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Old 01-05-2018, 11:11 AM
 
Location: Denver CO
24,204 posts, read 19,076,035 times
Reputation: 38266

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Quote:
Originally Posted by lenora View Post
OP, you wrote "They are both around 50, working full time, career type jobs but for different reasons, neither is saving anything at all." So what were their reasons?
One is a spender and lives paycheck to paycheck. She's the more frustrating one because she COULD save, at least something, if she tried.

The other frets more about money but has faced a combination of bad luck and bad choices and is paying down debt that unfortunately never seems to go away.

Quote:
Originally Posted by BucFan View Post
Agree - some can resent that you feel they should live their lives a certain way - we all make our own decisions. I retired 13 yrs before my older sibling (early) and try not to bring up the subject of my retirement or what I'm doing while he's still stuck at work. My own business. Don't want to come across as gloating.
My planning does not call for early retirement, so at least there isn't that dynamic. I hope to work to 70 at my current job, because I genuinely enjoy it (most of the time, at least! lol!)

Obviously things could change for many reasons, but my FRA is 67 and I would like to work until then at the very earliest. I'm 55, so still a long time away to start worrying about those specifics. I'm also likely to receive enough of an inheritance that would make things easier to retire on the earlier side of my desired range.
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Old 01-05-2018, 11:21 AM
 
15,633 posts, read 26,151,738 times
Reputation: 30917
Quote:
Originally Posted by Stockyman View Post
Unfortunately does this mean you will have to help out your friends who neglected to save from time to time?

IRL, do you posters who have done well or sacrificed just keep on helping close family and friends who never thought about the future? Or do you just cut ties with those asking for handouts?
Yes. I would help out family and friends, however, handouts are out. I cut ties with a couple who borrowed a small sum of money, $750. After I saved their electric and water, with her first paycheck, she bought a Coach bag and shoes.

We were invited to their house for a barbecue about six months after this incident which we decided to forgive as repayment came 20 dollars here and there, and that’s where I discovered everyone there had given them money, and a number of them gave them lots of money, tens of thousands of dollars. The people there started comparing notes, and we left before the fight.

So, if my nephew needs money, I have things that need done and I’m willing to pay them a fair amount. If I friend needs help I will give what I can, help not money. But I’ve learned that axiom — your lack of planning does not constitute an emergency on my part.
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Old 01-05-2018, 11:28 AM
 
Location: Wonderland
67,652 posts, read 60,413,515 times
Reputation: 101031
Quote:
Originally Posted by Stockyman View Post
Unfortunately does this mean you will have to help out your friends who neglected to save from time to time?

IRL, do you posters who have done well or sacrificed just keep on helping close family and friends who never thought about the future? Or do you just cut ties with those asking for handouts?
I don't give handouts. That doesn't mean I cut ties, but I don't give handouts. With good boundaries in place, you can actually have a relationship with someone without necessarily subsidizing their lifestyle.
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Old 01-05-2018, 11:33 AM
 
Location: Wonderland
67,652 posts, read 60,413,515 times
Reputation: 101031
Quote:
Originally Posted by eliza61nyc View Post
So I will probably always help my family because I've been in financial and emotional difficulties a time or two.

My first house caught on fire when I was out of work. my brother GAVE ME 25K without me asking and never once asked me to pay him back. When my husband died, I had a really hard time moving forward, he was the love of my life and his death rocked my world. Even though I actually had the resources I simply could not get out of bed. thank god for my best friend, she paid my sons college tuition (he was a freshman at the University of Cincinnati) and covered my mortgage. once again never mentioned it to me, I found out when I finally called PNC to find out what type of hole I had dug.

So yes, I do not considering my family as asking for "handouts".
But these are isolated instances - not a lifestyle situation. I don't consider helping ANYONE, including but not limited to family, in isolated instances, a "handout." I consider these sorts of situations emergencies, something that's not typical of them, a situation that was out of their control for the time being. That's not what the OP is talking about.

I have a brother who had a mental breakdown. I jumped in and helped him get his life straightened out, get on a path to recovery, etc and this was at great personal cost. Now - it's up to him. He has the resources, he has the treatment he needs - but he needs to have a part time job. He can have a part time job and still keep his disability. His therapist and treatment team recommend that he gets a part time job. But he has never enjoyed working, and doesn't want to work. So consequently, he is on a very limited budget.

Now he wants to move - but hey, guess what - this takes money. That's on him, not me. See the difference? Crisis situation - I'll help. Ongoing lifestyle choices that others expect me to subsidize? Nope.

