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Old 12-15-2017, 10:14 AM
 
68 posts, read 107,160 times
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We are contemplating on a move to Myrtle Beach, SC area, to be in a warmer climate and more outdoor things to do. Getting away from cold winters, high taxes and just plain boring. We moved to NC 17 years ago, from Summerville, SC, to be nearer family, due to my illness and husband was involved in head on collision, which rendered him disabled. However, it was not the best idea as they did nothing for us. Here is my concern:

I am 64, hubby is 68. I have lupus and he has a lot of arthritis issues. We hate the cold and basically the whole area. We have a daughter and two grown granddaughters who live 15 miles from us. I rarely see them. Don't even visit once a month. We have 2 sons who live in Summerville, SC and we don't see them either, unless we make the trip. Way to expensive to live in that area again. I feel like our daughter and granddaughters have not bothered to help with the little things, which tells me they are not dependable for the big things.

I worry about 10 years down the road and something happens and we may need help. We are not financially able to live in a Senior Citizen apartment complex that is $3000 a month. What do I do then? Do we throw caution to the wind and live our last years out where and how we want to live? Soooo, how far do you live from nearest family member and do you worry about what might happen later?
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Old 12-15-2017, 10:24 AM
 
519 posts, read 579,871 times
Reputation: 986
Seems to me you cannot control the future.

That said, based upon your description of your relationship with daughters and your hate for the cold, I think I would be inclined to enjoy what time I have in relative warmth (of sun not daughters) and worry about the future "what ifs" when, and IF, they materialize.

I would, however, try to have a candid conversation with daughters about how I felt before pulling the trigger on a move.
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Old 12-15-2017, 10:31 AM
 
Location: Retired in VT; previously MD & NJ
14,267 posts, read 6,893,815 times
Reputation: 17872
I must be missing something. Is NC so much colder than SC? Or do you just want to get back to the beach?
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Old 12-15-2017, 10:35 AM
 
Location: prescott az
6,954 posts, read 12,004,619 times
Reputation: 14218
I think you should concentrate more on "the things to do" rather than the climate. When you find your place to be involved, have friends, and get out of yourself, climate will not matter that much. JMHO
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Old 12-15-2017, 10:36 AM
 
Location: Central NY
5,945 posts, read 5,090,580 times
Reputation: 16871
First of all, I am very sorry to hear about your and your husband's health issues. That is a tough one for sure.

I've learned that I cannot depend on my kids for anything. My daughter and I, who lives only maybe 10-15 miles away from me, do not have a relationship. For over 30 years. We've had moments where it seemed we would work things out. But I was wrong.

My son lives in OK. His past is very difficult. And he has decided he does not want to communicate with me because apparently I've said too much.

My kids are in their 50s. And I am 75. I've heard my daughter hopes I die before her father (we have been divorced 34+ years).

This has all been very depressing and I've been depressed for years.

At this late date in my life, I know I can't live for them or depend on them for anything. I'm going to have to take care of myself. Sometimes I am very sad about that. But's it's life and I know I am not the only one with this situation.

I think your idea of having that talk with your kids, laying the cards on the table, so to speak, is a good one. And then do what you want to do..... move or not move. But take care of yourselves.

Good luck.
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Old 12-15-2017, 10:47 AM
 
Location: East TN
11,020 posts, read 9,648,784 times
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Myrtle Beach doesn't seem to be far enough away from NC to make much difference in temperatures. Maybe further south?

As far as your kids, if they aren't helpful now, they probably won't be in the future. If they don't help with little things, big things are probably WAY out of the question. You could certainly open this conversation with them. Let them know what you are having problems with, and things they might be able to do to help, and then see how they respond. If they don't step up, assume they will be no help, and move where you will be happiest.

You will probably need to figure out a way to either pay for help with the things you need help with, be sure to check with the local Area Agency for Aging, or whatever it's called in your neck of the woods. They have a lot of free/low cost resources they can hook you up with. Perhaps you can work out things with neighbors so you can swap assistance. For example, you could pet-sit for a neighbor (or walk their dog while they're at work), as needed, in exchange for them driving you to doctor appointments, etc. If you are a church-goer, many churches have assistance ministries. I knew of one church that even had automotive-help ministries for people with car problems and no money to fix their car, and many similar programs for other needs. Don't be embarrassed to ask for help. Many people would like to volunteer, but don't know how to be of service. If you have abilities/knowledge to offer in exchange (anything from cooking to after-school baby-sitting, helping kids with homework, accepting and holding their packages from UPS, offering any specialized advice you might have in things like gardening, etc) so much the better!

