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Old 09-03-2017, 06:41 AM
 
Location: Colorado Springs
4,840 posts, read 4,954,521 times
Reputation: 17309

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I think it's a mistake to move in order to be close to your kids and grand kids. They need to live their own lives and so do you.

In our case, because our kids live in San Francisco, the most expensive place ever, we just get a plane ticket when we want to visit. That leaves them free to move wherever their careers take them.

When we were in our twenties and her mother had become too smothering by visiting too much, we moved 1000 mikes away. That fixed it. So realize that there are two sides of the story.

Do your own things!
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Old 09-03-2017, 07:55 AM
 
Location: Scottsdale, AZ
7,664 posts, read 4,705,800 times
Reputation: 28050
Whenever I hear an older couple talking about buying a big RV so they can visit each of their kids for months at a time and park the rig in their driveway, I wonder if the kids had anything to say about that.

I'm not a parent. But it seems to me that you give a child his own life and in return, he gives your life back to you when he leaves home.

Go back to Florida. Live your life.
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Old 09-03-2017, 08:49 AM
 
Location: The South
5,225 posts, read 3,635,618 times
Reputation: 7906
Quote:
Originally Posted by suesamover View Post
I lived in Michigan for many years before moving to Florida to work in 1999, and I moved back October 2016 to be near my two grown adult children, and my one adult grandchild in the Downriver area. During this entire year, I haven't seen or heard from them much, see them about every two to three months, and we talk about once or twice a month, but do text more often. I don't have a social life here, and it seems so much harder to make friends once you are older. I am 73. I am considering moving back to Florida where I had a very active social life, and in addition to close friends, I have two older brothers and a sister there that I socialize with quite alot. When I lived in Florida I would only see my children if they flew to Florida (I pay for them to come fly back and forth) or I fly back to see them. They don't have a bedroom for me when I do come back and I rent a motel room. That hurts my feelings, as I always made room for them when they came, and I always treated them the entire time they visited me. People here warned me that I may not see them, and things like this might happen. Are any of you in the same or similar situation? What do you advise me to do? I have a good retirement, and no debt. Why am I so torn about this? I need your advice, please.
Your home is in Florida, go home.
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Old 09-03-2017, 08:51 AM
 
93 posts, read 55,934 times
Reputation: 275
I would move back. It seems you were happier in Florida as you had a social life and the weather is so much better.
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Old 09-03-2017, 09:03 AM
 
Location: Loudon, TN
5,783 posts, read 4,836,241 times
Reputation: 19458
When you always have to be the instigator of "spending time together" it can be painful. It seems like they really don't want to see you. Sometimes I think people just get so wrapped up in their own lives they forget to include others who care about them.

I learned long ago never to live in a particular place just to be near someone. If you think about it, if they cared equally they would want to live near you. Now obviously with adult kids they have their careers and their children to think about, so they are going to live where it is best for them. You should do the same. Live where it's best for you.

It sounds like Florida is a place where you have a social circle and you can have a more active life in a place where it doesn't get cold and icy for months on end.
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Old 09-03-2017, 10:31 AM
 
Location: Somewhere in America
12,304 posts, read 10,766,103 times
Reputation: 20540
Quote:
Originally Posted by suesamover View Post
I lived in Michigan for many years before moving to Florida to work in 1999, and I moved back October 2016 to be near my two grown adult children, and my one adult grandchild in the Downriver area. During this entire year, I haven't seen or heard from them much, see them about every two to three months, and we talk about once or twice a month, but do text more often. I don't have a social life here, and it seems so much harder to make friends once you are older. I am 73. I am considering moving back to Florida where I had a very active social life, and in addition to close friends, I have two older brothers and a sister there that I socialize with quite alot. When I lived in Florida I would only see my children if they flew to Florida (I pay for them to come fly back and forth) or I fly back to see them. They don't have a bedroom for me when I do come back and I rent a motel room. That hurts my feelings, as I always made room for them when they came, and I always treated them the entire time they visited me. People here warned me that I may not see them, and things like this might happen. Are any of you in the same or similar situation? What do you advise me to do? I have a good retirement, and no debt. Why am I so torn about this? I need your advice, please.
Sounds like you thought moving back to Michigan would mean your adult children would change their lives to spend a lot of time with you and be your social circle. That's just unrealistic. They have their own lives. They have jobs. Your grandchild is also an adult which means college/job and his/her life as well.

