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Old 01-01-2018, 12:52 PM
Status: "could've~would've~should've used 'have', not 'of'" (set 22 days ago)
 
Location: A Yankee in northeast TN
10,507 posts, read 14,335,765 times
Reputation: 23357

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Quote:
Originally Posted by KathrynAragon View Post
I would have preferred that she call me either by my first name or by Ms (Last Name). It's the Miss Kathryn thing that I don't like from fellow adults.

I'm not offended by it - I just don't like it. I don't need deference from other adults. I for SURE don't need it from my next door neighbor who is in his forties! Sheeze! Yep, I'm going to start calling him Mister So and So. I bet he will be surprised by that.
After something that has happened to me recently I think maybe it's not always about deference but might also be about distance and boundaries?
Recently at work we have had most of our older workers leave for one reason or another, and that leaves only two of us 'silver-haired' ladies still there. The other woman is about twenty years older than me but suddenly she sees us as same age bosom buddies and she reminisces to the other employees about things and events 'we' went through in our younger years. Half the stuff she talks about I might have been a toddler when it happened, lol. (NO, 'we' weren't horrified by the JFK shooting since one of us had just turned three!)
I have been searching for a nice way to handle this and I am starting to think that calling her Miss MaryMarthaSarah might be a subtle reminder to her that just because we are both older it doesn't put us on the same page, and most especially doesn't meant we now share the same outlook on life! A little distance can be good.
I think distance might also be the point behind calling your boss Miss this or that or Mr so and so. I like my boss but I want there to be some distance between us so he will always be a Mr to me.
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Old 01-01-2018, 01:23 PM
 
Location: Wonderland
44,884 posts, read 36,203,761 times
Reputation: 63544
Quote:
Originally Posted by luv4horses View Post
If an adult near my age said it (Miss) to me I would assume they were just trying to charm me. But of course even though I have been "the boss" of different people in my lifetime, I never had anyone act subservient, just polite. Maybe that is all you are encountering.
I hope so. But I am always thrown by it. It immediately makes me look at them askance.

I've encountered several people over the course of my life who have used that phrase when talking with me, and they were absolute SHYSTERS who used that sort of terminology to let people think they were subservient or respectful, when all they were really trying to was lull people into a false sense of security while they robbed them blind - or tried to in my case (didn't work).

1) A guy who rented a guest house of my parents, and because "he was so polite" (in other words, because he called my mom and dad Mr So and So and Miss So and So) they didn't run a criminal background check on him, against my advice. Oh, they just thought he was such a gentleman! I flat out told my parents that his calling me Miss Kathryn was more of a red flag than not, and I was right on the money. He is now in jail - again.

2) A secretary I hired when I was in my thirties, and she was in her fifties or sixties. She insisted on calling me Miss Kathryn though I told her over and over again, "Don't call me that, please. Just Kathryn will do." I ended up firing her because in spite of her being oh so polite and in spite of her constantly bringing fresh baked goodies to the office, she was the worst secretary I've ever had in my life, and dishonest to boot. And you know what she did when I fired her? She went complaining to MY manager calling HER "Miss So and So, Miss So and So" and I had to explain to my manager that this was not some sweet little subservient lady but was actually a very dishonest and disingenuous person. (I won that round too.)

3. The landscaper that my parents LOVED who called everyone Miss and Mister So and So, constantly. My parents kept saying, "Do you know he was a DOCTOR back in Mexico?" OK, no, I don't know that and still am not sure of that, but what I do know is that while he was calling everyone Miss and Mister, he was doing a terrible job on anything other than the most basic lawn care, and in fact I had to threaten him with small claims court once because against my better judgment I gave him $500 in advance to build a small patio for me, and he just wouldn't come do it. For months. I was a single mom and $500 was a lot of money to me, and he knew that but every time I'd see him and say, "When are you coming to do that patio?" he'd say, "Oh, Miss Kathryn, I'll be there this Saturday" and then he just would never show up.

I could go on because I have many, many other examples of this, but my point is that I'm not impressed by being called Miss Kathryn by anyone. All anyone has to do to get my mom to do ANYTHING (and I do mean anything for any amount of money) is to act subservient and start calling her Miss Milly (not her real name) and she just thinks they are the sweetest, most honest person in the world. Oh brother!

No thanks. Just call me Kathryn and act like a responsible adult around me.
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Old 01-01-2018, 01:25 PM
 
Location: Wonderland
44,884 posts, read 36,203,761 times
Reputation: 63544
Quote:
Originally Posted by theatergypsy View Post
Now it's clear. Your neighbor keeps calling you Miss Kathryn because he KNOWS it bothers you. He may have started it when you told his wife that the children could call you "Miss Kathryn" and I'm thinking he found that rather high-flown (no being from the South and all) and that's where it started.

