries that something will happen to me and tracks my whereabouts on his laptop. If my location is not what he expected, he'll sometimes call me on my cell phone and ask "Where are you?"
I am all he has in life. He is so worried about losing me and doesn't trust that I will be safe if he's not there to "supervise." His behavior sounds controlling, I know, but it's all from anxiety. He is not abusive in any way, just a scared little puppy who needs constant reassurance. Because of his anxiety, and because we live in a very small house that's all on one level, I have absolutely no privacy. I feel that I'm constantly under surveillance, and it is hard to bear. I find myself looking forward to his haircuts and doctors' appointments because I can have the house to myself for a couple of hours.
The one thing we do agree about is that we have no desire to move. We want to stay where we are for as long as possible.
OK, I know you've talked about this before and you said you're fine with the status quo. I get it.
But I just want to point out that having untreated anxiety is a choice. His anxiety -- and, no doubt, depression -- act as a brake on your life. That's controlling.
As the saying goes:
"If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always gotten."
Take a solo vacation. So he gets grumpy. So what? No one has the right to kill your joy.
OK, I know you've talked about this before and you said you're fine with the status quo. I get it.
But I just want to point out that having untreated anxiety is a choice. His anxiety -- and, no doubt, depression -- act as a brake on your life. That's controlling.
As the saying goes:
"If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always gotten."
Take a solo vacation. So he gets grumpy. So what? No one has the right to kill your joy.
Exactly, fluffy. I'm going on a trip later this month with a girlfriend. It's only for two days, but I am going to enjoy the hell out of it. Last month I spent the day up in the wine country with my stepsister. I've also signed up for Road Scholar (formerly called Elderhostel).
Mr. Bay knows he has untreated anxiety - possibly also depression - and chooses not to deal with it. He is a "nuts and bolts" kind of guy, not very insightful into psychological matters so not the type who would ever go into therapy. Despite his limitations he is a sweet, affectionate and funny guy. He makes me laugh every day. I love him dearly and would never leave him. So I do what I can to cope.
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