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Old 01-05-2018, 10:37 AM
Location: USA
1,815 posts, read 2,242,275 times
Reputation: 4139


Originally Posted by Lastfire View Post
emm74 - You cannot do a thing about their spending habits. I also have 65 year old friends who are still working. They have not saved and do not intend to. They feel they will never have to retire and will never become ill and when they do, their one daughter will put her life on hold to care for them. I no longer discuss anything financial. Let it go.


I have a friend who is way over 50, lives for today, and moans and groans about the fact she will never get to retire, yet she doesn't even have a savings account, let alone a company 401K or anything else.

She knows I am all set up to retire way early and I know she is a jealous and probably a little resentful. When I tried to talk to her about these things when we were in our late 30's, she said she wasn't interested. She intended to enjoy life and do absolutely everything she wanted (which included blowing a $250,000 inheritance in 17 months).

Save your breath OP
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Old 01-05-2018, 10:40 AM
Location: Coastal New Jersey
56,012 posts, read 54,523,130 times
Reputation: 66358
I have two brothers in this situation.

My youngest brother is 48. He had a retail job, never saved any money, and then a few years ago his spine began to deteriorate. He can't sit up for more than an hour, and he is in constant pain. Applied for disability but they told him to maybe try again when he is 50.

My mother is 89. That brother and the next one up, 51, were both living with her after their respective relationships ended. This bro has a lot less going intellectually, but he was always a very hard worker, saved what he could, and always told us that he would make sure the youngest has a place to live when our mother is gone. But he just spent Christmas in the hospital with what has turned out to be heart failure. He has a bad heart muscle and can no longer work. The little money he had saved will be snatched up by medical bills. (He had insurance, but of course it won't cover everything.)

So, the other four of us still-living siblings (our older brother died in 2006) may have to face the issue of how to keep our brothers from having to live under a bridge someday. One sister already has suffered a stroke that wiped out her savings, but she and her S.O. live close to self-sufficiency, so she survives on a tiny SS payment. They have a freezer full of game and frozen and canned produce that they grew themselves and their little house is heated with a wood stove.

I could never have either one of my brothers living with me, but I foresee having to contribute to their survival someday.
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Old 01-05-2018, 10:41 AM
Location: Paranoid State
13,047 posts, read 10,431,986 times
Reputation: 15678
Get new friends. The friends who never learned the lessons of the parable of the 3 Little Pigs do not possess good judgment. They do not possess good decision making skills.
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Old 01-05-2018, 10:41 AM
Location: Wisconsin
17,018 posts, read 17,335,191 times
Reputation: 41298
Originally Posted by TuborgP View Post
Reality is if close long time friends there will come a day of joint reckoning when you are both retired and having different lifestyles. If you have discussed they will understand if not they will wonder why/how.
Been there living that.
The only thing that I might do, if I were you, is mention some of my retirement plans such as "I am really looking forward to taking a few international vacations with my best friends when I retire" or " I am looking forward being able to try out new restaurants or go to more Broadway shows (or whatever) with my friends" or "I plan to join the country club so I can golf many times per week. Doesn't that sound like fun? Do you want to be part of a regular four-some? "
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Old 01-05-2018, 10:46 AM
4,448 posts, read 7,192,320 times
Reputation: 13343
Originally Posted by emm74 View Post
...but I still can't stop wishing that I could somehow shout something at the last minute right before a car wreck and change things.
That's a very descriptive, and concise, way to phrasing it. And I know the feeling well... no one ever listens, but I have all the negative reputation for trying to help. *shrug* Looks like proof from both sides that people are who they are..
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Old 01-05-2018, 10:52 AM
1,257 posts, read 287,773 times
Reputation: 1510
So ... are the people who can but don't save for retirement going to be the people blogging about "retirement inequality" 10-15 years down the road?
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Old 01-05-2018, 10:57 AM
Location: garland
1,595 posts, read 1,710,590 times
Reputation: 1987
Maybe they just plan on pulling a Thelma and Louise and driving off into a canyon. It's their choice.
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Old 01-05-2018, 10:59 AM
Location: Baltimore, MD
3,745 posts, read 4,215,210 times
Reputation: 6866
OP, you wrote "They are both around 50, working full time, career type jobs but for different reasons, neither is saving anything at all." So what were their reasons?
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Old 01-05-2018, 11:00 AM
Location: Southern California
23,668 posts, read 8,235,451 times
Reputation: 15440
I can still hear my mother saying "save your money" and I finally woke up in my late 40's or so...didn't save LOTS but thank goodness I woke up....or I'd really be in trouble more than I am now..small pension, social security, some savings and live simply. So many outlive their money, my parents were at that point. When I think of the wasted money spent, good grief. So so so much we don't NEED. If these are good friends, can't hurt to somehow mention all this.
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Old 01-05-2018, 11:01 AM
Location: Tampa, FL
27,798 posts, read 26,200,766 times
Reputation: 14611
Originally Posted by marino760 View Post
I'd mind my own business.
Agree - some can resent that you feel they should live their lives a certain way - we all make our own decisions. I retired 13 yrs before my older sibling (early) and try not to bring up the subject of my retirement or what I'm doing while he's still stuck at work. My own business. Don't want to come across as gloating.
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