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Old 09-18-2017, 11:28 AM
 
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Integrity. Not mere honesty, although that is a good trait also.
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Old 09-18-2017, 11:28 AM
 
Location: Massachusetts
6,106 posts, read 7,278,063 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NoMoreSnowForMe View Post
I wanted to add one more thing that retired women also consider regarding a possible new mate. And that's ending up being his caregiver. This is something that would not be limited to straight couples. But, I've heard this brought up many times in girl talk over coffee with other retired women regarding being lonely and thinking about getting married again, etc. They often were the caregiver of a spouse that died, and don't want to go through it again.
Definitely higher priority for me as I age that I be with someone health and fitness conscious. Just work the best they can with what they've got.
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Old 09-18-2017, 01:59 PM
 
Location: Central IL
15,253 posts, read 8,560,668 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ultrarunner View Post
Happened to one of Mom's friends... a soon to be retired Nurse... she met a widower and fell in love... they had 2 wonderful years of traveling, entertaining and really enjoying life... he became ill and it was 7 years of a downward spiral that sapped all of her energy and she really aged...

Can't underestimate the caregiver role but I have seen it both ways... devoted husbands doing everything for their terminally ill spouses...
I had a friend who said don't let a(n) (older) man know you own your own home - they might be looking for a "nurse with a purse"!
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Old 09-18-2017, 02:48 PM
 
13,975 posts, read 7,446,942 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Serious Conversation View Post
A variation of a familiar question.

When we're young, we may value physical beauty. We may look at a partner and just want hottest person we can get as a partner! We may be seeking material wealth, and only want to associate ourselves with a similar point of view.
Who says young people are only looking for the hottest person they can get? That wears off after a few dates.

When I reflect back on the long term relationships I've had in my life, everybody was pretty bright and engaged. I'm pretty switched on and I'd struggle having any kind of meaningful relationship with a bubble-headed Barbie. "Hot" is nice-to-have. Someone I can respect as my equal is the critical part. It's also important to have basic compatibility. Same values. Similar socioeconomic status. Some overlap in the leisure activities you like to do. That person is supposed to be your best friend, not a sex toy.
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Old 09-18-2017, 04:36 PM
 
Location: Kirkland, WA (Metro Seattle)
4,022 posts, read 3,269,161 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by matisse12 View Post
Quite a few mentions of 'honesty'. What does that mean to you when putting it at the very top or near top of the list? Does it mean no lying, no cheating in the relationship, along with no unethical behavior in business and life?

I think not lying is very important and crucial for maintaining trust in what one's partner is saying. But somehow I wouldn't think to put it so near the top.

I do realize that lying can and does erode a good relationship.

(no need to answer - just mentioning this as a thought)
"Not lying," LOL. Yes, many say that.

Rule no. 3 in life: "Men lie, women fake it." As in: all...the...time. Constantly. Just a truism that is, in my observation, pretty much...true.

Providing pat answers to keep morale in-order is an absolute requirement of management, when "the truth" isn't anything the troops really want to know about (or they don't need to know). I have friends...only two I can think of...who insist that "not lying" is everything in business as-well. Both have been fired repeatedly for sticking to such an unvarnished, raw position. So, hey: that's great. Don't lie, ever. And be prepared to be removed from jobs, have partners walk out, and so much more (not)fun stuff. You'll be viewed as harsh and, dare I say, just not too clever.

You can "not lie" and still not spew out "the truth" whenever you damn well please, people.

In fact, excessive honesty is about the dumbest thing I've ever heard of, flying in the face of 2/3 my personal troika of what I value in others and strive for myself (integrity, wisdom). Part of "wisdom" means "ability to learn" and not always vomit out the truth whenever you damn well feel like it. Wars start over dumb moves like that. Politics and politicians are all about protocols in inter and intra-governmental communications that mask the true in placating language, requiring one to interpret, via that big brain evolution gave us, what others mean vs. what they say on a local or national level.

