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Old 09-02-2017, 02:56 PM
 
13 posts, read 15,908 times
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I lived in Michigan for many years before moving to Florida to work in 1999, and I moved back October 2016 to be near my two grown adult children, and my one adult grandchild in the Downriver area. During this entire year, I haven't seen or heard from them much, see them about every two to three months, and we talk about once or twice a month, but do text more often. I don't have a social life here, and it seems so much harder to make friends once you are older. I am 73. I am considering moving back to Florida where I had a very active social life, and in addition to close friends, I have two older brothers and a sister there that I socialize with quite alot. When I lived in Florida I would only see my children if they flew to Florida (I pay for them to come fly back and forth) or I fly back to see them. They don't have a bedroom for me when I do come back and I rent a motel room. That hurts my feelings, as I always made room for them when they came, and I always treated them the entire time they visited me. People here warned me that I may not see them, and things like this might happen. Are any of you in the same or similar situation? What do you advise me to do? I have a good retirement, and no debt. Why am I so torn about this? I need your advice, please.
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Old 09-02-2017, 03:35 PM
Status: "I am Blessed." (set 9 days ago)
 
Location: Spurs country. "Go, Spurs, Go!"
3,417 posts, read 3,970,488 times
Reputation: 8861
Sue, ask a Mod to move this to the Retirement forum. You should receive lots of advice and comfort and recommendations there as many have been in the same predicament.

In my case my only child is a Gen X and has a husband and 2 daughters ages 9 & 11. She is so busy with her career I very rarely hear from her (we live close to each other). The girls are both "children of the world", IOW they live on their electronics and their focus is on YouTube videos, slime, and computer games. My daughter, in her free time, lives on social media. She gets annoyed by my lack of interest in technology (TMI). I don't want or use it. I am "old school" and have no use for the ways of the world today. I live my life and they live theirs. I do miss all 3 of my girls if I don't see them every 10 days or so, so I go to their house to see them. I stay an hour, if that.

I just "comfort" myself with the thought of "it's a different generation" and live my life as I want to. In your case you can "Skype" or otherwise visit with them however much you, and they, have time for.
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Old 09-02-2017, 04:28 PM
 
Location: New Mexico U.S.A.
25,335 posts, read 41,448,410 times
Reputation: 29410
Moderator cut: Thread Moved To Retirement Forum
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Old 09-02-2017, 04:32 PM
 
Location: Florida
4,366 posts, read 3,704,692 times
Reputation: 4111
I do not think this is uncommon. Also I knew on couple who move several times following their son as his job moved. They gave up on the 3rd move.
Move back to where you were.
Let your children pay their own way.
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Old 09-02-2017, 04:47 PM
 
Location: Kennett Square, PA
1,697 posts, read 2,606,323 times
Reputation: 2594
Quote:
Originally Posted by suesamover View Post
I lived in Michigan for many years before moving to Florida to work in 1999, and I moved back October 2016 to be near my two grown adult children, and my one adult grandchild in the Downriver area. During this entire year, I haven't seen or heard from them much, see them about every two to three months, and we talk about once or twice a month, but do text more often. I don't have a social life here, and it seems so much harder to make friends once you are older. I am 73. I am considering moving back to Florida where I had a very active social life, and in addition to close friends, I have two older brothers and a sister there that I socialize with quite alot. When I lived in Florida I would only see my children if they flew to Florida (I pay for them to come fly back and forth) or I fly back to see them. They don't have a bedroom for me when I do come back and I rent a motel room. That hurts my feelings, as I always made room for them when they came, and I always treated them the entire time they visited me. People here warned me that I may not see them, and things like this might happen. Are any of you in the same or similar situation? What do you advise me to do? I have a good retirement, and no debt. Why am I so torn about this? I need your advice, please.
Question: Were your adult children and grandchild enthusiastic and encouraging about your coming "home?" If they were and you don't see them much, they are not holding up their end of the bargain (the understanding that they want you there). You are their Mother: careers and their activities, IMO, take a back seat to the only Mother we are given in this life. Do they live in a small house that you had to rent a hotel room when seeing them? Listen, I would go back to where your siblings and friends are. If your children want to see you, let them shell out the money to do so.

