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I'm a widower and was on 'match' for a while but was out of there as quickly as I could flee. I had a few contacts that were close to what I was looking for and made a friend that I still keep contact with. I'm not interested in finding a new wife or being a live-in handyman or cleaning out my sweety's horse stables. Being an instant stepparent or grandpa was not something I wanted. There were apparently not many healthy 65 year old single men on that system based on the responses. It taught me to be content with my independence and casual friendships. Others might have had better experiences.
Our time.com and seniorpeoplemeet.com are, IMO, deader then the men that are actually active on those sites, which were few.(Both owned by the same company)
The big problem is that women have to be ready to take a very quick course in learning how to deal with all the crap encountered and the scammers....especially since 'older' women are seen as easy marks.
Thanks for sharing your experiences, and for all of the thoughts and tips and please keep them coming.
Mom and I have had a lot of discussions about the dangers of on-line dating and we talked about all of the things mentioned in your posts. She watches Dr. Phil a lot, so she knows about the cat-fishers. I told her if she meets someone on line and wants to meet them in person, it should be in a public place, in the day time and she should call me to alert me where she is going so I can be by the phone in case she needs me and hubby to get her. We also talked about not giving out her last name, phone number, address or any financial information until she really knows someone, and not giving hints to her financial situation. If he asks for money, run. I also told her to assume that everything in his profile (including photos) is a lie, until she gets to know him. It's sad that you have to be suspicious like this, but let's face it. There are some bad people out there.
I won't be hindering her efforts or getting into her business too much. We talk once a week and she updates me on whats going on and she asks for my feedback and I give it to her.
I agree it would be good for her to also get involved in other things, like volunteer work, adult school or meetups and we've talked about that too. The problem is, she's got a busy calendar already and is really into square dancing (3 times a week) so she doesn't want so spread herself too thin with too many additional commitments.
Two of the largest sites are free... OKCupid and Plentyoffish or POF.
Both have their advantages. POF has a more granular search feature, on the other hand, OKCupid has a great Q&A which acts as a great screening device on issues that may be important to you. I met my fiance on one of these, and my son met his wife of 7 years on the other.
I found my SO on POF. There are good people there, scammers, and players. Just like old fashioned dating you have to be prepared to kiss a few frogs. Life is hard out there economically and there are a lot of people looking for wealthy widows/widowers to take care of them. My only hard and fast rule was the people I chose to date had to be supporting themselves. I didn't think that was asking too much.
It's true there are more older single women than men. It may take some time to find the right man. In the meanwhile, just have fun, date and do things. Check out meetup groups too. There are quite a few groups for older singles. Sometimes they go on a hike or meet at a club to listen to live music. Could be almost any activity. There may be people she is interested in and maybe not. But she gets to go out and meet people. And all those new friends have friends!
Thanks for the additional tips. I will tell my mom about Ok Cupid and PlentyofFish. That's awesome they are free but she will have to be extra cautious on those sites. Free always attracts more people and I am sure more people looking for a sugar mama.
As for dating 90 year olds...there's nothing wrong with it. In fact, she is going to meet one of the 90 year olds she's been corresponding with. However, she prefers someone closer to her age and I have been encouraging her to consider someone younger, since she is so youthful herself and dances for hours per week. Also, let's face it....if she gets attached to a 90 year old, statistically speaking, she may not have much time to enjoy with that person. Of course, anyone can pass away at any time, even young people, but the odds are higher that a 90 year old will pass sooner rather than later.
She's remaining open minded about age, though. Her main objective is to find someone who likes to go dancing and travel and do other fun things. My dad was a homebody who didn't like to do anything, so whenever my mom wanted to do fun things, she had to find other people to do them with, or go solo. So this time around, she really wants an energetic, outgoing, social butterfly.
75 year old widower here. I tried Our Time. It just did not work for me. Seems the woman I would say hello to rarely replied. I think that issue was as a young, active 75 I am more interested in younger woman like in their 50's, early 60's. Maybe they thought I was to old for them. I was disappointed in the woman that replied to me. Based on their pictures alone I could see why many were alone. So bottom line is I did not appeal to woman I was interested in nor did the woman interested in me, appeal to me.
I think that issue was as a young, active 75 I am more interested in younger woman like in their 50's, early 60's. Maybe they thought I was to old for them. .
75 year old widower here. I tried Our Time. It just did not work for me. Seems the woman I would say hello to rarely replied. I think that issue was as a young, active 75 I am more interested in younger woman like in their 50's, early 60's. Maybe they thought I was to old for them. I was disappointed in the woman that replied to me. Based on their pictures alone I could see why many were alone. So bottom line is I did not appeal to woman I was interested in nor did the woman interested in me, appeal to me.
I think this is a common issue for women. Men often try to date women much younger than them, and filter their matches accordingly. I am regularly hit on by men old enough to be my father. My father is in his mid-70s. No, that is not appealing, and it saddens me a little that men do is when there are many women their own age that are appropriate and available, and will STILL likely outlive them.
The pool of men becomes very small for women with aging.
I agree with the OPs concerns. His mother is looking for an active, healthy man who enjoys social outings and evenings square dancing multiple times a week. Few 90 year olds can do that, and there is a high risk she will become a home bound caregiver instead looking in that age group.
She should continue to keep doing activities she enjoys and look for possible matches there, let her friends know she is looking, and sometimes the pay dating sites online can help filter out a few folks that are less committed. Also look for local men's clubs (eg Lion's) and veterans association sponsored gatherings, book clubs, and volunteering for organizations you believe in. Try to say hello to one or two strangers a day. You never know..
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