U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Retirement
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 01-05-2018, 09:51 AM
 
29,779 posts, read 34,867,277 times
Reputation: 11705

Advertisements

Reality is if close long time friends there will come a day of joint reckoning when you are both retired and having different lifestyles. If you have discussed they will understand if not they will wonder why/how.
Been there living that.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 01-05-2018, 09:51 AM
 
Location: New Oxford, PA
120 posts, read 59,132 times
Reputation: 464
Quote:
Originally Posted by emm74 View Post
It recently came up in conversations with a couple of people I know (I know them separately, I don't mean they are a couple) that neither of them is saving anything at all for retirement. Nada, zilch, zero. They are both around 50, working full time, career type jobs but for different reasons, neither is saving anything at all. They both rent, so they won't have the fall back of a paid off home to live in. One of them seems to have a small employer funded 401k, so that's at best a few percent of salary, the other one I know for sure doesn't contribute at all and there is no employer contribution, so they truly have absolutely nothing saved for retirement.

I know the best answer is to keep my mouth shut, but would you say anything at all, maybe point them to some really, really basic budgeting and saving information? If you would say anything, do you have an specific websites or books you'd suggest?

At this point, I'm thinking I wouldn't initiate a conversation but if the subject came up again, I might say something like "I have some resources I could suggest if you wanted to take a look". But then again, it might fall on deaf ears given that the answer to "what do you plan to live on in retirement" was basically a shrug.
I'd say leave it alone. Everyone is on their own path. I knew that my pension would be waiting for me, so I enjoyed all the money I earned during my career, and never gave a thought to savings. Now, when I get my pension check, I pay all the bills for the month, and enjoy the rest. Life is for living.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-05-2018, 09:54 AM
 
Location: NE Mississippi
13,660 posts, read 8,577,038 times
Reputation: 19865
Quote:
Originally Posted by emm74 View Post
It recently came up in conversations with a couple of people I know (I know them separately, I don't mean they are a couple) that neither of them is saving anything at all for retirement. Nada, zilch, zero. They are both around 50, working full time, career type jobs but for different reasons, neither is saving anything at all. They both rent, so they won't have the fall back of a paid off home to live in. One of them seems to have a small employer funded 401k, so that's at best a few percent of salary, the other one I know for sure doesn't contribute at all and there is no employer contribution, so they truly have absolutely nothing saved for retirement.

I know the best answer is to keep my mouth shut, but would you say anything at all, maybe point them to some really, really basic budgeting and saving information? If you would say anything, do you have an specific websites or books you'd suggest?

At this point, I'm thinking I wouldn't initiate a conversation but if the subject came up again, I might say something like "I have some resources I could suggest if you wanted to take a look". But then again, it might fall on deaf ears given that the answer to "what do you plan to live on in retirement" was basically a shrug.
Good question; good post.

Our situation is with a daughter. She and her husband (age 50-ish) live like trust fund kids. They spend money like there is no future and almost all of their spending is done in an attempt to amuse themselves.

We suspect they have taken out a second mortgage to finance their silliness; last year they bought a huge pickup because they got a one-time write off, but that was necessary because they hadn't saved enough to pay the taxes they owed.... ; 3 years ago she was on the phone to us in tears because she didn't have the money to get our grandson out of jail. - $2000; they live in a 350,000 home; it goes on..........

Talk to them? No. Can't be done.
I think at some level they are counting on our being dead before the stuff hits the fan. She's going to be a little surprised if that happens. Her inheritance will be coming in monthly allotments and those will begin after she is 66 I think that is the kindest thing we can do for her.

We have one grandson who shows promise, another who may mature in time, and another daughter with her head securely attached.
I think it's genetic. I'm sure it is with me.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-05-2018, 10:08 AM
 
4,451 posts, read 7,201,495 times
Reputation: 13353
I think it's about the approach, IF you're going to approach.

I always start, MUST always start, with "I'm asking because I care what happens to you". I hate seeing people suffer due to something that was preventable.

Then move to something along the lines of "are you not saving Intentionally, or is it just something you've back-burnered/never gotten to", followed with an "I'm asking cause I'd hate to see you as a Walmart Greeter in your 80's".

Some people make that decision. Let them be.

Some people just neglect it even knowing that it's important, offer Them the "I have some resources if you'd like to start", or simply give them the resource.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-05-2018, 10:13 AM
 
Location: Denver CO
21,177 posts, read 11,780,372 times
Reputation: 32183
Quote:
Originally Posted by Listener2307 View Post
Good question; good post.

Our situation is with a daughter. She and her husband (age 50-ish) live like trust fund kids. They spend money like there is no future and almost all of their spending is done in an attempt to amuse themselves.

We suspect they have taken out a second mortgage to finance their silliness; last year they bought a huge pickup because they got a one-time write off, but that was necessary because they hadn't saved enough to pay the taxes they owed.... ; 3 years ago she was on the phone to us in tears because she didn't have the money to get our grandson out of jail. - $2000; they live in a 350,000 home; it goes on..........

Talk to them? No. Can't be done.
I think at some level they are counting on our being dead before the stuff hits the fan. She's going to be a little surprised if that happens. Her inheritance will be coming in monthly allotments and those will begin after she is 66 I think that is the kindest thing we can do for her.

We have one grandson who shows promise, another who may mature in time, and another daughter with her head securely attached.
I think it's genetic. I'm sure it is with me.
That's a tough one - children are definitely different than a friend. It sounds like you are well to do enough that she's expecting an inheritance.

