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Old 01-04-2018, 11:41 AM
 
Location: Raleigh
8,047 posts, read 5,897,376 times
Reputation: 9785

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Quote:
Originally Posted by crone View Post
There is a big sign to indicate i was kidding.<>
If it were my mom, I'd be making an appointment with an elder lawyer today.
All the points you made are good and important. My [sarc] detector seems to be frozen.
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Old 01-04-2018, 11:55 AM
 
Location: NJ
972 posts, read 2,422,023 times
Reputation: 1840
Thanks very much for all of your advice. I am passing all of your comments on to my mom and she is very grateful!
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Old 01-04-2018, 12:03 PM
 
13,914 posts, read 7,416,674 times
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There's also Medicaid-paid long term care planning to consider.
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Old 01-04-2018, 12:20 PM
 
Location: Wisconsin
17,053 posts, read 17,369,523 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by crone View Post
There is a big sign to indicate i was kidding. That was the term used when people lived together without the benefit of marriage for eons.

When my 70 yo aunt and her SO moved in together 10 years ago, aunts mom put her on the prayer list at her mom's church.

Or are you referring to the nurse or a purse comment. If it were my mom, I'd check it out. And I hope my kids would check it for me.

I'm fine with living together. I would not co mingle any money other than for utilities and groceries. And. if i moved to new quarters, I'd be sure my kids got whatever was in the family home that they wanted. We all know somebody who got hooked up with a sweet young thing who gave all the moms stuff to her kids when the dad passed. I even tried to put a sweet young thing clause in my will. The lawyer said i couldn't control him from the grave.

If it were my mom, I'd be making an appointment with an elder lawyer today.
Heck, it does not have to be a "sweet young thing" who gets rid of everything. I knew a couple that were both in their 80s when they got married (second marriages for both). The first thing that the new bride did was throw out or give to Good Will all the "old junk" that had belonged to the first wife or decorated the house. And, after her husband died she quickly threw out or gave to Good Will all of her new husband's "old junk". And, anything nice or of valuable she gave to her children and grandchildren (most had never even met her new husband).

She threw out many things that his adult children and adult/teen grandchildren would have cherished including all of the family photo albums (going back 50 plus years), special things from their childhood, the Christmas ornaments that they grew up with, etc. etc.
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Old 01-04-2018, 01:35 PM
 
11,454 posts, read 8,443,788 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by emm74 View Post
They need both an elder law attorney and a financial advisor. But they may be able to find one of the two, who can refer them to the other, as they will need to work closely together to make sure that legal, financial and tax ramifications are all being fully addressed.
We have an elder lawyer firm that takes care of all our legal needs. They are also networked with the kinds of things elders need, such a financial planner, etc. They have a lunch yearly so their clients can be updated on tax law changes and anything else that affects us. All their network fellows are there to keep us current on what they do and if anything changed during the year. We pay $190 a year and they will do any legal work we need done. Hope op can find that kind of firm.
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Old 01-04-2018, 02:08 PM
 
1,134 posts, read 618,257 times
Reputation: 1722
Make as few changes as possible and keep things simple. They could rent, not buy, a nice place together. A well-run senior community might be a great idea. Then rent out, not sell, both their houses. This would bring additional income plus they'd each still be growing their equity. Hire a reputable management company to oversee the rentals. Keep their current bank accounts separate but establish a joint account for everyday. Don't get married.
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Old 01-04-2018, 02:13 PM
 
Location: Surf City, NC
364 posts, read 553,294 times
Reputation: 946
Quote:
Originally Posted by germaine2626 View Post
She threw out many things that his adult children and adult/teen grandchildren would have cherished including all of the family photo albums (going back 50 plus years), special things from their childhood, the Christmas ornaments that they grew up with, etc. etc.
I have my doubts that those children and grandchildren would have seriously cherished those items. Sure, she should have given them the opportunity to take what they wanted, but my experience is the children and grandchildren seldom bother. The mementos are far more cherished in their absence. They can cherish their grievances.
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Old 01-04-2018, 02:27 PM
 
Location: Raleigh
8,047 posts, read 5,897,376 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Johanna25 View Post
I have my doubts that those children and grandchildren would have seriously cherished those items.<>
Sounds like our caregivers discussion, "Nobody wants your grandmother's carp." or something like that
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Old 01-04-2018, 04:20 PM
 
11,454 posts, read 8,443,788 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Crashj007 View Post
Sounds like our caregivers discussion, "Nobody wants your grandmother's carp." or something like that
There are things my kids want. Not that much.

A year after it all goes to the Salvation Army or a garage sale, it will become collectors items.
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Old 01-04-2018, 04:23 PM
 
4,750 posts, read 4,032,774 times
Reputation: 9952
She should not marry.
She should not comingle accounts, money, or assets.
Each should have a trusted child as POA.
Each should have will prepared or reviewed with this new situation in mind.

I would think what a marvelous time to sell the houses and distribute the "stuff". Then each keep a favorite chair or not and some framed photos & simplify belongings.....

Renting a furnished apartment/condo/townhouse would be terrific. That would mean no responsibility for repair and if either's health fails or one should die, it would be much, much, much simpler for survivoring partner.
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