And, part of "integrity" means the ability to face the truth, but again: not bark it out when it would result in devastated lives or interpersonal relationships. Integrity and my third pillar....courage...mean the ability to very carefully and cautiously face the truth about aspects of our lives we may find uncomfortable. We may be killed for speaking these things. But we must slowly, cautiously, and courageously face them. The entire Civil Rights battle was on facing "the truth" but in ways that could lead others to implacable conclusions about the immorality of certain actions and beliefs, and overcome a hundred years of distortions and lies.
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Old 09-18-2017, 06:07 PM
 
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Take care of yourself, be healthy. It's hard for me to want to be around someone who doesn't care about themselves. It seems self-destructive.
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Old 09-18-2017, 06:41 PM
Status: "could've~would've~should've used 'have', not 'of'" (set 26 days ago)
 
Location: A Yankee in northeast TN
10,511 posts, read 14,350,116 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Blondebaerde View Post
"Not lying," LOL. Yes, many say that.

Rule no. 3 in life: "Men lie, women fake it." As in: all...the...time. Constantly. Just a truism that is, in my observation, pretty much...true.

Providing pat answers to keep morale in-order is an absolute requirement of management, when "the truth" isn't anything the troops really want to know about (or they don't need to know). I have friends...only two I can think of...who insist that "not lying" is everything in business as-well. Both have been fired repeatedly for sticking to such an unvarnished, raw position. So, hey: that's great. Don't lie, ever. And be prepared to be removed from jobs, have partners walk out, and so much more (not)fun stuff. You'll be viewed as harsh and, dare I say, just not too clever.

You can "not lie" and still not spew out "the truth" whenever you damn well please, people.

In fact, excessive honesty is about the dumbest thing I've ever heard of, flying in the face of 2/3 my personal troika of what I value in others and strive for myself (integrity, wisdom). Part of "wisdom" means "ability to learn" and not always vomit out the truth whenever you damn well feel like it. Wars start over dumb moves like that. Politics and politicians are all about protocols in inter and intra-governmental communications that mask the true in placating language, requiring one to interpret, via that big brain evolution gave us, what others mean vs. what they say on a local or national level.

And, part of "integrity" means the ability to face the truth, but again: not bark it out when it would result in devastated lives or interpersonal relationships. Integrity and my third pillar....courage...mean the ability to very carefully and cautiously face the truth about aspects of our lives we may find uncomfortable. We may be killed for speaking these things. But we must slowly, cautiously, and courageously face them. The entire Civil Rights battle was on facing "the truth" but in ways that could lead others to implacable conclusions about the immorality of certain actions and beliefs, and overcome a hundred years of distortions and lies.
Pah, taking it a bit far. Substitute some other word word that means not deceitful for honest. We aren't saying we want some chowderhead that says every hurtful truth that enters their mind, just that we don't want to deal with someone who lies and cheats in order to gain something for themselves or to harm others.
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Old 09-18-2017, 07:33 PM
 
13,093 posts, read 13,702,351 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Serious Conversation View Post
A variation of a familiar question.

When we're young, we may value physical beauty. We may look at a partner and just want hottest person we can get as a partner! We may be seeking material wealth, and only want to associate ourselves with a similar point of view.

What values do you seek in a partner as a senior? What did you previously want, but no longer place high importance on? What did you formerly want, but no longer care about?

As an obese man, this interests me.
What did you previously want, but no longer place high importance on? What did you formerly want, but no longer care about?

previously i wanted someone who wanted to raise a family and i felt would make a good dad.
now at age 59 I have raised my children, and that is no longer important to me, i don't care about it

previously i wanted someone who was "smart" because i was raised in a family of let's face it intellectual snobs. i really thought being "smart" made someone a better person. Now I know that is not the case. Blue collar I now actually prefer, because they are handier around the house and I like this.

previously i looked at a man's financial future and that he had a stable responsible job and work ethic, again because of wanting to raise a family, buy a home, have a yard with a swing set for the kids, and be able to send the kids to college financially. those are no longer important to me, because the kids are raised and on their own.

i've never been one on physical appearance, because if I find someone appealing, they literally become very handsome and attractive in my eyes. That is not just a figure of speech, it is absolutely true for me.