Personally, I think you should let her know how you have things structured and that while you intend to leave her money, it will be monthly payments starting at age 66. I am not trying to argue or disagree with you about how you are doing things, but you could be setting her up for disaster if she thinks she's getting a (large-ish) lump sum to do what she wants with - although of course you could still be here when she turns 66, so hopefully she's not *completely* counting on that money!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-05-2018, 10:17 AM
 
7,921 posts, read 5,037,155 times
Reputation: 13576
I used to be a nagging moralist, excoriating the deficient for their poor behavior and lack of planning. Now I’m becoming more mellow… less from a live-and-let-live detachment, or from a humble attention to personal foibles before assaying with judgment of others, but from seeing so many cases, where the assiduous planners still manage to fail, and the oblivious bumblers somehow manage to succeed. More and more, I’m amazed how obese chain-smoking couch-potatoes eventually die of Alzheimer’s at age 90, while marathon-running sugar-busting boneless-chicken teetotalers die of cancer at 40. It’s almost as if there’s a sardonically manipulative preternatural leveling-force, that dumbs-down the brilliant and sharpens the dull, that upsets the planners and lifts up the hapless. This is not, of course, a call to live exclusively for the moment, disregarding entirely the future. But it is a realization, that we have less control over our lives than we think, whether in terms of improving ourselves, or in screwing up.

Just remember what happened to Oedipus and Jocasta.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-05-2018, 10:18 AM
 
Location: Denver CO
21,177 posts, read 11,780,372 times
Reputation: 32183
Quote:
Originally Posted by Brian_M View Post
I think it's about the approach, IF you're going to approach.

I always start, MUST always start, with "I'm asking because I care what happens to you". I hate seeing people suffer due to something that was preventable.

Then move to something along the lines of "are you not saving Intentionally, or is it just something you've back-burnered/never gotten to", followed with an "I'm asking cause I'd hate to see you as a Walmart Greeter in your 80's".

Some people make that decision. Let them be.

Some people just neglect it even knowing that it's important, offer Them the "I have some resources if you'd like to start", or simply give them the resource.
No, I would not plan to approach either of them about it by initiating a conversation, it was more about responding if the subject came up again.

Realistically speaking, I know that my saying anything won't be telling them anything they don't know, but I still can't stop wishing that I could somehow shout something at the last minute right before a car wreck and change things.

Unfortunately, I don't think being a Walmart Greeter would make a difference though - unless they were able to relocate somewhere significantly less expensive and/or really get things in place in terms of getting subsidized housing and other support services, I honestly think they both legitimately are at risk for homelessness. We don't have the degree of friendship that I think they are going to ask to live with me, so this isn't from the perspective of self-preservation, but I still wouldn't want to see someone I'm friends with homeless.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-05-2018, 10:21 AM
 
381 posts, read 352,562 times
Reputation: 1984
emm74 - You cannot do a thing about their spending habits. I also have 65 year old friends who are still working. They have not saved and do not intend to. They feel they will never have to retire and will never become ill and when they do, their one daughter will put her life on hold to care for them. I no longer discuss anything financial. Let it go.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-05-2018, 10:22 AM
 
Location: Midwest
4,259 posts, read 7,147,636 times
Reputation: 7170
Quote:
Originally Posted by emm74 View Post
It recently came up in conversations with a couple of people I know (I know them separately, I don't mean they are a couple) that neither of them is saving anything at all for retirement. Nada, zilch, zero. They are both around 50, working full time, career type jobs but for different reasons, neither is saving anything at all. They both rent, so they won't have the fall back of a paid off home to live in. One of them seems to have a small employer funded 401k, so that's at best a few percent of salary, the other one I know for sure doesn't contribute at all and there is no employer contribution, so they truly have absolutely nothing saved for retirement.

I know the best answer is to keep my mouth shut, but would you say anything at all, maybe point them to some really, really basic budgeting and saving information? If you would say anything, do you have an specific websites or books you'd suggest?

At this point, I'm thinking I wouldn't initiate a conversation but if the subject came up again, I might say something like "I have some resources I could suggest if you wanted to take a look". But then again, it might fall on deaf ears given that the answer to "what do you plan to live on in retirement" was basically a shrug.
Keep-a you-a mouth-a shut-a. You'll be glad you did.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-05-2018, 10:32 AM
 
Location: next up where ever I go
588 posts, read 344,665 times
Reputation: 2087
Quote:
Originally Posted by ohio_peasant View Post
I used to be a nagging moralist, excoriating the deficient for their poor behavior and lack of planning. Now Iím becoming more mellowÖ less from a live-and-let-live detachment, or from a humble attention to personal foibles before assaying with judgment of others, but from seeing so many cases, where the assiduous planners still manage to fail, and the oblivious bumblers somehow manage to succeed. More and more, Iím amazed how obese chain-smoking couch-potatoes eventually die of Alzheimerís at age 90, while marathon-running sugar-busting boneless-chicken teetotalers die of cancer at 40. Itís almost as if thereís a sardonically manipulative preternatural leveling-force, that dumbs-down the brilliant and sharpens the dull, that upsets the planners and lifts up the hapless. This is not, of course, a call to live exclusively for the moment, disregarding entirely the future. But it is a realization, that we have less control over our lives than we think, whether in terms of improving ourselves, or in screwing up.

Just remember what happened to Oedipus and Jocasta.
Amen to that brother!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Retirement
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top