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Old 09-15-2017, 12:08 PM
 
6,344 posts, read 3,573,078 times
Reputation: 7257

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We moved from Florida back up North. No regrets whatsoever. Besides seeing grandkids more often, I just could not take the weather in South Florida. I would rather deal with cold and blizzards than heat, humidity, and (now) hurricanes.

My husband made friends from his job there; young enough to be our children. Neither of us had any friends in Florida our own age. Even after our move back up North, all of my husband's friends are a good 20 or 30 years younger than he is; neighbors or at the VWF Post.

Our children never came to Florida for Holidays. We went back up North to them. They, and we, did not want to spend our Holidays there. Once in 10 years was enough for all of us. Our older daughter moved to Florida and lasted 3 months before she moved back up North.

My daughters and I probably have a unique relationship, perhaps based on our culture, very much the same as I had with my own Mom. My younger daughter and I share a common interest, which none of her generation nor mine share, so we do it together. She would come to Florida, minus husband and kids, to share it with me. I would also fly back North to go with her, minus my husband. It is very nice that since we now only live about 2 hours away, we can get together far more often and far less expensive. Now she comes to visit us, all alone, once a month. Other times her whole family comes to stay with us overnight. I do go over her house to spend a day or two on occasion, but she comes to me far more often. My older daughter, married with no kids, called me up and we are planning an outing in October with her wife and inlaws. I enjoy their company.

I suppose it just depends on the individual. There is no one size fits all.
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Old 09-15-2017, 12:26 PM
 
Location: Eastern Washington
14,216 posts, read 44,870,326 times
Reputation: 12787
Quote:
Originally Posted by suesamover View Post
I lived in Michigan for many years before moving to Florida to work in 1999, and I moved back October 2016 to be near my two grown adult children, and my one adult grandchild in the Downriver area. During this entire year, I haven't seen or heard from them much, see them about every two to three months, and we talk about once or twice a month, but do text more often. I don't have a social life here, and it seems so much harder to make friends once you are older. I am 73. I am considering moving back to Florida where I had a very active social life, and in addition to close friends, I have two older brothers and a sister there that I socialize with quite alot. When I lived in Florida I would only see my children if they flew to Florida (I pay for them to come fly back and forth) or I fly back to see them. They don't have a bedroom for me when I do come back and I rent a motel room. That hurts my feelings, as I always made room for them when they came, and I always treated them the entire time they visited me. People here warned me that I may not see them, and things like this might happen. Are any of you in the same or similar situation? What do you advise me to do? I have a good retirement, and no debt. Why am I so torn about this? I need your advice, please.
Notwithstanding the hurricane, I would much rather be in Florida than Michigan. Why freeze your butt off in retirement? I think "chasing" your kids is nuts, they will move where they want to or need to for work. As a retiree you have the option to live where you want.

Get on the stick, and get away from Frostbite Falls before winter sets in!
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Old 09-18-2017, 01:03 PM
 
5,822 posts, read 13,308,406 times
Reputation: 9289
We spent ten winters in FL and IAH I prefer the north. In your situation I would move back to FL, where you have a support system, friends and a more active life. You can't move where your children live or depend upon them to include you in their lives. Since you have lived apart so many years, both you and your children have developed independent lives. I also would not pay for them to visit. You are paying for their company. If they want to come, they can pay for it. AFA the holidays, spend it with your friends.

My daughter lives 50 minutes away. Both she and her husband work and they have two children in activities. She makes the time to come and help me out with yard work or whatever whenever she can. I know how hard it is working and running kids to their activities. Rest of children live in other states. They call several times a week but I don't get to see them much. I am recently widowed and am learning to make a new life, without being dependent on my children.
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Old 09-18-2017, 01:38 PM
 
Location: Forests of Maine
30,669 posts, read 49,416,421 times
Reputation: 19124
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ellwood View Post
... You can't move where your children live or depend upon them to include you in their lives. Since you have lived apart so many years, both you and your children have developed independent lives. I also would not pay for them to visit. You are paying for their company. If they want to come, they can pay for it. AFA the holidays, spend it with your friends.
This says a lot to me. I have four siblings, none of us are very close. No big feuds or fighting, we just aren't close. I pursued a career in the military, which led me away to different locations and kept us moving every couple years. After I retired I tried to re-connect with my siblings, but we are strangers now. When I go out to visit them, I find that their lives are full of social connections and responsibilities. There is no hole for me to fit into in their lives.

My children grew-up re-locating many times. So neither of them think of any particular place as 'home'. As soon as they went out on their own, they became independent. My Dw and I are not really a part of their lives anymore [outside of phone calls and facebook].

