Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I’ve always believed that when you raise your children, their growth, their college or technical school education, their first car, and even an assist with the downpayment on their first house is free.
But beyond that, inheritance is earned. I have two children in their thirties. I am pushing 70, as is their mother. Both of them at various times have disowned us because of something stupid where we didn’t do exactly like they wanted, and all the times they did this, we were in a bind where we had other responsibilities and could not so, or doing so was simply too much of a hardship for two older adults. In none of the cases was it a serious hardship for them.
Neither of them have recently sent a birthday card or a mother’s day card or father’s day card, and don’t even acknowledge the holiday. We don’t hear from them for months. When we see them, often as not, one of them will actually say cruel things to us. They rarely respond to emails, texts, or call back after left messages.
As we are close to our 70’s, it is likely that we will increasingly not be able to travel to see them, either because of medical issues, or simply because its a hardship(like driving for three days though snowy conditions to get to their house at Christmas, or not willing to get stuck in an airport because of snow, since we all live way north).
And so, we will increasingly not “meet their needs”.
And so, neither of them pay very much attention to us in our old age, and have no problem with cutting us off for indeterminate amounts of time for failing to meet their expectations. Financially, both of them are rather well off, having more than double our income that we have in our retirement.
I see this as a failure to earn inheritance, and I could more easily share it with charities that would really be able to use the money.
I just wonder if I have a singular viewpoint as I often do, or whether others share these thoughts.
Your money, your choice. They sound as if they won't be grateful if you leave them anything, while there are many charities that would be very grateful.
And don't feel guilty; if they don't call for months, don't respond to your messages....adios to them!
Some families have a rule of thirds: one third for the remaining spouse, one third for the children, and one third to charities. I would not exclude children from the Will, as that can lead to it being contested. I would leave something small for the children that have little or no contact with you, and leave the bulk intended for the children to any of the children who still value time with you.
I suggest that you put all of this in writing now so no one can suggest that you were not of sound mind when you made the decision. Also, children who are absent today are more than likely going to be circling like vultures during your final days. If you don't want that to happen, or for them to make important decisions about your end of life care, put that in writing today.
My point of view, if they don't care to care about their parents, aunts, uncles - they're probably not going to benefit from savings, investing - sorry.
There are a few non-relatives that I'd surely love to help out (ie give tuition assistance) instead. Or maybe a charity.
We’d probably pass it through to the grand child, with a clause that the estate support agency or law office could only give a certain amount for education at a nationally accredited agency up to age 35. This in itself would probably cause one of them to maintain some relationship with the grand child. What the grand child(or children) did would be up to them/him/her.
But we are not making any decisions now. We will see how the current estrangements go. A competent estate lawyer can make most wills break-proof, especially with a pre-evaluation by a board certified psychiatrist as part of the package. The potential heirs would have to prove incompetence and its not too hard to show that there was no incompetence, only a decision.
For me….inheritance is what is left when I am gone and it’s split according to my wishes via trust/will. It’s just that simple. It’s not something I specifically save in order for my kids to have an inheritance and not something they earn or lose through actions.
If you chose not to leave an inheritance to your kids, then make other plans via trust/will.
We’d probably pass it through to the grand child, with a clause that the estate support agency or law office could only give a certain amount for education at a nationally accredited agency up to age 35. This in itself would probably cause one of them to maintain some relationship with the grand child. What the grand child(or children) did would be up to them/him/her.
But we are not making any decisions now. We will see how the current estrangements go. A competent estate lawyer can make most wills break-proof, especially with a pre-evaluation by a board certified psychiatrist as part of the package. The potential heirs would have to prove incompetence and its not too hard to show that there was no incompetence, only a decision.
Sounds like a good idea, and don't forget to do something nice for you & your spouse, splurge on a fancy trip, while you are still able.
Some families have a rule of thirds: one third for the remaining spouse, one third for the children, and one third to charities. I would not exclude children from the Will, as that can lead to it being contested. I would leave something small for the children that have little or no contact with you, and leave the bulk intended for the children to any of the children who still value time with you.
I suggest that you put all of this in writing now so no one can suggest that you were not of sound mind when you made the decision. Also, children who are absent today are more than likely going to be circling like vultures during your final days. If you don't want that to happen, or for them to make important decisions about your end of life care, put that in writing today.
1/3 to the remaining spouse? Most marital resources are jointly owned and not for the first dead to hand off.
We’d probably pass it through to the grand child, with a clause that the estate support agency or law office could only give a certain amount for education at a nationally accredited agency up to age 35. This in itself would probably cause one of them to maintain some relationship with the grand child. What the grand child(or children) did would be up to them/him/her.
But we are not making any decisions now. We will see how the current estrangements go. A competent estate lawyer can make most wills break-proof, especially with a pre-evaluation by a board certified psychiatrist as part of the package. The potential heirs would have to prove incompetence and its not too hard to show that there was no incompetence, only a decision.
Good ideas IMO. However 35 seems somewhat old. My father willed considerable amounts to each of his grands with the age to inherit at 28. Every single one has used their inheritance wisely.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
