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I moved 1,000 miles but fairly close to a major east-west interstate and end up being the stop-over spot for family and friends. I used to live about 150 miles from family but the highway only worked in one direction...me going to see them. Now I see more visitors than I did when I lived closer. I don't think moving to be close to family is a great idea unless you are going to be very close (walking distance) or have a real need to be that close for health reasons.
This thread points out the potential pitfalls of relocating after retirement. Still, the threads go on and on ... about people packing-up and moving halfway across the country, based on the notion that they will be happier somewhere else.
As people get older, they tend to get settled with their group of friends. They no longer have the connections they depended upon earlier in life for their social circle (work, kids, social groups, etc) and often lack the energy to start-over building long-term relationships. (In some respects, building a new network is a lot like 'speed dating.')
Another often overlooked point is the "you can't go home again" situation. We moved 6-years ago to get closer to grandkids and children - and have come to the realization that we gave-up an established support network, better weather, less traffic and other things. Further, while we love the kids and grandkids and wouldn't want to give that up, we also realize that the people we left behind - have moved-on and we are no longer part of life there.
I think you have described what many of us remember from our childhoods, when families lived near enough to each other to visit every weekend. I remember constant family gatherings as a child, and I have 70+ years of photo albums to prove it. There were many cousins on both sides of the family. We gathered at relatives who had big houses and backyards, as well as those with small apartments.
Now, not so much. We have smaller families and they are scattered. As I get older, it gets harder to feel so independent as I once did. I have one child, a son. He just doesn't have the experience of large family gatherings as a major part of life. It's sad, in a way. And I'm not sure how much help he will be when I need it.
This my childhood. I saw my oodles of cousins several times a year especially around holidays - not just Christmas and Thanksgiving. The celebrations drastically decreased when my one set of great grandparents passed away. My families haven't shrunk - actually the opposite surprisingly....lots of baby happy people.
Since my great grandparents passed away, there's been numerous family riffs and that seems to killed the holiday get togethers more than anything. The celebrations are now all immediate family and the oodles of cousins aren't invited sadly.
My husband literally has 1 first cousin. I have 27 first cousins. He's blown when he sees different parts of my family. I giggle when I go to his family events....I'm like where is everyone?
I really do miss the big family get togethers with the oodles of cousins. It would be nice to see everyone again especially since they're all adults now.
This thread points out the potential pitfalls of relocating after retirement. Still, the threads go on and on ... about people packing-up and moving halfway across the country, based on the notion that they will be happier somewhere else.
As people get older, they tend to get settled with their group of friends. They no longer have the connections they depended upon earlier in life for their social circle (work, kids, social groups, etc) and often lack the energy to start-over building long-term relationships. (In some respects, building a new network is a lot like 'speed dating.')
Another often overlooked point is the "you can't go home again" situation. We moved 6-years ago to get closer to grandkids and children - and have come to the realization that we gave-up an established support network, better weather, less traffic and other things. Further, while we love the kids and grandkids and wouldn't want to give that up, we also realize that the people we left behind - have moved-on and we are no longer part of life there.
So much of this is very true! We moved to SC and built our dream house several years ago. We were miserable....life was sooooo different than Upstate NY...no winter....no autumn....no real lakes....etc. It was just so drastically different every day and it was not our cup of tea. My husband was offered a new job with a fantastic company and he wouldn't have to travel every week anymore. The only thing was that we had to live New York State. We jumped on that opportunity to move back to NY. We didn't move back to the part of NY we're originally from. I knew our friends and families had moved on and things changed in the 2 1/2 years we were gone. We moved 3 hours away from our original home in NY and we are EXTREMELY happy here. So happy that I've told him repeatedly that I'm NEVER moving again. If he gets transferred, he has to figure that out - an apartment, come home on weekends, find a new job, whatever. I'm not moving. My grass is wicked green here and I love it!
But it seems to me that you give a child his own life and in return, he gives your life back to you when he leaves home.
Oh I like that very much!
I came to the realization years ago that my adult children will move many times during their lives, and I have no intention of trying to follow them or split time between them. They know where to find me when they have the inclination to spend time with me.
I remember one of those HGTV programs where a retired couple was moving from Long Island to Arizona. The program was all about fixing their home up for a good sale price. There was some pushback as he had built all the wooden kitchen cabinets himself and their Cape Cod had landscaping and a backyard pool which they had put much time and effort into. But they were excited about moving away from the snow and ice although their family was still there.
Long story short, it showed the new people who moved in who, of course, changed many features of the home. I know it was a TV show but one of the last shots was of the retired couple looking sad and despondent and they expressed the difficulty of adjusting, especially missing the family. They wished they could move back.
I think snowbirding is the best way to test out a new situation or change climates. Having lived all up and down the East coast, even the difference of living in a different town in a general location can really make a huge difference in how you adjust to the move.
I guess I just don't understand this desire to move away from all that is familiar and a part of one's life history just because of retirement. I find comfort in familiarity and memories.:
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