By the way - see above post: I have a pretty close relationship with my brother but he knows not to ask me for money. And every time he starts complaining about not having any money (which is less and less often because he's tired of my response) I just say, "Wow, sounds to me like you need to get a part time job." After hearing me say that every time, he finally quit moaning about being broke all the time. When he says stuff like, "I'd like to visit but - sigh - I just don't have the money," I say, "Well, we sure will miss you!" and that's it.

What he doesn't seem to realize is that if he WAS working part time, I would be much more inclined to be generous.
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Old 01-05-2018, 11:48 AM
 
Location: East of Seattle since 1992, 615' Elevation, Zone 8b - originally from SF Bay Area
44,227 posts, read 80,425,063 times
Reputation: 57140
I would stay put of it completely. At that age it's not likely they could save enough to be retire comfortably in just 15 or so years anyway, but you really don't know what they have in mind. They might be expecting a large inheritance, plan to move to another country, or maybe just to keep working until they are physically unable.
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Old 01-05-2018, 11:53 AM
 
Location: Denver CO
24,204 posts, read 19,076,035 times
Reputation: 38266
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hemlock140 View Post
I would stay put of it completely. At that age it's not likely they could save enough to be retire comfortably in just 15 or so years anyway, but you really don't know what they have in mind. They might be expecting a large inheritance, plan to move to another country, or maybe just to keep working until they are physically unable.
We discussed it enough that I know neither has any expectation of receiving any inheritance. As I said, the response to the (more gently) expressed question of what they expected to live on was pretty much a shrug. So yeah, I guess working until they drop, I suppose.
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Old 01-05-2018, 12:12 PM
 
2,757 posts, read 2,214,859 times
Reputation: 5575
Quote:
Originally Posted by marino760 View Post
I'd mind my own business.
But this can affect you in the future if your close friends from elementary school is sick, down on their luck, about to be evicted and can't afford medicine. No kids to turn to, what do you do?

'Sorry, you should have thought more carefully about your future. We can still be friends but I'm not helping because you were careless.'
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Old 01-05-2018, 12:20 PM
 
Location: Philadelphia/South Jersey area
3,677 posts, read 2,544,896 times
Reputation: 12467
Quote:
Originally Posted by Stockyman View Post
But this can affect you in the future if your close friends from elementary school is sick, down on their luck, about to be evicted and can't afford medicine. No kids to turn to, what do you do?

'Sorry, you should have thought more carefully about your future. We can still be friends but I'm not helping because you were careless.'
I think you know some one. like my previous post, my elementary friends I would darn near give a kidney too but I'm 58, that's over 50 years of knowing someone. so I would have probably jumped in before they got to the point.

I have 4 good friends, we;ve been friends through school, marriages, divorces, loss of children, loss of spouses, cancer. so if I had an inkling that they were on the road to being evicted I'd probably step up way before that point.
like I said, I've hit rough patches in my life and these women were there for me.

can't afford medicine, yes I would step in but once again if these women are my close friends I'm stepping in to find out what's wrong with them, not just hand them money for medicine.
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Old 01-05-2018, 12:26 PM
 
Location: northern New England
5,426 posts, read 3,986,633 times
Reputation: 21248
"Hey, at least I can see you when I go shopping at Walmart!"

It just blows my mind that people don't save for retirement. I have been saving all my life, it was one of the values instilled in me at a young age. Got some money? Save some of it. With the exception of a couple of years when I wiped out my savings paying college tuition, I have always had money in savings. And I was lucky enough to marry someone who felt the same way.

Also blows my mind that people don't have ANY money in savings. I was selling something online, about $200, and I got the "Can you hold it til Friday when I get paid?" I thought, but didn't say, if you don't even have $200 in savings you probably shouldn't be blowing it on this (totally unnecessary) item I was selling. And of course Friday came and went, no payment.
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Old 01-05-2018, 12:45 PM
 
Location: We_tside PNW (Columbia Gorge) / CO / SA TX / Thailand
34,633 posts, read 57,651,190 times
Reputation: 46069
What (if anything) do you say to friends who aren't saving for retirement?

I would say CONGRATULATIONS!!! and what I wish someone had told me at age 15...

No need to SAVE for retirement !
(chasing rainbows..., may die tomorrow)

1) Replace your 'wage income' with an inflation protected cash flow The sooner the better! (age 30 would have been very possible, very smart, and led to potentially 70 yrs of 'enjoying retirement')


There are many ways to do this (far more today than 40 yrs ago!!!) online / apps / Angel investing...

The more 'conventional' means = Investment Real Estate / business / franchise ownership / collectables / equity trading (till you meet 'Critical Mass')

Last edited by StealthRabbit; 01-05-2018 at 12:55 PM..
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