What do you dislike about the "holidays" as a retired person? (weather, movies)
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I used to enjoy them when my parents were alive because they took so much pleasure in their grand and great-grand children, and that was a joy to watch. Having no children and a brother in Jersey whom I see about once or twice a year (I do indeed adore him), I don't really care about them now except for their spiritual significance which is pretty much gone in this country.
So I usually turn down the obligatory invitations and spend the time with my canines: walking, frisbee, cuddled on the sofa with a few good films or working on my courses. Sometimes I volunteer here and there. I've been a lone wolf for quite a long time - and that's HOW WE ROLL!
Hope all of YOU folks enjoy the holidays with your loved ones. Take care XO
My mom was a very happy person. I never minded going over for Thanksgiving. Going to my sibling's house is just not the same. Her kids get there, eat, and leave. No sitting around talking etc. Her two kids do have different fathers and my sibling and her daughter do not like the son's wife. The son's wife sits in the other room with their kids. But they are kind of reclusive. They do a lot of cooking today and just sit at home watching football. To me, it is weird that they don't have "granma" over. Granpa died ten years ago. So granma sits at home today alone. She might like that - who knows.
At seventy two I have to say that the holidays just aren't the happy days of our earlier gatherings of aunts and uncles cousins, siblings, and often times a few friends of all those family members would come to enjoy the huge feasts prepared by four or five aunts who were all very accomplished cooks. Our roots are in the Montana ranching country so big meals were a daily chore for my aunts.
Mom, Dad, and all the aunts and uncles are now gone, as well as my brother, former wife, and some cousins, family got much smaller and more into their own lives through the last fifty years. Today I'm having Thanksgiving at my daughters with my wife of five years, some grandchildren, and two sisters. From a maximum of forty people to ten seems to be a reminder of the losses I've experienced through the years, and being old qualifies me to become invisible by the grandchildren who only speak to each other. Just like we did as kids. Little changes in life with the exception of perception, the seat you're in allows different views of things, my old man seat makes me see the past much clearer than the future..
I still enjoy what we have left of these days of celebration--if only to have an opportunity to chat with those I seldom see. I'm still working through some odd feelings about the whole aging thing, so the holidays can easily cause me to mentally slip back to the earlier years of family togetherness. On days like today I'm just thankful for a much better life than I expected...
At seventy two I have to say that the holidays just aren't the happy days of our earlier gatherings of aunts and uncles cousins, siblings, and often times a few friends of all those family members would come to enjoy the huge feasts prepared by four or five aunts who were all very accomplished cooks. Our roots are in the Montana ranching country so big meals were a daily chore for my aunts.
Mom, Dad, and all the aunts and uncles are now gone, as well as my brother, former wife, and some cousins, family got much smaller and more into their own lives through the last fifty years. Today I'm having Thanksgiving at my daughters with my wife of five years, some grandchildren, and two sisters. From a maximum of forty people to ten seems to be a reminder of the losses I've experienced through the years, and being old qualifies me to become invisible by the grandchildren who only speak to each other. Just like we did as kids. Little changes in life with the exception of perception, the seat you're in allows different views of things, my old man seat makes me see the past much clearer than the future..
I still enjoy what we have left of these days of celebration--if only to have an opportunity to chat with those I seldom see. I'm still working through some odd feelings about the whole aging thing, so the holidays can easily cause me to mentally slip back to the earlier years of family togetherness. On days like today I'm just thankful for a much better life than I expected...
You're the "old guy" now and have replaced those others you mentioned. That's the natural order of things.
Or as the philosopher Paul Simon wrote, "I'm older than I once was and younger than I'll be".
I miss the relatives that are no longer with us. BUT, how nice to be free of the burden of celebrating two holidays two hours apart. I was expected to bring one or more dishes to both, help cook the meal once there, and help clean up after. The guys sat around and watched football on TV while we bustled around the kitchen. They sat down at the table to eat and then disappeared after the meal for more football. My husband at least helped clear the dishes, and would've helped cook if there was room in the kitchen, but he was the only one.
It was so stressful and tiring and it infuriated me: I worked full-time, just like all the men. Why did guys get to have a holiday and women didn't? My mother and mother-in-law never worked after marriage, so didn't grasp that younger women who did were being exploited by having to do all the obligatory family holiday stuff. It was just what women were "supposed" to do.
Then there was the fact that I didn't fully fit in with my in-laws, who were cliquish and had lots of unwritten rules that I was constantly in danger of breaking. The entire weekend was full of potential pitfalls. I remember my mother-in-law snapping at me because I tried to set the table with the everyday dishes rather than the company dishes. The only difference between the two was the function she had designated. My family wasn't much better, but at least the dysfunction was right there on the surface. My mother expected me to bring food and also cook half the meal, but also hated anyone being in her kitchen so was bossy and impatient. At every family gathering, my father flew into a rage at the smallish pretext; it was a matter of when rather than whether. My brothers and I enjoyed the food but grimly endured the rest and counted the minutes until we could leave. My father never had a clue how his temper tantrums affected others. He sensed we didn't enjoy being there but chalked it up to our being ungrateful, spoiled children.
There were bright spots here and there, but mostly holidays were physically and emotionally exhausting. I remember going back to work feeling like I hadn't had a vacation at all.
So, I'll say what I'm thankful for about the holidays these days, instead of what I dislike (which is pretty much nothing): a modest Thanksgiving meal prepared and cleaned up after by BOTH of us. A quiet day at home with just us and the cats. Doing needlework, watching shows saved to my watchlist, playing the piano, drinking spiced cider, and going for a walk. And, overwhelmingly, not having to do all the things I was expected to do in the past because it was family tradition. Being free from those kinds of expectations has been one of the biggest perks in getting older.
I could take the holidays or leave them, but the rest of the family really enjoys it, so I still do it.
It doesn't bother me. This year I was extremely behind on the Thanksgiving food (due to not feeling well), and husband and his mini-me really came in to save the day and help out, plus helping me to maintain my sense of humor.
DH always brines and smokes the turkey, so I that is never a worry.
Mid afternoon we will Skype with the rest of the family.
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I did feel sorry for the young couples with kids that had to travel all over the place.
I was married but never had kids so it was no big deal to drive here and there. It was kind of fun.
I don't remember having to take real food - maybe drinks and desserts.
I had to make a side dish yesterday and I swear it threw my whole holiday off. I had to cook yesterday and then today!! Never again.
It just didn't sit right with me for some reason.
What we did was stay home at Thanksgiving and traveled the 26th or 27th after we did Christmas at home. We saw no need to haul kids over the river and through the woods.
As of now, with 4 adult children (the youngest still lives with us), they come here for holidays. The oldest married daughter and her husband stop here to eat and then go to his parents' for dessert (we're halfway between their house and his parents).
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