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Old 12-29-2017, 02:17 PM
 
Location: Central NY
4,658 posts, read 3,239,300 times
Reputation: 11917

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Quote:
Originally Posted by skycaller23 View Post
I don't see any post saying you used the wrong word.
And some posts, like mine for instance, are comments on a post other than yours.
Not all posts in this thread are directed to you personally.

Just so you know, my post wasn't directed at you.

We do not agree on some things. So what?
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Old 12-29-2017, 02:19 PM
 
496 posts, read 520,987 times
Reputation: 1626
All I can say is do not rely on your children and grandchildren to make any/all of your dreams come true. They grew up and became people while you weren't looking. They have goals, dreams,, ideals, thoughts and ideas of their own, which may or may not include you. No one can disappoint you like someone to whom you gave birth.
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Old 12-29-2017, 02:21 PM
 
3,604 posts, read 1,641,304 times
Reputation: 13548
Quote:
Originally Posted by LynnKrause1 View Post
All I can say is do not rely on your children and grandchildren to make any/all of your dreams come true. They grew up and became people while you weren't looking. They have goals, dreams,, ideals, thoughts and ideas of their own, which may or may not include you. No one can disappoint you like someone to whom you gave birth.

I so agree
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Old 12-29-2017, 02:30 PM
 
Location: Wonderland
44,695 posts, read 36,132,256 times
Reputation: 63270
Maybe I'm an underachiever, I don't know. But if so, it's not bothering me.

I just never had any huge, dramatic expectations or goals. I mean, I guess on a personal level but not a professional or monetary level if that makes sense.

I want a healthy relationship with my lover and my best friend, and I have that.

I want to have children in my life who love me, and I have that.

I want to have a handful of very dear friends, and I have that.

I want to help empower other women, and I do that.

I want dogs - and I have them.

I love to travel and explore new places and cultures and I've done a lot of that and will continue to do so as long as I can.

I want to be safe in my own home, and I am.

I don't want to have to worry about paying bills or where my next meal is coming from - I don't have to be wealthy but I do want to be comfortable financially, and I am and have been for many years now.

I want to have a creative outlet, and I do. I want the ability to create beauty and joy and peace in my life and give that to other people and I'm able to do that.

The other stuff - titles, wealth, degrees, prestige, career accomplishments, fame and fortune, fancy cars or jewelry or prestigious symbols of success - none of that means anything to me. Never has.

That being said, I do have lifestyle preferences that require a steady income, so I guess in that sense money is important to me - for what it can offer in the way of experiences, not in the way of material possessions.
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Old 12-29-2017, 02:44 PM
 
5,425 posts, read 3,445,259 times
Reputation: 13698
Quote:
Originally Posted by Spuggy View Post

As a very young woman I was helping a resident in a nursing home who was dying and she offered me this advice, "make happy memories because that is all you have left in the end and they will comfort and sustain you." I took her advice.

Sure I have mini dreams, but wherever I am in this life, through thick and thin I try to make happy memories
It's good that the above works for you and that you find meaning in it. I am not on the 'happy memory' bandwagon nor do i think happy memories necessarilly comfort and sustain one in their old age or upon dying.

I do not dwell on any satisfying events (memories) that occurred in my past. It's just not something I think about.

And I cannot imagine living each day with a goal of creating a special memory. (or having things serendipitously happen in a day turning the day or activity into something memorable) I understand that others are different and find that meaningful - but I do not derive meaning from it.

