U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Retirement
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 10-05-2017, 08:39 AM
 
Location: NJ
972 posts, read 2,425,123 times
Reputation: 1840

Advertisements

Hi All,

I am writing this question for my mom, who is 73 and a widow. She was married to my dad for over 50 years and now that some time has passed since my dad's passing, she is thinking she wants to start meeting new people and perhaps find love. Although they stayed married all those years, my parents were not compatible and it was not a particularly happy marriage. My mom would love to meet someone with similar interests who is kind, loving, fun and youthful for their age, like she is.

That brings me to my question. She recently put herself on a dating site geared toward people of her religion, and that site doesn't seem to have a ton of activity. So far, she's only been contacted by 90 year old men, which is a tad old for her. She did specify an age range she is looking to stay within, but I guess people don't pay attention to that.

Have any of you had experience on other dating sites and if so, can you share your experience (good and bad)? I know about Match, Our Time, EHarmony. I would think Our Time might be a good one for her and would probably have a larger population of people around her age to increase her chances of meeting a nice man.

Just wondering about the pros and cons of each. I have been helping her with this stuff, taking her photos, helping her with her profile, etc. I have not personally used dating sites, as I got married in the stone age before such things were available, but I have numerous friends (in my age range) who have used them. Just wanted to get the perspective of older folks.

Thanks in advance for any insights you can give me.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 10-05-2017, 09:21 AM
 
Location: Tennessee
202 posts, read 240,546 times
Reputation: 587
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sassygirl18 View Post
Hi All,

I am writing this question for my mom, who is 73 and a widow. She was married to my dad for over 50 years and now that some time has passed since my dad's passing, she is thinking she wants to start meeting new people and perhaps find love. Although they stayed married all those years, my parents were not compatible and it was not a particularly happy marriage. My mom would love to meet someone with similar interests who is kind, loving, fun and youthful for their age, like she is.

That brings me to my question. She recently put herself on a dating site geared toward people of her religion, and that site doesn't seem to have a ton of activity. So far, she's only been contacted by 90 year old men, which is a tad old for her. She did specify an age range she is looking to stay within, but I guess people don't pay attention to that.

Have any of you had experience on other dating sites and if so, can you share your experience (good and bad)? I know about Match, Our Time, EHarmony. I would think Our Time might be a good one for her and would probably have a larger population of people around her age to increase her chances of meeting a nice man.

Just wondering about the pros and cons of each. I have been helping her with this stuff, taking her photos, helping her with her profile, etc. I have not personally used dating sites, as I got married in the stone age before such things were available, but I have numerous friends (in my age range) who have used them. Just wanted to get the perspective of older folks.

Thanks in advance for any insights you can give me.

At 59 I'm probably younger than who you were targeting your post for but I have used Match successfully to meet ladies. Over the last ten years I've dated some nice ladies in my age group and I'm currently in a long term relationship with a woman I met on Match. That said, anyone that uses this means to meet people needs to be very cautious. I usually correspond with a lady for several days so we can get to know each other before I suggest meeting for coffee, lunch or even a late breakfast. I never ask a woman out for drinks or dinner on the first date. While I enjoy a craft beer or Guinness I'm just not sure a bar or pub is the best place to find romance. Dinner is a commitment. If either party discovers that the chemistry merely isn't there finishing dinner in restaurant can get uncomfortable. There's less of a social commitment in breakfast, lunch or having coffee. If it works out you can hang out and chat for as long as you like but if it's not working out it's easy to say, I've got to get to work, meet someone for another engagement or run errands. I believe that dinner is best reserved for the second or even third date. Both men and women need to use caution during their first few meetings with a new date. I always meet a lady in a public place like a coffee shop or quiet café. I attempt to to be engaging and ask my date about her life and let her do most of the talking at first. If she's interested and asks me questions I'll talk openly about myself and my life without giving up too much personal information. If someone talks incessantly about themselves, their ex spouse or partner and isn't interested in you that's a red flag. I'll be honest there are a lot of gold diggers of both genders that troll dating sites. I recommend anyone that uses them to be cautious but also relax and enjoy getting out and meeting new people and have fun. To those that shun dating sites and say "Surely you must be able to meet people another way?" I say this "For me it works. What else would you suggest? I reside alone with my dogs and a cat in a residential neighborhood where nearly everyone is married with lives of their own. I don't attend church, golf bores me, I seldom go to bars, have little contact with my family and it's quite unlikely I'll meet anyone I want to date at work." On line dating can work if you are careful and patient. It's unlikely that your mom will find romance right away. It takes patience and the trial and error of being socially engaged to meet someone that you may want to spend more than just an evening with. Many people that find themselves newly single after many years of marriage often overlook this fact. Lastly, I recommend that anyone that uses these sites be honest. State clearly what you are looking for in a relationship and what you aren't looking for. By all means use clear and recent profile photos. I'm not sure using photos of one's grandchildren is a good idea for many reasons but a photo of your pets is well advised. I won't date someone that doesn't like animals and my date needs to know that going in. By the time we reach this point in our lives we probably aren't going to change very much and our likes and dislikes aren't going to change. For example it would be a disaster for me to date a woman that likes to spend the weekend on the golf course and hates camping and NASCAR . I had a woman sneer at me because I have visible tattoos and wear cowboy boots as dress shoes, Oh well! Accept people for who they are because if you attempt to change them you'll be disappointed. I hope that this was helpful and feel free to ask me any questions that I haven't addressed.