You need to get out and join some groups, clubs, library events, senior center, etc. You need to make your own friends. It's not going to happen overnight. It takes time.

Most people I know don't have a guest room. Their house just isn't large enough. Some people also don't want people including family to stay at their house, be at their beckon call, not get a break at all during a visit, etc. Not saying that's the case here, but these are issues for many folks. I know when I have guests, some drive me batty and criticize everything we do and our way of life. What works for us doesn't work for others, but that's life.
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Old 09-03-2017, 10:33 AM
 
Location: Paranoid State
13,047 posts, read 10,439,740 times
Reputation: 15683
The best way to see more of your adult children is to move to a place your adult children view as a vacation destination. For Example: Las Vegas. Another example: A ski-in/ski-out home. Or a house on the beach. Or a lake house.
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Old 09-03-2017, 10:40 AM
 
Location: Somewhere in America
12,304 posts, read 10,766,103 times
Reputation: 20540
Quote:
Originally Posted by fluffythewondercat View Post
Whenever I hear an older couple talking about buying a big RV so they can visit each of their kids for months at a time and park the rig in their driveway, I wonder if the kids had anything to say about that.

I'm not a parent. But it seems to me that you give a child his own life and in return, he gives your life back to you when he leaves home.

Go back to Florida. Live your life.
My parents bought an RV last year....first thing they said was they could come stay at our house and just park in our driveway for weeks. I said no. I said you wouldn't even be able to get the RV into our driveway. We can't have it here for weeks. First off, it won't fit. Secondly, we don't have room for a RV in our driveway plus our vehicles which we use daily. You can't park on our street - it's not allowed. Not to mention there's a ditch between the road and our yard.

My parents were upset, but I knew having them here for weeks was not an option. I'm about to grab a straightjacket and Lithium when they're here for a weekend! I'd never leave a mental institution if they were here for weeks. We also have our own lives. We both have full time jobs. We have a bunch of pets. We have a lot going on in life so we don't have time to entertain them for weeks.
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Old 09-03-2017, 11:09 AM
 
Location: Scottsdale, AZ
7,664 posts, read 4,705,800 times
Reputation: 28050
Quote:
Originally Posted by ss20ts View Post
My parents bought an RV last year....first thing they said was they could come stay at our house and just park in our driveway for weeks. I said no. I said you wouldn't even be able to get the RV into our driveway. We can't have it here for weeks. First off, it won't fit. Secondly, we don't have room for a RV in our driveway plus our vehicles which we use daily. You can't park on our street - it's not allowed. Not to mention there's a ditch between the road and our yard.

My parents were upset, but I knew having them here for weeks was not an option. I'm about to grab a straightjacket and Lithium when they're here for a weekend! I'd never leave a mental institution if they were here for weeks. We also have our own lives. We both have full time jobs. We have a bunch of pets. We have a lot going on in life so we don't have time to entertain them for weeks.
Well, that confirms my suspicion.

Seriously, I have had so many people tell me this RV -> kid's driveway -> month-long visit idea that I think it must be going around on the AARP boards or something.

And remember the overbearing parents who moved into the daughter's new guest house even after she explicitly told them it was a bad time and not to come...and then they wouldn't leave?
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Old 09-03-2017, 12:20 PM
 
Location: Scottsdale, AZ
7,664 posts, read 4,705,800 times
Reputation: 28050
Quote:
Originally Posted by SportyandMisty View Post
The best way to see more of your adult children is to move to a place your adult children view as a vacation destination. For Example: Las Vegas. Another example: A ski-in/ski-out home. Or a house on the beach. Or a lake house.
Yes, that's good. You have to be careful, though, when choosing a location.

There was a feature in the Wall Street Journal about a wealthy retired couple who built an enormous estate on something like 100 riverside acres in Montana. It had everything for recreation one could imagine.

The problem was that it was seven hours from the nearest airport. It didn't take long for the kids to decide that was more traveling than they wanted to do. I don't know why they didn't buy enough land to build an airstrip as well.
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