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Old 10-02-2017, 08:14 PM
 
4,431 posts, read 2,605,246 times
Reputation: 10294

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Quote:
Originally Posted by suesamover View Post
I lived in Michigan for many years before moving to Florida to work in 1999, and I moved back October 2016 to be near my two grown adult children, and my one adult grandchild in the Downriver area. During this entire year, I haven't seen or heard from them much, see them about every two to three months, and we talk about once or twice a month, but do text more often. I don't have a social life here, and it seems so much harder to make friends once you are older. I am 73. I am considering moving back to Florida where I had a very active social life, and in addition to close friends, I have two older brothers and a sister there that I socialize with quite alot. When I lived in Florida I would only see my children if they flew to Florida (I pay for them to come fly back and forth) or I fly back to see them. They don't have a bedroom for me when I do come back and I rent a motel room. That hurts my feelings, as I always made room for them when they came, and I always treated them the entire time they visited me. People here warned me that I may not see them, and things like this might happen. Are any of you in the same or similar situation? What do you advise me to do? I have a good retirement, and no debt. Why am I so torn about this? I need your advice, please.
OP, I haven't read the rest of the postings, so I don't know if you've changed anything, but here is something my father said to me:
" don't move somewhere to be close to some relative, because it won't work out like you think".

He said also "don't stay here because of me if you want to go somewhere else, and don't move somewhere just because I did".

He learned that after the tales of two neighbors who moved several times just to be near adult children and grandchildren, and it was a failure just like you mentioned.

Also his cousin had the sane experience, trying to move to see more of her children, epic fail three times.

My own grandmother moved to Florida, originally financed her winter home with a rental in the property and grew her estate to include rental houses that were expressly for her children WHEN they moved to Florida. That never happened. Then she started buying hones for her grandchildren. None ever came to live there. I myself visited every year as I could, and once went to live in one of the rentals for a while, but jobs in and around her little town werent anything cracked up to be. Even when MY AUNTS AND UNCLE'S RETIRED, they didnt want to go to Florida, Or not my grandmother's area of Florida. They choose another area.

Adult children usually have their own lives, children to raise, jobs jobs jobs. They don't have the luxury if coming at 2:39 pm everyday just for tea and a chat, just because you live near by.

THAT statement isn't meant to be harsh, just a reality Check.

My FIL forgets we have 3 jobs between us, a combined 86 hours of work a week, and our own lives to attend to
. We even live in the town across the river. He wants a daily phone call to be sure he's still alive. It's a pain in the tukkus to do EVERY DAY, as we fall into bed and think "did we call today?" He USED to play tricks about NOT anwering the phone to see if we'd ccome running, and "OH, by the way , can you visit while you're here?" When we'd get there, Guess What? We Can't go running as we are probably on our way to work, or to exhausted from Working for GAMES . Often he'd be out when we got there.
But we got his number down pat and now only call later at night when he's likely to be home ready for bed.

Please note, we don't begrudge him a simple phone call, but the phone works BOTH ways. He can call anytime hed like and leave a message to let us know he's all right. But hes a control freak, and it's his way of controlling.

He wont get involved in senior activity unless it has to do with his *two years* of his "glory days" in the military . You know, no one ever served better than he did, and he feels he should get a 21 gun salute, a missing man fly over , and a dedicated flag flown for him over the white house , and a full military funeral with pipes and drums, taps played on the bugle for his service. He may be entitled to a little of that, but he was a basic service member, NOT a war hero!

He says senior events are boring. So he thinks WE should come and entertain him every day. We are NOT RETIRED YET. We don't have the time! Then, he is losing his memory, and argues over everything until even when he's dead wrong about something , if we don't say "you're absolutely right", he gets angry and orders us to leave.

We can only tolerate so much of that.

OP, Do what YOU want to do, go live where YOU want to live, and be happy anout it. DONT expect others to do what you think THEY should.

Your children will visit, even if you have to pay for it, and be happy about it when they do, or go see them when you can. Remember they have to schedule vacation or take time off to cone see you.

Even IF they're retired, they STILL have a life of their own.
It's not their job to be your baby sitter.

They aren't ingrates, they just have their own lives!

Thank goodness my father isn't like my FIL, he gets a visit from me for about an hour every other week when I'm in his nearby town on business, like clock work. Well generally. This summer I started a new job so my visits dropped off for a while. But he understood that.

Best of luck, but if I were you, I'd move back to Florida.