Good luck and best wishes to you both.
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Old 12-15-2017, 10:51 AM
 
Location: Florida -
10,213 posts, read 14,767,640 times
Reputation: 21845
Do you have friends, outside of a family with whom you rarely communicate? Starting over with new friends, support network, etc. somewhere else (given your age and health) will be a very difficult situation ... for very little gain, since South Carolina is not that much warmer than North Carolina.

Instead of simply moving based on assumptions, it is time to have a serious conversation with both your daughter and son, regarding your age, deteriorating health and expectations.

$3000 is not much for two people in an ALF (are you instead talking about a 55+ apartment?). The latter would not give you much in the way of healthcare or assistance. Also, do you have equity in a home or elsewhere that could be converted into a more suitable living arrangement? (BTW, some services, such as Meals-on-Wheels) also provide a regular 'check-in' service; and other periodic CNA services can be arranged on an hourly rate basis).
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Old 12-15-2017, 11:54 AM
 
2,212 posts, read 1,067,563 times
Reputation: 1381
Quote:
Originally Posted by cathwilms View Post
We are contemplating on a move to Myrtle Beach, SC area, to be in a warmer climate and more outdoor things to do. Getting away from cold winters, high taxes and just plain boring. We moved to NC 17 years ago, from Summerville, SC, to be nearer family, due to my illness and husband was involved in head on collision, which rendered him disabled. However, it was not the best idea as they did nothing for us. Here is my concern:

I am 64, hubby is 68. I have lupus and he has a lot of arthritis issues. We hate the cold and basically the whole area. We have a daughter and two grown granddaughters who live 15 miles from us. I rarely see them. Don't even visit once a month. We have 2 sons who live in Summerville, SC and we don't see them either, unless we make the trip. Way to expensive to live in that area again. I feel like our daughter and granddaughters have not bothered to help with the little things, which tells me they are not dependable for the big things.

I worry about 10 years down the road and something happens and we may need help. We are not financially able to live in a Senior Citizen apartment complex that is $3000 a month. What do I do then? Do we throw caution to the wind and live our last years out where and how we want to live? Soooo, how far do you live from nearest family member and do you worry about what might happen later?

If you don't see your family now when they live close then what would it matter if you lived further away ?
I don't think it matters where you live if your family is not dependable.
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Old 12-15-2017, 12:04 PM
 
6,277 posts, read 4,153,033 times
Reputation: 24731
I think focus on making the last years of your life as happy as possible, carving out a new life where you can enjoy new friends and build up a support system. Sounds like your kids just don't care so whether you are 15 miles apart or 15,000 doesn't make much difference. 10 years down the road and you need help means you have 10 years to figure out what services are available to help you , what your budget can help with, etc.

all the best with it.
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Old 12-15-2017, 12:05 PM
 
Location: Texas
4,843 posts, read 3,615,593 times
Reputation: 15339
Quote:
Originally Posted by skycaller23 View Post
If you don't see your family now when they live close then what would it matter if you lived further away ?
I don't think it matters where you live if your family is not dependable.
^^^^this

We moved back to my home in Fort Worth, Texas after we lived in the Seattle/Tacoma area for 12 years. I moved up there from TX for work. Met and married my husband.

He lived 10 minutes from his four kids and they rarely (can count on one hand) came to see him/us. If it was me, I was at work commuting/working for 12 hours a day. So they had no excuse. We moved here and only one kid came to visit, we treated them to a nice vacation, paid for everything, etc. None of the others have expressed any interest. Their loss.

I jumped at the chance to move back, with a fully paid move by my employer, to Texas.

I struggled 12 years with the damp and cold. It is such a blessing to live the rest of our lives in warm dry conditions. The sun, big blue skies, and my hips and knees no longer give me misery.

Go where the warm is....
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