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Old 02-24-2018, 10:08 PM
 
4,620 posts, read 4,735,659 times
Reputation: 5755

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Quote:
Originally Posted by suesamover View Post
Thanks to all of you who responded to my request for your thoughts and opinions. I am very appreciative that you cared enough to reach out to me, and I am very glad that City-Data didn't lock the posts. I am still here in Michigan, having lived here now since October 2016. Nothing has changed since my original post. I have let depression and loneliness take hold of me during this time, and even though it was apparent to me, I refused to see it. I am much better now, and I will soon begin the process to find a place to live, break a lease, and get rid of furniture, etc. I will have a conversation with my son, daughter and granddaughter, but it will only be to tell them that I understand we have our own lives to live, and they are welcome to come anytime. They will find out later they will have to pay their own way. I will be moving back to Florida in a a few months, and rest assured that I have learned from my mistakes. All of you are telling me exactly what my support group (friends and family) tried to get me to hear before I made the move. I have read ALL of your posts, and I am grateful. Thank you again. All of you.
Sorry to see that you had to go through something like this.....good luck in Florida
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Old 04-17-2018, 04:10 PM
 
207 posts, read 82,927 times
Reputation: 576
Quote:
Originally Posted by HappyDogToday View Post
I guess I just don't understand this desire to move away from all that is familiar and a part of one's life history just because of retirement. I find comfort in familiarity and memories.:
Before my wife and I were married we were both nomadic. Between the two of us we lived in Washington, DC., New Jersey, Connecticut , St Louis, Los Angeles, Las Vegas, Oakland, Colorado SPrings, upstate NY, Panama and San Francisco.

After married we settled down in the suburbs.

At our roots the both of us are nomadic ... we both want to be nomadic again.
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Old 04-17-2018, 08:37 PM
 
Location: next up where ever I go
588 posts, read 344,283 times
Reputation: 2087
Again here we are.

Expecting people to comply with our situations.

Sweetness,

As I gather, you were or not happy in Florida. You were happy or were you not. Please do not put all this on your children.

Were you happy in Florida? Please ask yourself of that... Florida to Michigan? What!

Cost of living. THE WEATHER. JEEZ. Thought you might feel some kind of feeling for family going back to Michigan?

Oh, hell.

I would trade a winter to a summer in Michigan forever, except for the flying you knowwhats! for a winter in FL three times over.

GO BACK TO FLORIDA!

GO NOW as again, in Indianapolis we have SNOW in APRIL!

Just tell your kids...sorry...we just love Florida and we want you to come ANY TIME YOU LIKE.

you will be saying...Jeesh when are they going to leave!

love love
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Old 04-17-2018, 09:00 PM
 
Location: next up where ever I go
588 posts, read 344,283 times
Reputation: 2087
Quote:
Originally Posted by Supermex View Post
My recommendation is to have a serious no BS talk with your children. In my opinion there are only a few reasons to explain the behavior of your child.

1. You are doing something that they don't like so they are distancing themselves from you. (this is my mother)

2. You didn't model a close relationship with your parents and your child thinks being aloof with parents is normal.

3. Your child is a selfish rear end who only cares about themselves.

4. You had a rocky relationship with your child and they refuse to forgive you and are punishing you by not being close to you with the intent to be hurtful.

5. Your child is a sociopath who has no empathy for others.

6. Their spouse dislikes you and your child is such a feckless weakling they won't stand up to their spouse.

Ask them directly which of the above is the case or why they are not spending time with you. Be open to the possiblity that you are the problem.

If they don't change, leave and go back to Florida. Consider leaving your inheritance to a charity or someone else; why would you give your lifework to an ungrateful child.
Oh my god, OP, hateful as the day is long.

Nothing to see here....move along.
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Old 04-18-2018, 04:10 AM
 
Location: Ypsilanti, MI
2,430 posts, read 3,657,283 times
Reputation: 4758
Quote:
Originally Posted by ss20ts View Post
Just remember that you've been gone for well over a year and things back in Florida have also changed since you've been gone.
Yes. Things will be different in Florida now than they were when you left. Maybe better, maybe worse, but almost certainly different. Regardless, I am certain you will feel much better there than how you have felt in Michigan for the past 18 months.