I'm more into just having days that I enjoy. Creating something that rises to the level of happy memory is not really something that i currently have much ability to do nor much desire to do. (and yes, I know some will define 'happy memory' in many ways)

One example is how some people say when they lose a person - they say this person will never see the person graduate, never walk the person down the aisle in marriage or attend the wedding, etc - I find that not meaningful - I think the loss of regular day to day interaction and day to day regular communication is much more important than any events like graduation.
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Old 12-29-2017, 02:51 PM
 
329 posts, read 162,350 times
Reputation: 509
It's interesting to see everybody's take on the question. Gives me something to think about so thanks to all.
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Old 12-29-2017, 03:19 PM
 
6,306 posts, read 5,049,308 times
Reputation: 12810
Quote:
Originally Posted by LynnKrause1 View Post
All I can say is do not rely on your children and grandchildren to make any/all of your dreams come true. They grew up and became people while you weren't looking. They have goals, dreams,, ideals, thoughts and ideas of their own, which may or may not include you. No one can disappoint you like someone to whom you gave birth.
A friend once told me to have kids so that I would have someone that loves me - I didn't know what to say.

I knew that even at that "young" age - 20 or so - that was not a guarantee.
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Old 12-29-2017, 04:32 PM
 
Location: Atlanta
3,203 posts, read 3,196,256 times
Reputation: 2031
Quote:
Originally Posted by matisse12 View Post
It's good that the above works for you and that you find meaning in it. I am not on the 'happy memory' bandwagon nor do i think happy memories necessarilly comfort and sustain one in their old age or upon dying.

I do not dwell on any satisfying events (memories) that occurred in my past. It's just not something I think about.

And I cannot imagine living each day with a goal of creating a special memory. (or having things serendipitously happen in a day turning the day or activity into something memorable) I understand that others are different and find that meaningful - but I do not derive meaning from it.

I'm more into just having days that I enjoy. Creating something that rises to the level of happy memory is not really something that i currently have much ability to do nor much desire to do. (and yes, I know some will define 'happy memory' in many ways)

One example is how some people say when they lose a person - they say this person will never see the person graduate, never walk the person down the aisle in marriage or attend the wedding, etc - I find that not meaningful - I think the loss of regular day to day interaction and day to day regular communication is much more important than any events like graduation.
I don't think "happy memories" are excluded to major events and that they definitely would include having days one enjoys and days where one had your regular interaction(s) with someone or some people that mean something to them.
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Old 12-29-2017, 04:41 PM
 
5,425 posts, read 3,445,259 times
Reputation: 13698
Quote:
Originally Posted by southkakkatlantan View Post

I don't think "happy memories" are excluded to major events and that they definitely would include having days one enjoys and days where one had your regular interaction(s) with someone or some people that mean something to them.
I was not saying that 'happy memories' are only 'major events'.

The example in my last paragraph was not meant as an example of how all 'happy memories' are usually 'major events'.

'happy memories' are not just major events - to clarify.
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Old 12-29-2017, 05:48 PM
 
Location: Somewhere in deep in Maine
3,658 posts, read 2,809,103 times
Reputation: 4436
Sometimes dreams don’t actually work. From the time I was an elementary school child I wanted to live in a cabin in the woods, after visiting a friend’s parents cabin.

When I was 46, I was gifted with a little bit of money that made that possible. I built this house from a kit, and visited on weekends. It was situated on a small property, in the middle of 600 acres of woods, down a long 750 food driveway that we had access to. It was about 30 minutes from any population center that had restaurants.

We had planned to retire there. But after visiting on weekends we realized it could only be a weekend retreat. We could never live there. The people in the area were way too conservative for us. The place was simply too isolated. We were lonely when we went there. No one wanted to visit us or go along to a place so in the middle of a forest.

And so it turned out that the dream we had wasn’t anything like we expected.

My wife dreamed that she would have a daughter who played with dolls like her. She had a daughter, but the kid wasn’t remotely interested in dolls. She dreamed that her children would have children. One did not. One did, but the one that did, chose to live so far away that if we see our grandson once a year as we get older, it will be a lot.

Some dreams, while good dreams that come true, turn out to be nothing like you expected.

I have a friend who dreamed that her daughter would marry a fairly well off man who would take care of her and love her. She did do that. Unfortunately, my friend failed to dream for the right profession too. It turnout that he worked for an industry that every adolescent boy who sneaks Penthouse Magazines would die to work in. Eventually, he did take his skills and move them into more conventional ways, but at first it was pretty strange for his in-laws.
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