U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Retirement
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 10-05-2017, 08:14 PM
 
Location: New Mexico
6,568 posts, read 3,664,491 times
Reputation: 12357

Advertisements

I'm a widower and was on 'match' for a while but was out of there as quickly as I could flee. I had a few contacts that were close to what I was looking for and made a friend that I still keep contact with. I'm not interested in finding a new wife or being a live-in handyman or cleaning out my sweety's horse stables. Being an instant stepparent or grandpa was not something I wanted. There were apparently not many healthy 65 year old single men on that system based on the responses. It taught me to be content with my independence and casual friendships. Others might have had better experiences.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 10-05-2017, 11:20 PM
 
8,224 posts, read 10,786,939 times
Reputation: 7621
What is wrong with a 73 year old woman dating a 90 year old man?

It is not a huge age difference.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-06-2017, 03:20 AM
 
Location: Florida
19,800 posts, read 19,900,285 times
Reputation: 23212
Our time.com and seniorpeoplemeet.com are, IMO, deader then the men that are actually active on those sites, which were few.(Both owned by the same company)
The big problem is that women have to be ready to take a very quick course in learning how to deal with all the crap encountered and the scammers....especially since 'older' women are seen as easy marks.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-06-2017, 05:01 AM
 
Location: NJ
972 posts, read 2,421,413 times
Reputation: 1840
Hi All

Thanks for sharing your experiences, and for all of the thoughts and tips and please keep them coming.

Mom and I have had a lot of discussions about the dangers of on-line dating and we talked about all of the things mentioned in your posts. She watches Dr. Phil a lot, so she knows about the cat-fishers. I told her if she meets someone on line and wants to meet them in person, it should be in a public place, in the day time and she should call me to alert me where she is going so I can be by the phone in case she needs me and hubby to get her. We also talked about not giving out her last name, phone number, address or any financial information until she really knows someone, and not giving hints to her financial situation. If he asks for money, run. I also told her to assume that everything in his profile (including photos) is a lie, until she gets to know him. It's sad that you have to be suspicious like this, but let's face it. There are some bad people out there.

I won't be hindering her efforts or getting into her business too much. We talk once a week and she updates me on whats going on and she asks for my feedback and I give it to her.

I agree it would be good for her to also get involved in other things, like volunteer work, adult school or meetups and we've talked about that too. The problem is, she's got a busy calendar already and is really into square dancing (3 times a week) so she doesn't want so spread herself too thin with too many additional commitments.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-06-2017, 12:05 PM
 
4,323 posts, read 882,417 times
Reputation: 2401
Two of the largest sites are free... OKCupid and Plentyoffish or POF.

Both have their advantages. POF has a more granular search feature, on the other hand, OKCupid has a great Q&A which acts as a great screening device on issues that may be important to you. I met my fiance on one of these, and my son met his wife of 7 years on the other.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-06-2017, 10:25 PM
 
Location: Las Vegas
13,888 posts, read 25,323,560 times
Reputation: 26385
I found my SO on POF. There are good people there, scammers, and players. Just like old fashioned dating you have to be prepared to kiss a few frogs. Life is hard out there economically and there are a lot of people looking for wealthy widows/widowers to take care of them. My only hard and fast rule was the people I chose to date had to be supporting themselves. I didn't think that was asking too much.

It's true there are more older single women than men. It may take some time to find the right man. In the meanwhile, just have fun, date and do things. Check out meetup groups too. There are quite a few groups for older singles. Sometimes they go on a hike or meet at a club to listen to live music. Could be almost any activity. There may be people she is interested in and maybe not. But she gets to go out and meet people. And all those new friends have friends!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-08-2017, 06:32 AM
 
Location: NJ
972 posts, read 2,421,413 times
Reputation: 1840
Thanks for the additional tips. I will tell my mom about Ok Cupid and PlentyofFish. That's awesome they are free but she will have to be extra cautious on those sites. Free always attracts more people and I am sure more people looking for a sugar mama.

As for dating 90 year olds...there's nothing wrong with it. In fact, she is going to meet one of the 90 year olds she's been corresponding with. However, she prefers someone closer to her age and I have been encouraging her to consider someone younger, since she is so youthful herself and dances for hours per week. Also, let's face it....if she gets attached to a 90 year old, statistically speaking, she may not have much time to enjoy with that person. Of course, anyone can pass away at any time, even young people, but the odds are higher that a 90 year old will pass sooner rather than later.

She's remaining open minded about age, though. Her main objective is to find someone who likes to go dancing and travel and do other fun things. My dad was a homebody who didn't like to do anything, so whenever my mom wanted to do fun things, she had to find other people to do them with, or go solo. So this time around, she really wants an energetic, outgoing, social butterfly.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-08-2017, 08:52 AM
 
Location: Columbia SC
8,965 posts, read 7,741,639 times
Reputation: 12169
75 year old widower here. I tried Our Time. It just did not work for me. Seems the woman I would say hello to rarely replied. I think that issue was as a young, active 75 I am more interested in younger woman like in their 50's, early 60's. Maybe they thought I was to old for them. I was disappointed in the woman that replied to me. Based on their pictures alone I could see why many were alone. So bottom line is I did not appeal to woman I was interested in nor did the woman interested in me, appeal to me.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-08-2017, 09:01 AM
 
480 posts, read 399,785 times
Reputation: 2077
Ya think?

Quote:
Originally Posted by johngolf View Post
I think that issue was as a young, active 75 I am more interested in younger woman like in their 50's, early 60's. Maybe they thought I was to old for them. .
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-08-2017, 10:15 AM
 
2,633 posts, read 3,375,197 times
Reputation: 6970
Quote:
Originally Posted by johngolf View Post
75 year old widower here. I tried Our Time. It just did not work for me. Seems the woman I would say hello to rarely replied. I think that issue was as a young, active 75 I am more interested in younger woman like in their 50's, early 60's. Maybe they thought I was to old for them. I was disappointed in the woman that replied to me. Based on their pictures alone I could see why many were alone. So bottom line is I did not appeal to woman I was interested in nor did the woman interested in me, appeal to me.
I think this is a common issue for women. Men often try to date women much younger than them, and filter their matches accordingly. I am regularly hit on by men old enough to be my father. My father is in his mid-70s. No, that is not appealing, and it saddens me a little that men do is when there are many women their own age that are appropriate and available, and will STILL likely outlive them.

The pool of men becomes very small for women with aging.

I agree with the OPs concerns. His mother is looking for an active, healthy man who enjoys social outings and evenings square dancing multiple times a week. Few 90 year olds can do that, and there is a high risk she will become a home bound caregiver instead looking in that age group.

She should continue to keep doing activities she enjoys and look for possible matches there, let her friends know she is looking, and sometimes the pay dating sites online can help filter out a few folks that are less committed. Also look for local men's clubs (eg Lion's) and veterans association sponsored gatherings, book clubs, and volunteering for organizations you believe in. Try to say hello to one or two strangers a day. You never know..
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Retirement
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top