This guy knows what buttons to push.
Maybe - or he's just clueless.

He is thrilled to be "living in the south" to hear him talk. He loves southern culture, according to him. Maybe he just thinks this is "what people do" around here. I don't know. Anyway, I'm going to start calling him Mr. too - that should be interesting!

If I can remember to do it. I haven't called anyone Miss or Mister anyone since I was in school, so it doesn't come naturally to me.
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Old 01-01-2018, 01:41 PM
 
Location: Wasilla, AK
7,266 posts, read 4,147,049 times
Reputation: 15697
Quote:
Originally Posted by shokwaverider View Post
Nothing Offends me, "Sticks & Stones"..... Oh one thing does, having to be conscious of what I say in case it offends someone. No such problem in Australia and England. (I am English) Most people who live in America have VERY thin skins.
Quote:
Originally Posted by mlulu23 View Post
But unkind words can, and do hurt. Often very deeply. As can the kind, loving words that are withheld from others that may be in need of hearing them.
Quote:
Originally Posted by shokwaverider View Post
I have just noticed after my 30 years here in the USA that Americans are a lot more sensitive to this kind of thing than others. Australians, English and Most Europeans simply do not really care. There are a lot more important things to get upset about than words. Why look for more?
That's because certain Americans are thin-skinned. There are those who wake up each morning looking for something to be offended about. Everything they see or hear all day long is analyzed through the prism of "How does this offend me?" And don't even get me started on the current snowflake generation.
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Old 01-01-2018, 02:10 PM
 
11,269 posts, read 8,436,427 times
Reputation: 20467
Default a word that won't offend old people

How about a series of words, say.... a sentence!
"May I mow your lawn?"
"I brought you some cookies."
"Can you tell me the best thing that ever happened to you?"
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Old 01-01-2018, 02:31 PM
 
Location: Upper Left Hand Corner
2,573 posts, read 962,288 times
Reputation: 4194
Quote:
Originally Posted by AlaskaErik View Post
That's because certain Americans are thin-skinned. There are those who wake up each morning looking for something to be offended about. Everything they see or hear all day long is analyzed through the prism of "How does this offend me?" And don't even get me started on the current snowflake generation.
Sorry but no. I was referring to emotionally abusive, unavailable, cruel, bullies who don't care who they hurt with their words, lies, with holding of affection, and love. There are way too many people like that who will say whatever comes to mind without a second thought. Those people have no self control, nor empathy towards others. They derive pleasure, and self satisfaction from humiliating, and dragging others down to their level. You, and I are talking about two totally different subjects.

People that are easily offended over every little thing are overly sensitive, I agree. I am not one of them since I've had to live with the former, and can tell the difference.
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Old 01-01-2018, 02:41 PM
 
Location: Wonderland
44,884 posts, read 36,203,761 times
Reputation: 63544
Quote:
Originally Posted by hunterseat View Post
How about a series of words, say.... a sentence!
"May I mow your lawn?"
"I brought you some cookies."
"Can you tell me the best thing that ever happened to you?"
I like these a lot.
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Old 01-01-2018, 07:23 PM
 
Location: Cebu, Philippines
4,428 posts, read 1,679,997 times
Reputation: 8066
Old people don't get offended by things like that. Euphemisms are for the young people who think that makes them liberals.
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Old 01-01-2018, 07:33 PM
 
11,269 posts, read 8,436,427 times
Reputation: 20467
Quote:
Originally Posted by KathrynAragon View Post
I like these a lot.
BTW, I understand about the "Miss Kathryn" but in the South... They certainly mean it to be respectful. It's how they're raised. It's not even really about age, imo.
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Old 01-01-2018, 08:26 PM
 
Location: colorado springs, CO
4,966 posts, read 2,286,772 times
Reputation: 16671
Quote:
Originally Posted by TheShadow View Post
I was relating a story about a man trapped in the woods to my DH. He said "was this a guy in his 30's?", because he'd read a story about a 30-something lost a few weeks earlier. I said "No, it was an old guy, like 65" then I remembered my DH is 63. LOL...I had to fumble around for something to paper over that one real quick!
I do the same “foot in mouth” routine ... He is 12 years older than I.

I’ve done it so much that now I swear he tries to trap me. If I say “ ... an older guy...” He will say “About how old?” Conversely; he refuses to be trapped himself:

If I ask him how old someone was, especially if it is a woman; he says “I don’t know! I’ve never been good at judging how old people are!”

Yeah right.
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