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Old 01-04-2018, 06:55 AM
 
2,215 posts, read 744,904 times
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Here's my suggestion. No marriage. Sell both homes and then rent something together with each paying 1/2 rent.
At their ages they don't need to get married.
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Old 01-04-2018, 06:56 AM
 
Location: Wisconsin
17,068 posts, read 17,395,218 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by charlygal View Post
Are you joking? Tell them not to get married and choose the nicer of the two homes to live in. Keep finances separate except for a household checking account where they both fund an agreed amount each month. This can be automated from their personal checking accounts. They will pay household bills from the one joint account. All other money stays separate.

The other home can be sold and proceeds divided as they wish. Perhaps original owner keeps half and the other half is used to renovate the other home.

To be honest, a marriage to a 91 y.o. isn't going to last long. Don't complicate things. Make sure wills, POA, medical proxies, etc are all in place.

If they want to, they can do a public, non-legal commitment ceremony for family and friends.
I agree.

Every single one of the situations that I personally know regarding second marriages, late in life (one of the couple above age 80) resulted in huge disasters. Even with pre-nup agreements the adult children/grandchildren from one of the couple did not receive what their parent/grandparent intended them to receive after their death. And, there were other types of disasters, too, mostly involving serious health issues and long term care of their spouse.
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Old 01-04-2018, 07:02 AM
 
Location: Wisconsin
17,068 posts, read 17,395,218 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nightengale212 View Post
I think your mother needs to take her love blinders off because they are preventing her from seeing a very possible unpleasant future for her that all the love in the world will not lessen it's unpleasant impact. Aside from the financial concerns, does your mother realize that having a cohabitating committed relationship or marrying 91 year old who at best has only a few years of life left, when their health starts circling the drain heading towards the hereafter does she really want to in her mid 70s assume to role of caregiver to this man which may involve changing diapers, feeding, and tending to multiple other care needs ? Assuming this caregiver role is difficult enough for those who have had lengthy committed loving marriages and relationships, and for someone to take on this role with which in your mother's situation could come sooner rather than later with someone she has been in a relatively short intimate relationship with IMO is very foolish and could negatively impact her own health.

I think you need to bring to your mother's attention the issues that I have relayed, and if that dose of reality does not sway sway her to just continue and enjoy her less committed separate living and separate asset relationship all you can do is wish her and her beau a long, happy, and healthy life together.
I agree.
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Old 01-04-2018, 07:07 AM
 
Location: Tampa, FL
27,798 posts, read 26,239,955 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sassygirl18 View Post
Charlygirl...can you tell me why you said "are you joking?"

Do you mean about the age difference, or that they are considering marriage, or something else?
That joking comment wasn't needed. Thought your comment was sincere - these types of things come up in people's lives and they have no idea where to start in managing them.
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Old 01-04-2018, 07:08 AM
 
Location: Tampa, FL
27,798 posts, read 26,239,955 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by skycaller23 View Post
Here's my suggestion. No marriage. Sell both homes and then rent something together with each paying 1/2 rent.
At their ages they don't need to get married.
Hope that's what an atty tells them.
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Old 01-04-2018, 07:17 AM
 
Location: NJ
972 posts, read 2,423,115 times
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My mom is open to living together and also open to renting and I agree with you - that is the way they should go. Keep it simple and keep life flexible for the inevitable changes that will come. Mom's beau is less inclined toward renting, probably a generational thing, but he's coming around to the idea.
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Old 01-04-2018, 07:22 AM
 
11,482 posts, read 8,455,244 times
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Ditto on the elder lawyer.

Will she give up her right to your dad's RR pension if she marries again?

The women I know who were married a long time and get widow's benefits live in sin rather than marry.

Remember that ol admonition about old men looking for a nurse and/or a purse.

Selling a paid for house to pay rent makes no sense to me. Will their 250 and 150 combined less sales cost throw off enough dividend income to pay rent in anyplace they would live.

As I see it, your mom will probably give up a pension and a paid for house to marry. I am older than your mom. No way in hell would I do it.

Last edited by crone; 01-04-2018 at 07:34 AM..
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Old 01-04-2018, 08:13 AM
 
Location: Baltimore, MD
3,745 posts, read 4,222,880 times
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https://www.rrb.gov/NewsRoom/NewsRel...vor%20Benefits

If she remarries, Mother will forfeit the tier II railroad benefit but keep the tier I (Social Security) benefit.
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Old 01-04-2018, 08:15 AM
 
Location: Asheville NC
1,609 posts, read 1,317,213 times
Reputation: 4198
Seriously discourage marriage. I would suggest they keep their finances separate except for one new joint account that they contribute equally- or proportionately. They should rent a nice condo. That way they would not have to do yard work or outside maintenance. I believe your mom would lose her retirement if she remarried. Their wills should stay the same as now.
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Old 01-04-2018, 08:15 AM
 
Location: NYC
2,918 posts, read 1,594,641 times
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My friend, a widow in her late 70's, married a lively & healthy in-shape guy she knew for several years in his early 80's. 7-8 months later he has a stroke & she spends most of the next year taking him to hospitals, therapy, doctors, & finally arranging for caretakers for him so she can have some time for herself. She was feeling guilty that she didn't want to spend 24/7 as his caretaker but at the same time she was devastated for him, they had wanted to spend a few years traveling & socializing together. He lasts less than a year.

She is ultimately regretting her decision to marry, & feeling guilty about that too, since this was the second time she went through this ordeal but with much less chance for companionship this time. One of his adult children has major issues with her because he willed her his FL condo (the "kids" inherited a nice house in the NY suburbs & his $$). Some of the 3 adult children did very little to help him/her after his stroke, she says she's learned her lesson.
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