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Old 09-11-2017, 07:22 AM
 
6,643 posts, read 2,393,155 times
Reputation: 15303

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Quote:
Originally Posted by thatdurncat13 View Post
Getting older. It beats the alternative. Doesn't bother me a bit. Bring the wrinkles and the aches and pains. I'm still enjoying life. I just have a few more Ibuprofen on hand.

That's kind of where my head is at. What's the alternative? Besides, there are plusses to getting older, which I welcome.


I think if you DON'T want to feel like an old lady, (or man),than work on staying relevant. Read. Embrace learning. Watch your language. Don't be talking about your poop habits, don't be telling everyone about all your aches and pains, don't be telling everyone all the medications you're on, etc.


Make friends from all different ages. It's a big beautiful world and the people in it can make your life more beautiful just by knowing them.


Except the fact that you don't know everything. Be GLAD you don't know everything. Learning keeps the brain young.
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Old 09-11-2017, 07:29 AM
 
Location: Winterpeg
882 posts, read 337,593 times
Reputation: 3706
Quote:
Originally Posted by coschristi View Post
I assumed I was likable as a person. I thought catcalls & whistles were true compliments & I would smile & say "Thank You!" I didn't understand what people meant when they said "I'm surprised at how nice you are!" I was truly flattered by every nice thing that someone said or did; I didn't understand what people meant when they would snort & say "I'll bet!" when I'd tell them about how well I was treated.

I didn't understand when I heard "He just wants to ..." because I really thought people liked me ... for me. I was never afraid to go anywhere at any time dressed in whatever way. "What am I asking for?" "Why would anyone want to hurt me when everybody is always so nice to me?"

I was blissfully oblivious, for the first 36 years of my life, until I agreed to a medical, surgical procedure that confused my whole body. I was first aware that something was "off" within 4 months; I was gaining weight & my face was subtly changing. My hair started falling out & the texture changed. My moods became volatile, I developed anxiety & was quick to anger.

I couldn't sing anymore without my voice cracking.

Within that year; I started becoming ... invisible..
Thank you for sharing your story. I have a sister-in-law who is very much like you before you got ill. A few years ago we had a long discussion about it. She honestly thought that other people only get treated badly or as invisible because they just aren't pleasant, and less attractive people have just "given up". She discounted her looks and thought she just deserved being treated well because she's a good person.

The afternoon we had that discussion she just so happened to accompany me on an errand I had to run for my mother. We were dressed similarly, for the record. We went to the medical supply shop - where one would assume they are used to dealing with all ages and appearances - and I had to ask at the counter for something. The young man would not look at me. I asked questions, he responded to my sister-in-law. He got the walker part I needed, and handed it to my sister-in-law. It was like I was literally not there. I let it go, paid, and as we left the store, my sister-in-law said "huh, that was weird". I don't think she ever got it - no, it's not weird. It's how it is for us non-pretty people. And has been my whole life.

That's one of the reason growing older doesn't bother me in the slightest, at least now I know it's because I'm an old lady that I get treated as I do, not because of anything I have control over.
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Old 09-11-2017, 08:13 AM
 
6,643 posts, read 2,393,155 times
Reputation: 15303
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sharpydove View Post
Well, aren't you lucky! This is exactly what I was writing about. Women are so mean to each other. No supporting; just judging.
Just realize your experience is not the normal and for some of us it is a different journey, including suffering with health issues.

I don't think she meant it as being mean or judging. As you said, the journey is different for everyone. My menopause was mostly, not a big deal. The hot flashes were exhausting, but that was about the extent of my issues. But when I was in my early 50's, I developed a rather extensive pelvic infection with lesions, and had to have a complete hysterectomy. This was instant, final, complete post menopause.


Again...for me, it wasn't that big a deal. Yes, it's aged me some. Yes, it's thinned my hair. But other than that, things have been fine.


But it IS different for everyone, and I'm sorry that it took a big toll on you Sharpy.