I have no kids, but used to be VERY close to my nieces and their children and spoiled them...a LOT. Now that I'm broke they want nothing to do with me. Yes, it's devastating - but sometimes you just have to bite that bullet and do what is best for your peace of mind.
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Old 09-02-2017, 05:19 PM
 
799 posts, read 515,925 times
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I think you should do what makes you happy. It's your retirement and your life. When we retired, we had one set of kids that were about an hour and a half away, and the other two kids 8 and 12 hours (by car). We moved a little more central to them all, and now it's 4, 8, and 10 (but the airport is close for all...LOL) When we go visit them overnight, we get a hotel room, more to give them, and us, a little bit of privacy and "normalcy" during our visits, so we don't see that as any sort of slight. I think they appreciate it, as it can get exhausting having company 24 hours a day.. Our new home has the master bedroom separate from the other bedrooms, so when they come visit, they stay here, but have the privacy of their own "wing" to retreat to, and that's worked out well.

Like you, we have siblings in our new location, and there are lots of retirees as well as things to do. It was very hard to leave "home", but so far it's been better for us, and I think we see the kids/grandkids just as much, if not more, than before. Life is precious and short, and only you can know what is right for you. I wish you well in your choice..
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Old 09-02-2017, 05:52 PM
 
Location: Central NY
4,676 posts, read 3,248,729 times
Reputation: 11982
Quote:
Originally Posted by [B
soulsurv[/b];49398620]Question: Were your adult children and grandchild enthusiastic and encouraging about your coming "home?" If they were and you don't see them much, they are not holding up their end of the bargain (the understanding that they want you there). You are their Mother: careers and their activities, IMO, take a back seat to the only Mother we are given in this life. Do they live in a small house that you had to rent a hotel room when seeing them? Listen, I would go back to where your siblings and friends are. If your children want to see you, let them shell out the money to do so.

I have no kids, but used to be VERY close to my nieces and their children and spoiled them...a LOT. Now that I'm broke they want nothing to do with me. Yes, it's devastating - but sometimes you just have to bite that bullet and do what is best for your peace of mind.

I think this is a very wise post. It's a shame, tho, that for me, it took so long to understand it.

I have thought a lot about moving but realize that I do have friends here that I don't want to leave. I've always been able to make new friends through the years (including my one-year residence in TX). But at this point in my life, I kind of like the familiarity I have with some, the knowledge I can pick up the phone and call for help if I need it. I can't do that with everyone, but one or two would be there.
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Old 09-02-2017, 08:34 PM
 
3,455 posts, read 2,331,302 times
Reputation: 7003
I think you answered your own question. You miss your active social life, and you don't see your kids very often, anyway. Why not move back to Florida, enjoy life, lose the Michigan winters, still see your kids when they fly to Florida, and be back near your own siblings. What's the downside, if you can afford the move?
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Old 09-03-2017, 04:20 AM
 
Location: Central Massachusetts
4,800 posts, read 4,850,322 times
Reputation: 6379
Quote:
Originally Posted by suesamover View Post
I lived in Michigan for many years before moving to Florida to work in 1999, and I moved back October 2016 to be near my two grown adult children, and my one adult grandchild in the Downriver area. During this entire year, I haven't seen or heard from them much, see them about every two to three months, and we talk about once or twice a month, but do text more often. I don't have a social life here, and it seems so much harder to make friends once you are older. I am 73. I am considering moving back to Florida where I had a very active social life, and in addition to close friends, I have two older brothers and a sister there that I socialize with quite alot. When I lived in Florida I would only see my children if they flew to Florida (I pay for them to come fly back and forth) or I fly back to see them. They don't have a bedroom for me when I do come back and I rent a motel room. That hurts my feelings, as I always made room for them when they came, and I always treated them the entire time they visited me. People here warned me that I may not see them, and things like this might happen. Are any of you in the same or similar situation? What do you advise me to do? I have a good retirement, and no debt. Why am I so torn about this? I need your advice, please.


suesamover you should move back to FL and be with your friends. Your children and adult grandchild are independent and have lives of their own. That is not to say that you will not miss them. You will miss them less though because you will have your friends and siblings to distract you. Distance isn't as much a problem any more with computer programs like Skype. That way you can see them as well as talk to them. It makes the distance seem shorter.
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Old 09-03-2017, 06:37 AM
 
Location: Ypsilanti, MI
2,447 posts, read 3,666,532 times
Reputation: 4820
Move back to Florida for the upcoming winter. In Spring you will have a great comparison tool to decide whether to return to Michigan permanently, or just to go back to collect the rest of your belongings for your new Florida address.

We know we will be faced with an identical dilemma in the future and already know our answer. We will live where we have our friends and support system - which happens to be in Michigan - rather than chase our sons to Boston where they will soon both be living, or follow them where ever their careers take them in the future.
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