What values do you seek in a partner as a senior?

Someone who has integrity and is honest. (One of the reasons we divorced was because of honesty. For instance he saw nothing wrong with cheating on taxes, and I did. )
Someone who is my religion. I became religious in my late 40s and if I marry again it needs to be someone in my religion.
Someone who is patient and kind. Can handle anger and conflict in a calm manner. Has done some work on himself so he can communicate in a way that is respectful, direct, and clear.

His eyes and smile light up my heart.
It matters more to me what is in his heart and what his character is like, than what is on his resume.
Does not boast, is humble, and treats others with respect.
Being obese is fine with me, as long as the person takes care of his health and lives a healthy lifestyle, that is no smoking, no drugs, no alcohol. Also no guns in the home.

Someone who is not overly concerned with material possessions, such as fancy cars, boats, flashy home. I prefer a very simple lifestyle, a small condo or small home is fine, two people don't need a big place, it is just more work to take care of. Someone who does not try to impress others.
Someone who understands that people are more important than things.

Last edited by Tzaphkiel; 09-18-2017 at 07:47 PM..
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Old 09-18-2017, 07:45 PM
 
13,093 posts, read 13,702,351 times
Reputation: 9158
Quote:
Originally Posted by FeelinLow View Post
I have been with my beloved for 27 years and if I am the one to survive, I plan to be alone until we meet again on the other side. For some, there is only one soulmate, one love.

would he/she want you to stay "alone" though?
and if you pass away first, would you want him/her to stay "alone"?
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Old 09-18-2017, 11:32 PM
 
Location: Silicon Valley
18,134 posts, read 23,028,696 times
Reputation: 35368
Quote:
Originally Posted by Blondebaerde View Post
"Not lying," LOL. Yes, many say that.

Rule no. 3 in life: "Men lie, women fake it." As in: all...the...time. Constantly. Just a truism that is, in my observation, pretty much...true.

Providing pat answers to keep morale in-order is an absolute requirement of management, when "the truth" isn't anything the troops really want to know about (or they don't need to know). I have friends...only two I can think of...who insist that "not lying" is everything in business as-well. Both have been fired repeatedly for sticking to such an unvarnished, raw position. So, hey: that's great. Don't lie, ever. And be prepared to be removed from jobs, have partners walk out, and so much more (not)fun stuff. You'll be viewed as harsh and, dare I say, just not too clever.

You can "not lie" and still not spew out "the truth" whenever you damn well please, people.

In fact, excessive honesty is about the dumbest thing I've ever heard of, flying in the face of 2/3 my personal troika of what I value in others and strive for myself (integrity, wisdom). Part of "wisdom" means "ability to learn" and not always vomit out the truth whenever you damn well feel like it. Wars start over dumb moves like that. Politics and politicians are all about protocols in inter and intra-governmental communications that mask the true in placating language, requiring one to interpret, via that big brain evolution gave us, what others mean vs. what they say on a local or national level.

And, part of "integrity" means the ability to face the truth, but again: not bark it out when it would result in devastated lives or interpersonal relationships. Integrity and my third pillar....courage...mean the ability to very carefully and cautiously face the truth about aspects of our lives we may find uncomfortable. We may be killed for speaking these things. But we must slowly, cautiously, and courageously face them. The entire Civil Rights battle was on facing "the truth" but in ways that could lead others to implacable conclusions about the immorality of certain actions and beliefs, and overcome a hundred years of distortions and lies.
So, you're justifying lying in a romantic relationship with the above bizarre stories? Not buying it.
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