[mod cut]

Last edited by volosong; 09-11-2017 at 09:02 PM.. Reason: TMI, not PG-13 rated
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Old 09-11-2017, 09:20 AM
 
Location: NJ
972 posts, read 2,422,896 times
Reputation: 1840
It's hard on women because unfortunately so much of a woman's value is equated with her physical attractiveness. The best you can do is try to undo this brainwashing and realize that you are so much more than what you look like, and that we have all been handed a bill of goods in that department.
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Old 09-11-2017, 11:22 AM
 
Location: Midvale, Idaho
1,542 posts, read 2,386,309 times
Reputation: 1961
Quote:
Originally Posted by shades_of_idaho View Post
TRUTH There Sharpydove. 16 years of a hell I hope never to repeat. I am not a whiner and complainer but this was awful no sleep panic attacks can not breath not to mention the dripping hot flashes, emotions all over the board. And then one day I woke up and it was just over. I honestly felt so sorry for my husband. he was so understanding when I needed to change the sheets at night. Until I learned how to double sheet my side of the bed. Then I just had to pull the wet ones. And yes I used the same for when he was so sick with cancer and soaking the bed with sweats.
I have a menopause funny to tell on myself.
4 AM I am having the hot flash, can not breathe,terror attack from hell and stepped out the front door in my shortie night gown to get air. No worry any one would come by at that time and then I hear the rumble of a semi just down the road no time to duck inside. We lived on a Y intersection so the headlights were pointing right at me no escaping so I thought in my muddled brain if I stand real still he might not see me. PHEW no horn honk. Thought I was spared. I live in small town then and now so I knew who it was driving the truck and he was a logger off to get the first of his days loads. Nothing ever was said until years later hubby and I were up at his shop visiting and he finally asked me WHY I was standing outside the door at 4 AM in nightie. Was a good laugh then but I sure was embarrassed to get caught.
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Old 09-11-2017, 02:46 PM
 
3,373 posts, read 3,788,380 times
Reputation: 4189
I'm 58, and still teeter between being hard on myself for not being able to lose this 6-8 pounds I've gained this past year, and telling myself "Well, you ARE 58!" Maybe I'll get over myself soon.......
And, for what it's worth, I too found Matisse's comments dismissive and judgmental. I had early onset menopause due to a hysterectomy that was anything but unnecessary. I mean, once it starts to drop out of your bottom, it pretty much has to go. Sorry to be graphic, but I bristle at Matisse saying hysterectomies are not a solution to symptoms.
The first time I had a hot flash I thought I was getting sick and went and took my temperature!! I didn't know what was going on! Didn't figure it out for quite a while. I didn't have them as bad as some of you have described, but they were pretty bad. And lasted for YEARS! I now am down to just a few now and then, after EIGHT YEARS!
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Old 09-11-2017, 03:42 PM
 
5,429 posts, read 3,456,960 times
Reputation: 13714
mrs.cool, hysterectomies are warranted for some, and not warranted for others. For too many who have hysterectomies, it is not warranted. That, of course, does not mean that some are not needed.

An Overview of Hysterectomies: Complications, Types, and Alternatives https://www.drugwatch.com/transvagin.../hysterectomy/

20% of women who got a hysterectomy did not need one. Jan 2015 (citation to the study is included in article) https://www.prevention.com/health/he...ary-procedures

Having a Hysterectomy? Why You Might Not Need One
Alternatives to this common procedure are underutilized, research finds.

Having a Hysterectomy? Why You Might Not Need One | For Better | US News

To Remove or Not to Remove:
Should I Keep My Uterus?
Dr. Rardi van Heest and Chia Chia Sun, 8th May, 2017
https://damiva.com/menopause-blog/hy...d-keep-uterus/

Pelvic Organ Prolapse & Ending the Epidemic of Unnecessary Hysterectomies
https://www.nwhn.org/pelvic-organ-pr...ysterectomies/

Are Too Many Hysterectomies Being Performed?
Are Too Many Hysterectomies Being Performed? | OBGYN.Net

Unnecessary Hysterectomy due to Menorrhagia and Disorders of Hemostasis: An Example of Overuse and Excessive Demand for Medical Services
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5179537/

Last edited by matisse12; 09-11-2017 at 04:22 PM..
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Old 09-11-2017, 04:14 PM
 
Location: Midvale, Idaho
1,542 posts, read 2,386,309 times
Reputation: 1961
Quote:
Originally Posted by matisse12 View Post
If no one told a person that 'hot flashes' can be part of menopause or if no one told a person that even such a thing existed, one would just think of oneself as maybe feeling too warm/hot at times or sweating easily at times.