Sorry if my statements sound harsh, but as I said earlier: REALITY CHECK.
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Old 02-19-2018, 07:49 AM
 
13 posts, read 15,883 times
Reputation: 77
Default Suesamover Response to all replies

Quote:
Originally Posted by AlaskaErik View Post
The original poster has never responded once after the initial post. That means there are 68 posts that were wasted for the most part. And this is just one of many posts where the OP disappears after the initial post. Posts like this should self-lock if the OP fails to participate after so many days, like one or two weeks or after so many posts, like 20 or 30 posts. It sure would cut down on all the responses that go to waste because the OP disappears and never reads them.
Thanks to all of you who responded to my request for your thoughts and opinions. I am very appreciative that you cared enough to reach out to me, and I am very glad that City-Data didn't lock the posts. I am still here in Michigan, having lived here now since October 2016. Nothing has changed since my original post. I have let depression and loneliness take hold of me during this time, and even though it was apparent to me, I refused to see it. I am much better now, and I will soon begin the process to find a place to live, break a lease, and get rid of furniture, etc. I will have a conversation with my son, daughter and granddaughter, but it will only be to tell them that I understand we have our own lives to live, and they are welcome to come anytime. They will find out later they will have to pay their own way. I will be moving back to Florida in a a few months, and rest assured that I have learned from my mistakes. All of you are telling me exactly what my support group (friends and family) tried to get me to hear before I made the move. I have read ALL of your posts, and I am grateful. Thank you again. All of you.
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Old 02-19-2018, 09:29 AM
 
Location: Prescott AZ
6,119 posts, read 9,068,748 times
Reputation: 11540
Sue: Thanks for coming back ! It's great that you have "come to your senses" LOL and are making preparations to go back. It's too bad you waited so long to make the decision.But each of us has to go at our own pace, learning and growing. Good luck to you !
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Old 02-19-2018, 01:37 PM
 
Location: Kennett Square, PA
1,696 posts, read 2,601,498 times
Reputation: 2594
Sue, it's okay; depression and self-doubt, after making a mistake DOES INDEED take its toll. I've been there as well.

THREE CHEERS that you made the decision to leave. Wishing you all the best!
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Old 02-20-2018, 02:26 AM
 
394 posts, read 156,333 times
Reputation: 1097
Quote:
Originally Posted by suesamover View Post
I lived in Michigan for many years before moving to Florida to work in 1999, and I moved back October 2016 to be near my two grown adult children, and my one adult grandchild in the Downriver area. During this entire year, I haven't seen or heard from them much, see them about every two to three months, and we talk about once or twice a month, but do text more often. I don't have a social life here, and it seems so much harder to make friends once you are older. I am 73. I am considering moving back to Florida where I had a very active social life, and in addition to close friends, I have two older brothers and a sister there that I socialize with quite alot. When I lived in Florida I would only see my children if they flew to Florida (I pay for them to come fly back and forth) or I fly back to see them. They don't have a bedroom for me when I do come back and I rent a motel room. That hurts my feelings, as I always made room for them when they came, and I always treated them the entire time they visited me. People here warned me that I may not see them, and things like this might happen. Are any of you in the same or similar situation? What do you advise me to do? I have a good retirement, and no debt. Why am I so torn about this? I need your advice, please.
Just tell them that you are moving back to Florida. If they want to come visit, they are more than welcome and you can send them the plane tickets. Let them stay with you if that is o.K. with you. Let them know that you are 73, and not sure who to leave your assets to when you die. Let them know that since you don't see them much, you are thinking of making the grandchildren and your siblings the beneficiaries. A few charities wouldn't be bad as well to add to the list. This may alienate them a bit, but who cares?
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Old 02-20-2018, 07:16 AM
 
13 posts, read 15,883 times
Reputation: 77
All very good advice. Thank you everyone.
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Old 02-20-2018, 07:23 AM
 
3,604 posts, read 1,639,332 times
Reputation: 13546
Quote:
Originally Posted by suesamover View Post
All very good advice. Thank you everyone.

All the best. thanks for letting us know
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Old 02-20-2018, 09:42 AM
 
252 posts, read 131,630 times
Reputation: 645
Quote:
Originally Posted by alaskaerik View Post
the original poster has never responded once after the initial post. That means there are 68 posts that were wasted for the most part. And this is just one of many posts where the op disappears after the initial post. Posts like this should self-lock if the op fails to participate after so many days, like one or two weeks or after so many posts, like 20 or 30 posts. It sure would cut down on all the responses that go to waste because the op disappears and never reads them.
boom!
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Old 02-20-2018, 09:47 AM
 
Location: Somewhere in America
12,304 posts, read 10,753,854 times
Reputation: 20540
Just remember that you've been gone for well over a year and things back in Florida have also changed since you've been gone.
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Old 02-20-2018, 12:44 PM
 
Location: Midwest
4,252 posts, read 7,140,357 times
Reputation: 7149
Quote:
Originally Posted by suesamover View Post
Thanks to all of you who responded to my request for your thoughts and opinions. I am very appreciative that you cared enough to reach out to me, and I am very glad that City-Data didn't lock the posts. I am still here in Michigan, having lived here now since October 2016. Nothing has changed since my original post. I have let depression and loneliness take hold of me during this time, and even though it was apparent to me, I refused to see it. I am much better now, and I will soon begin the process to find a place to live, break a lease, and get rid of furniture, etc. I will have a conversation with my son, daughter and granddaughter, but it will only be to tell them that I understand we have our own lives to live, and they are welcome to come anytime. They will find out later they will have to pay their own way. I will be moving back to Florida in a a few months, and rest assured that I have learned from my mistakes. All of you are telling me exactly what my support group (friends and family) tried to get me to hear before I made the move. I have read ALL of your posts, and I am grateful. Thank you again. All of you.
GOOD FOR YOU! Moving on...having a life. Crazy!
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