Last edited by irishcopper; 10-05-2017 at 10:01 AM..
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-05-2017, 10:04 AM
 
11,204 posts, read 8,594,278 times
Reputation: 28260
Our time.com and seniorpeoplemeet.com
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-05-2017, 10:29 AM
 
Location: Central NY
4,697 posts, read 3,268,911 times
Reputation: 12062
I've tried several dating sites over the years. I am not ugly, obese, etc.

I have yet to meet more than a couple of men. I'm not sure what they are looking for that I didn't have.

I wish good luck to the OP's mother.


Irishcopper: I think your success is typical for the MALES who are looking.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-05-2017, 10:32 AM
 
Location: middle tennessee
1,927 posts, read 997,223 times
Reputation: 7020
Quote:
Originally Posted by charlygal View Post
Our time.com and seniorpeoplemeet.com


and you know this how?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-05-2017, 12:04 PM
 
Location: Tennessee
202 posts, read 240,546 times
Reputation: 587
Quote:
Originally Posted by NYgal1542 View Post
I've tried several dating sites over the years. I am not ugly, obese, etc.

I have yet to meet more than a couple of men. I'm not sure what they are looking for that I didn't have.

I wish good luck to the OP's mother.


Irishcopper: I think your success is typical for the MALES who are looking.

I'm not sure that you meant that as a good thing. I'll be the first to admit that a lot of guys are jerks and worse. However, there those of us that are still decent and kind gentlemen that know how to treat a lady.


A while back I saw a profile on Plenty of Fish where the lady specified that she would only date someone if "They had a job, a car, didn't reside with their parents and weren't on probation or parole."
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-05-2017, 12:38 PM
 
Location: equator
3,522 posts, read 1,561,504 times
Reputation: 8740
Quote:
Originally Posted by irishcopper View Post
I'm not sure that you meant that as a good thing. I'll be the first to admit that a lot of guys are jerks and worse. However, there those of us that are still decent and kind gentlemen that know how to treat a lady.


A while back I saw a profile on Plenty of Fish where the lady specified that she would only date someone if "They had a job, a car, didn't reside with their parents and weren't on probation or parole."

LOL! An older single friend of mine said this very thing! I thought it was hilarious until I realized how many, even in their 60s, still live at home, maybe no car, maybe no job.....maybe have a record. You gotta start somewhere!


I did Match at age 45 to 50 and had lots of dates. Thing I found is guys wanted their own type. Corporate guys did not mesh with me. I was an adventurous free-spirit-type without much money, but getting by on my own. Guys are looking for money too! So, be honest.


Doesn't Match have a "senior section"?


Also, I've said this before: You can meet someone indirectly through dating sites. I met a guy who led me to the town where I then met my husband. Without that date, I would never have met my husband. So it can work like that.


Don't be thin-skinned. It's just like real life. Win some, lose some.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-05-2017, 12:50 PM
 
Location: Central NY
4,697 posts, read 3,268,911 times
Reputation: 12062
Quote:
Originally Posted by [B
irishcopper[/b];49733344]I'm not sure that you meant that as a good thing. I'll be the first to admit that a lot of guys are jerks and worse. However, there those of us that are still decent and kind gentlemen that know how to treat a lady.


A while back I saw a profile on Plenty of Fish where the lady specified that she would only date someone if "They had a job, a car, didn't reside with their parents and weren't on probation or parole."

I did not mean that as an insult or put-down. I think there are fewer men on dating sites. Lots of women.

I've been divorced for a long time and there had been some really ugly stuff that came out of it and it trickled on down to my kids. So I started out single life pretty jaded. And I had been told by my ex and my daughter that I would never meet anyone because no guy would want me. How's that for building confidence.

So I am guessing a lot of my failure at meeting someone is due to my attitude. I try not to speak negatively, but I think body language can be a clue/turn off.

I hate to think I'm destined to be alone. At age 75, it just seems likely.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-05-2017, 12:59 PM
 
11,204 posts, read 8,594,278 times
Reputation: 28260
Quote:
Originally Posted by newcomputer View Post
and you know this how?
Just from ads. Checking them out won't cost you anything.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-05-2017, 01:30 PM
 
Location: Idaho
4,652 posts, read 4,497,582 times
Reputation: 9150
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sassygirl18 View Post
Have any of you had experience on other dating sites and if so, can you share your experience (good and bad)?
I've had mixed results. Married one, and I ended the marriage after too many years. Not that she was a 'bad' woman. On the contrary, she is a decent person. However, she is not the person her profile says she is. I married her too soon and believed what she said. (Details not important to this discussion.)

I do have two lady friends that I've 'met' through dating sites. We've spent time together as conditions allow, phone each other occasionally, and e-mail frequently. They are 'friends' and that is probably all they will ever be. I'm done with marriage, being a 'two-time loser'. I either make poor choices, am difficult to live with, or am too particular in what I'd want in a companion. Whatever the case, I don't seem to be good husband material, and I accept that.

I will say that the closest friends of the opposite sex I have, and the longest-lasting friendships have been those where a mutual friend or a family member introduced us to each other. (One of these 'friendships' have endured for over twenty-five years and I sometimes think that she is the only woman I have ever truly loved in my life.)

p.s. I do know that long-distance relationships don't work very well. For awhile they might, but not for the long term.
__________________


Moderator posts will always be Red and can only be discussed via Direct Message.
C-D Home page, TOS (Terms of Service), How to Search, FAQ's, Posting Guide
Moderator of Idaho, Montana, Wyoming, Guns and Hunting, and Weather


Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Retirement
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top