If so-called 'hot flashes' were never told to the population and weren't trumped up beyond belief, unbelievably over-dramatized, exaggerated as a cliche, and erroneously over-emphasized, they wouldn't even be mentioned. A good number of people sweat quite a bit - both men and women -.... having nothing to do with menopause.
I do not believe this for one second. When I was still having them I could go from a calm just laying down in bed one minutes to totally soaking the sheets through to the mattress in less than 5. This is not just considered a mild sweat. Your comment just brought to mind one night when hubby was having one of his cancer sweats and we were both up drying him off and I was changing the sheets for him. He said NOW I understand what was happening to you when you were having the menopause. AND then all the mood swings that are so baffling even to the person having them. Thinking where the hell did all that emotion come from? It can be very frustrating for some.

If some one has not had it as bad as some here have commented they you have no idea. Maybe best not to speak for others. OK carry on I am done ranting.
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Old 09-11-2017, 04:18 PM
 
Location: Midvale, Idaho
1,542 posts, read 2,386,309 times
Reputation: 1961
Quote:
Originally Posted by matisse12 View Post
mrs.cool, hysterectomies are warranted for some, and not warranted for others. For too many who have hysterectomies, it is not warranted. That, of course, does not mean that some are not needed.

An Overview of Hysterectomies: Complications, Types, and Alternatives https://www.drugwatch.com/transvagin.../hysterectomy/

20% of women who got a hysterectomy did not need one. Jan 2015 (citation to the study is included in article) https://www.prevention.com/health/he...ary-procedures

Having a Hysterectomy? Why You Might Not Need One
Alternatives to this common procedure are underutilized, research finds.

Having a Hysterectomy? Why You Might Not Need One | For Better | US News

To Remove or Not to Remove:
Should I Keep My Uterus?
Dr. Rardi van Heest and Chia Chia Sun, 8th May, 2017
https://damiva.com/menopause-blog/hy...d-keep-uterus/

Pelvic Organ Prolapse & Ending the Epidemic of Unnecessary Hysterectomies
https://www.nwhn.org/pelvic-organ-pr...ysterectomies/

Are Too Many Hysterectomies Being Performed?
Are Too Many Hysterectomies Being Performed? | OBGYN.Net

Unnecessary Hysterectomy due to Menorrhagia and Disorders of Hemostasis: An Example of Overuse and Excessive Demand for Medical Services
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5179537/
I had to have a hysterectomy right after I turned 26. No children but I probably could not have held onto a fetus anyway. After 11 years of surgeries to try to correct the problems they were just making them worse. I was bleeding to death. I think mine was warranted.
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Old 09-11-2017, 05:16 PM
 
576 posts, read 639,716 times
Reputation: 1738
I can't question other women's choices, nor can I evaluate the validity of their suffering. I can only say that menopause was an absolute nightmare for me. And I sympathize with everyone out there who survived it one way or another.

Like many women, I went through the worst of it during my prime working years. I dealt with horrendous, excessive bleeding every month, brain fog, sleeplessness and hot flashes that were NOT just sweating - I felt, literally, on fire. I resisted any form of hormone intervention but did use some herbs that I got from my naturopath. They helped a little. My step sister simply couldn't cope and took HRT. She ended up getting a very severe form of breast cancer and learned, only later, that this may have been the cause.

Some women get lucky and menopause is a non-event. For the rest of us it's a difficult stage of life that, thankfully, doesn't last forever.
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