Best wishes!
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Old 04-18-2018, 04:21 AM
 
Location: Tampa, FL
27,798 posts, read 26,192,061 times
Reputation: 14611
Quote:
Originally Posted by AlaskaErik View Post
The original poster has never responded once after the initial post. That means there are 68 posts that were wasted for the most part. And this is just one of many posts where the OP disappears after the initial post. Posts like this should self-lock if the OP fails to participate after so many days, like one or two weeks or after so many posts, like 20 or 30 posts. It sure would cut down on all the responses that go to waste because the OP disappears and never reads them.
agree, but there may be others who glean some information from the recommendations
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Old 04-20-2018, 01:54 PM
 
Location: Meggett, SC
10,653 posts, read 9,032,960 times
Reputation: 5933
Quote:
Originally Posted by fluffythewondercat View Post
Well, that confirms my suspicion.

Seriously, I have had so many people tell me this RV -> kid's driveway -> month-long visit idea that I think it must be going around on the AARP boards or something.

And remember the overbearing parents who moved into the daughter's new guest house even after she explicitly told them it was a bad time and not to come...and then they wouldn't leave?
I was reading this because the topic caught my eye and saw this. So funny because I'm the one with the parents who stayed and stayed and stayed in our guest house. Ended up being just over three months.

For those who gave advice to not depend on your children for your new social life, good answer!! I love my parents but that seemingly never ending stay caused a LOT of resentment and anger. I did have to upset them and tell them they were not allowed to visit the next year and that any future visits would be capped to three weeks max. Did I want to have that conversation? Nope. Did I need to in order to preserve my sanity? Yep.

Here's the thing. We have our own lives and our worries, issues, things to do, social circles, etc. Because parents have more time in retirement does not mean we have the time in our lives. Is it bratty of me? Maybe. But I also recall my parents being my age and going nuts after only a few days when we visited their parents. So for the OP, if you have an active social life and have friends, go back to Florida. It would THRILL me if my parents would branch out and make their own friends and have their own social life.

The RV thing???? HORRIBLE. Do not do this to your kids. DO NOT! Now my parents are poised to visit again next month....for a week. They'll be here for my daughter's graduation. Guess what? We're happy to have them and I'm taking some time off work to spend time with them. I keep in touch with them and let them know what's going on with our life via FB, phone calls, etc. They do the same. But I shouldn't be their replacement social life. I won't do it to my daughter when we retire (already told her to remind me if I ever try).

Short answer, you hopefully raised your kids to be independent. Allow them to be so. Do not look to your children for your social life. Find a group who has the same interests, etc as you do. You'll be happier in the long term as will your children. Forced social interaction will do nothing but cause resentment and avoidance.
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Old 01-22-2019, 02:19 PM
 
13 posts, read 15,883 times
Reputation: 77
Default Update to Senior Moved from Florida to Michigan, Mistake?

Thank you to everyone who responded to my request, I read all your responses, and I did some major thinking. Everyone tried to tell me exactly what all of you were telling me. I couldn't see it. I begin to 'see' that I was the one who felt that I needed to be closer, not them. I needed to work on me, and I am still working on me but I understand it!!! I got it! I have raised my two grown children to be independent, and they are doing well, and I know that they love me. I have moved back to Florida, and I am now living in an Over 55 Community in southeast portion of Florida, not central Florida, where I was living. I agree with the old saying 'you can never go home again'. You are right that things change, places change and most of all, the people change. In my new location, I have family within a couple of hours of me (sister and 2 brothers) and I have made friends, and stay busy. My son and daughter can visit me anytime they want, and I will visit them during the summer months.

I appreciate all of you, and I appreciate City-Data for posting my requests. With this response, I want to end this thread, and I want to wish all of you a very happy 2019.

Suesamover

Last edited by suesamover; 01-22-2019 at 02:22 PM.. Reason: Closure
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Old 01-22-2019, 05:01 PM
 
Location: VT; previously MD & NJ
2,183 posts, read 1,338,732 times
Reputation: 6286
Glad to hear you figured it out, and that is is working well for you.
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Old 01-22-2019, 06:06 PM
 
Location: North Alabama
767 posts, read 1,845,553 times
Reputation: 725
This has been a wonderful thread, with many helpful posts. Thank you all for your insightful posts, which have helped me sort out a somewhat similar situation. This thread represents the best of what this forum provides.
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