We taught our children to be independent and now they are.
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Old 09-20-2017, 03:24 PM
 
46 posts, read 20,884 times
Reputation: 81
My recommendation is to have a serious no BS talk with your children. In my opinion there are only a few reasons to explain the behavior of your child.

1. You are doing something that they don't like so they are distancing themselves from you. (this is my mother)

2. You didn't model a close relationship with your parents and your child thinks being aloof with parents is normal.

3. Your child is a selfish rear end who only cares about themselves.

4. You had a rocky relationship with your child and they refuse to forgive you and are punishing you by not being close to you with the intent to be hurtful.

5. Your child is a sociopath who has no empathy for others.

6. Their spouse dislikes you and your child is such a feckless weakling they won't stand up to their spouse.

Ask them directly which of the above is the case or why they are not spending time with you. Be open to the possiblity that you are the problem.

If they don't change, leave and go back to Florida. Consider leaving your inheritance to a charity or someone else; why would you give your lifework to an ungrateful child.
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Old 09-20-2017, 03:31 PM
 
Location: Somewhere in America
12,304 posts, read 10,753,854 times
Reputation: 20540
Quote:
Originally Posted by Supermex View Post
My recommendation is to have a serious no BS talk with your children. In my opinion there are only a few reasons to explain the behavior of your child.

1. You are doing something that they don't like so they are distancing themselves from you. (this is my mother)

2. You didn't model a close relationship with your parents and your child thinks being aloof with parents is normal.

3. Your child is a selfish rear end who only cares about themselves.

4. You had a rocky relationship with your child and they refuse to forgive you and are punishing you by not being close to you with the intent to be hurtful.

5. Your child is a sociopath who has no empathy for others.

6. Their spouse dislikes you and your child is such a feckless weakling they won't stand up to their spouse.

Ask them directly which of the above is the case or why they are not spending time with you. Be open to the possiblity that you are the problem.

If they don't change, leave and go back to Florida. Consider leaving your inheritance to a charity or someone else; why would you give your lifework to an ungrateful child.
Wow. Nothing good will come out of that conversation. Nothing but hurt feelings and creating complete havoc on any relationship there is. I wouldn't expect most relationships to survive that chat. If they do, they will be forever changed.
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Old 09-20-2017, 06:49 PM
 
46 posts, read 20,884 times
Reputation: 81
Quote:
Originally Posted by ss20ts View Post
Wow. Nothing good will come out of that conversation. Nothing but hurt feelings and creating complete havoc on any relationship there is. I wouldn't expect most relationships to survive that chat. If they do, they will be forever changed.
Change is what she wants. This conversation will either make the decision to move self evident or the relationship will change for he better.
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Old 09-21-2017, 01:17 PM
 
3,373 posts, read 3,781,240 times
Reputation: 4189
This strikes home with me somewhat, because although our daughter lives in NYC, she and her husband both grew up in Wisconsin, and both sets of parents are here. HOWEVER we plan on moving to Florida next year. People keep asking me what I will do if they move back to Wisconsin. (They are recently married and want to have children, and friends/relatives assume they will move back when that happens.) I reply that as they have been a plane ride away for the past 10 years, things won't change, they'll still be just a plane ride away. And I don't want to infringe on their lives. They need to live their own lives and raise their children as they see fit. If they ask for my advice I'll give it. Otherwise I intend to keep my nose out of their business whether they're a car ride or a plane ride away.
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Old 09-22-2017, 05:00 AM
 
46 posts, read 20,884 times
Reputation: 81
Quote:
Originally Posted by mrs.cool View Post
This strikes home with me somewhat, because although our daughter lives in NYC, she and her husband both grew up in Wisconsin, and both sets of parents are here. HOWEVER we plan on moving to Florida next year. People keep asking me what I will do if they move back to Wisconsin. (They are recently married and want to have children, and friends/relatives assume they will move back when that happens.) I reply that as they have been a plane ride away for the past 10 years, things won't change, they'll still be just a plane ride away. And I don't want to infringe on their lives. They need to live their own lives and raise their children as they see fit. If they ask for my advice I'll give it. Otherwise I intend to keep my nose out of their business whether they're a car ride or a plane ride away.


I wish you were my Mother Mrs. Cool; can I adopt you.... lol
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Old 09-22-2017, 08:48 PM
 
Location: Wasilla, AK
7,227 posts, read 4,119,698 times
Reputation: 15540
The original poster has never responded once after the initial post. That means there are 68 posts that were wasted for the most part. And this is just one of many posts where the OP disappears after the initial post. Posts like this should self-lock if the OP fails to participate after so many days, like one or two weeks or after so many posts, like 20 or 30 posts. It sure would cut down on all the responses that go to waste because the OP disappears and never reads them.
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