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Old 01-04-2018, 04:37 PM
 
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I think if they get married, it is going to complicate things when one of them dies as far as their kids' inheritance. I would think that each of them would want what they have to go to their own kids, not lumped together and divided 12 ways. I vote for just living together and keeping their money separate. Sounds like they are both doing fine financially, so why not just live together and enjoy each other's company for as long as they can without combining their money?
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Old 01-04-2018, 07:33 PM
 
Location: Baltimore, MD
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I had a Great Uncle who married at 91. Divorced at 92. I have no idea if he was of sound mind when he married the lady.
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Old 01-04-2018, 07:34 PM
 
Location: Raleigh
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Quote:
Originally Posted by luzianne View Post
I think if they get married, it is going to complicate things when one of them dies<>so why not just live together and enjoy each other's company for as long as they can without combining their money?
Exactly the right approach. Just need to have a few legal and medical documents in place. Sell both houses and move into a combined elder care facility with maybe a nice cottage.
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Old 01-04-2018, 07:39 PM
 
Location: Fort Lauderdale, Florida
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I don't know why the number of children has been mentioned.

This is their money, not anyone elses.

If they want to get married, more power to them.

A pre-nup is a pretty easy thing to get.
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Old 01-04-2018, 09:29 PM
 
Location: Wisconsin
17,010 posts, read 17,327,635 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by germaine2626 View Post
Heck, it does not have to be a "sweet young thing" who gets rid of everything. I knew a couple that were both in their 80s when they got married (second marriages for both). The first thing that the new bride did was throw out or give to Good Will all the "old junk" that had belonged to the first wife or decorated the house. And, after her husband died she quickly threw out or gave to Good Will all of her new husband's "old junk". And, anything nice or of valuable she gave to her children and grandchildren (most had never even met her new husband).

She threw out many things that his adult children and adult/teen grandchildren would have cherished including all of the family photo albums (going back 50 plus years), special things from their childhood, the Christmas ornaments that they grew up with, etc. etc.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Johanna25 View Post
I have my doubts that those children and grandchildren would have seriously cherished those items. Sure, she should have given them the opportunity to take what they wanted, but my experience is the children and grandchildren seldom bother. The mementos are far more cherished in their absence. They can cherish their grievances.
Well, I disagree. I was there when his adult daughter (who lived out of state) discovered that all of the special things that she remembered from growing up were gone. Every present that she had given her parents was gone. Her mother's jewelry was all gone, even her wedding ring & engagement ring were gone. The adult daughter cried and cried.

I knew the oldest grandson very well. He mentioned his disappointment in not having a memento from his grandfather off and on for years. Perhaps, that was because he was quite sentimental and had a couple of pieces of furniture, special objects, a painting, etc. from his other set of grandparents (as well as things from his parents).

And, who throws out family photo albums without asking the family if someone wants them? Or the Christmas ornaments that the children & grandchildren made as children? Of course, the new husband should have stepped in (when he was alive) but he seemed to be totally clueless about what his new wife was doing.

I am not saying that the new wife should have saved everything or that the children or grandchildren would want everything but they basically received nothing (unless they had been given it before their father/grandfather remarried).

To add insult to injury, even though the new wife received all of the money that was left in her new husband's accounts plus his paid off house she refused to pay for his funeral so his adult children had that expense. It was a real mess all around.

Last edited by germaine2626; 01-04-2018 at 09:42 PM..
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Old 01-05-2018, 06:44 AM
 
11,426 posts, read 8,428,542 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by germaine2626 View Post
Well, I disagree. I was there when his adult daughter (who lived out of state) discovered that all of the special things that she remembered from growing up were gone. Every present that she had given her parents was gone. Her mother's jewelry was all gone, even her wedding ring & engagement ring were gone. The adult daughter cried and cried.

I knew the oldest grandson very well. He mentioned his disappointment in not having a memento from his grandfather off and on for years. Perhaps, that was because he was quite sentimental and had a couple of pieces of furniture, special objects, a painting, etc. from his other set of grandparents (as well as things from his parents).

And, who throws out family photo albums without asking the family if someone wants them? Or the Christmas ornaments that the children & grandchildren made as children? Of course, the new husband should have stepped in (when he was alive) but he seemed to be totally clueless about what his new wife was doing.

I am not saying that the new wife should have saved everything or that the children or grandchildren would want everything but they basically received nothing (unless they had been given it before their father/grandfather remarried).

To add insult to injury, even though the new wife received all of the money that was left in her new husband's accounts plus his paid off house she refused to pay for his funeral so his adult children had that expense. It was a real mess all around.
I agree. We have all seen it happen enough times to be wary. It is especially sad when new wife gets the husband to sign papers while on his deathbed to disinherit his own kid.

It is a good thing that this couple has found each other. The 60s taught us there is more to relationships and happiness than a marriage license.
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Old 01-05-2018, 06:56 AM
 
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I am pretty sure that, if they get married, she would loose the railroad retirement benefit and I think that that is a pretty good income.
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Old 01-05-2018, 09:07 AM
 
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They should go see a financial planner that specializes in Seniors. I would hate to see her lose her RR pension and SS....and they both be forced to live on the man's SS.
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Old 01-05-2018, 12:19 PM
 
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I am no expert, but a good Elder Attorney like many said in the comments above sounds like a good idea.

However, somebody said something about "finances" and I at first misread it to read, "fiances" so that got me to thinking. Maybe your mother and her beau are of an age or generation where they don't know how to introduce each other. They loathe the term "boyfriend" "girlfriend" "sweetie" or etc. So why not just get engaged and never bother to marry? That way they can introduce each other as "fiance" and it sounds respectable without having to co-mingle all the finances and suffer the consequences of pensions, etc.
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Old 01-05-2018, 12:59 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nightengale212 View Post
I think your mother needs to take her love blinders off because they are preventing her from seeing a very possible unpleasant future for her that all the love in the world will not lessen it's unpleasant impact. Aside from the financial concerns, does your mother realize that having a cohabitating committed relationship or marrying 91 year old who at best has only a few years of life left, when their health starts circling the drain heading towards the hereafter does she really want to in her mid 70s assume to role of caregiver to this man which may involve changing diapers, feeding, and tending to multiple other care needs ? Assuming this caregiver role is difficult enough for those who have had lengthy committed loving marriages and relationships, and for someone to take on this role with which in your mother's situation could come sooner rather than later with someone she has been in a relatively short intimate relationship with IMO is very foolish and could negatively impact her own health.

I think you need to bring to your mother's attention the issues that I have relayed, and if that dose of reality does not sway sway her to just continue and enjoy her less committed separate living and separate asset relationship all you can do is wish her and her beau a long, happy, and healthy life together.
This is so true. Same thing happened to my husband's aunt only without the large age difference. He recently had a stroke and now is very verbally abusive to her. Her life is miserable and she has her own health issues to deal with.
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