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Old 09-16-2017, 10:49 PM
197 posts, read 106,071 times
Reputation: 789


Sense of Humor Over looks
A good listener Over conversation
Companionship over finances
Sharing over obtaining and achieving
Holding hands over Activities, vacations travel
Kindness over well dressed
Somebody who smiles over strength
Unmade bed over waking up alone
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Old 09-16-2017, 11:25 PM
9 posts, read 2,607 times
Reputation: 13
I like a good sense of humor, good looks, friendliness rather than arrogance.

Being affectionate, having friends who let us be our selves instead of trying to influence us.

Life is too short for unnecessary and stupid drama or ego building/destruction.

If someone lets others manipulate their desires/feelings/lifestyles and choices, they need to take a long walk off a short pier.
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Old 09-16-2017, 11:43 PM
4,457 posts, read 2,637,443 times
Reputation: 10428
Above all else, i jabe come to value TRUTH AND HONESTY.

I was never a good liar, and can't stand being lied to.

By anyone. For any reason. Ever.

I may be angry about the truth, but I'll be far more angry over a lie to cover up the truth.

I'm trying to drill THAT into my OH. My OH has lied so much about a variety of things, that I no longer trust anything My OH says, until it's verified.

That to me is the biggest loss in our relationship. That is the value of trust.

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Old 09-17-2017, 12:11 AM
Location: Sierra County
271 posts, read 117,599 times
Reputation: 371
Originally Posted by Serious Conversation View Post
A variation of a familiar question.

When we're young, we may value physical beauty. We may look at a partner and just want hottest person we can get as a partner! We may be seeking material wealth, and only want to associate ourselves with a similar point of view.

What values do you seek in a partner as a senior? What did you previously want, but no longer place high importance on? What did you formerly want, but no longer care about?

As an obese man, this interests me.

And that they are truly saved

But both of the above go hand in hand
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Old 09-17-2017, 01:41 AM
Location: A Yankee in northeast TN
10,589 posts, read 14,384,024 times
Reputation: 23596
I don't think people's wants in a partner really change that much over a lifetime.
If they place a high value on physical attractiveness they might alter their ideas as to what attractive means to them, wrinkles or a few extra pounds are maybe not a deal killer, but they aren't going to suddenly decide that looks don't really matter at all. If you have always been into status and material comforts I think it highly unlikely those wants diminish very much as you get older, you probably aren't going to decide the guy who can't afford to keep up with you is your perfect soulmate.
Lastly relationships take a lot of work. I think by the time a lot of people get older they realize maybe it's more than they want to deal with, that they are just as happy on their own with perhaps a FWB situation rather than a romantic partnership.
I prefer to be on my own. IF I were to meet someone single who was well groomed, financially ok, honest, sincere, intelligent and had compatible interest I wouldn't mind dating/companionship, but that's not very different from what I wanted when I was younger.
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Old 09-17-2017, 05:10 AM
Location: Planet Woof
3,139 posts, read 3,521,194 times
Reputation: 9889
Interesting that all these responses assume the OP refers to a partner or mate.
Saying that, I value honesty, a sense of humor, compassion, humility, flexibility, responsibility, kindness, intellectual curiosity, modesty, open-mindedness, loyalty, and a sense of adventure in a person in general, or in a partner.
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Old 09-17-2017, 07:36 AM
6,898 posts, read 3,751,541 times
Reputation: 18223
Like many on here, honesty and integrity are at the top. That's regardless of we're talking partner, boss, coworker, friend, whatever. I have never liked those I couldn't trust and that feeling has gotten stronger as I've gotten holder.

Intelligence and the ability to talk intelligently about many topics. This doesn't mean only college educated people, but those who can think for themselves and reach their own conclusions, not what is being pushed by others. There are more topics in the world than SEC football.
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Old 09-17-2017, 07:56 AM
Location: Wisconsin
2,751 posts, read 1,717,578 times
Reputation: 8619
I'm currently taken but I would look for someone who was kind and honest had a decent sense of humor, liked to travel and could still drive, didn't hang out in bars, and was frugal but not cheap.
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Old 09-17-2017, 08:00 AM
Location: Kirkland, WA (Metro Seattle)
4,045 posts, read 3,283,097 times
Reputation: 7283
Not sure what OP being fat has to do with anything. I go through periods of being fat and thin across the decades, although I suppose thin to me is more like normal weight for everybody else. Not complaining, but neither do I really care what anybody else thinks about that.

However, to the point of the question, there are three traits I value in both men and women. If I see strong evidence of all three to some degree, we're well on the way to being at least acquaintances and probably eventually friends. Since I seldom to almost never see all three I have very few Friends Indeed. I can't see changing my views about this until the day they put me in the ground.

Number one: integrity

Number two: wisdom

Number three: courage

Any two simply does not cut the mustard, I've known plenty of brave people with a strong Honor Code far too stupid to understand that their cause is futile, their methods too unwise and will result in annihilation.

The Nazis were wise enough to understand the cutting off Stalin's oil would strangle his war effort, and how they wage the war was certainly with courage, however equally obviously at the Nuremberg trials it was established they fought without any particular Integrity... in fact quite the opposite.

I really don't need to go on any further, I think they're pretty self-evident when you think about the people you've known across the arc of your lifetime. I expect no one to have perfect command of all three but I do require at least an inkling of each to gain my respect.
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Old 09-17-2017, 08:25 AM
Location: Western Colorado
11,117 posts, read 12,517,973 times
Reputation: 26264
Physical beauty? Pretty girls are a dime a dozen. I've always valued honesty, and still do. Sadly have not found anyone who isn't a back stabbing lying cheat, and at 66, I've stopped looking.
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