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Old 01-08-2018, 07:38 AM
 
10,361 posts, read 9,388,551 times
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Most of the retired gals in my group have sufficient funds to enjoy dining at expensive restaurants, take trips, and attend other functions that require money.

I've been invited numerous times but they stopped asking once I explained that unfortunately I don't have the funds. Have suggested lower priced restaurants, etc., but they prefer the higher end eating establishments.

Thankfully the friend I spend the most time with is in the same boat as me financially.

I was starting to wonder why I was lacking in funds and they weren't until one of the gals shared that all of them had homes they sold for huge profits; have received substantial life insurance payouts and are also receiving pensions from their late husbands; along with social security. I'm happy for them having those resources.
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Old 01-08-2018, 08:00 AM
 
Location: Wisconsin
17,060 posts, read 17,376,569 times
Reputation: 41514
Quote:
Originally Posted by katie45 View Post
Most of the retired gals in my group have sufficient funds to enjoy dining at expensive restaurants, take trips, and attend other functions that require money.

I've been invited numerous times but they stopped asking once I explained that unfortunately I don't have the funds. Have suggested lower priced restaurants, etc., but they prefer the higher end eating establishments.

Thankfully the friend I spend the most time with is in the same boat as me financially.

I was starting to wonder why I was lacking in funds and they weren't until one of the gals shared that all of them had homes they sold for huge profits; have received substantial life insurance payouts and are also receiving pensions from their late husbands; along with social security. I'm happy for them having those resources.
One of my best friends was single her entire life and she is having the same type of problems with her retired sisters. They are all married with husbands who had/have extremely, extremely good jobs. In fact, two of her sisters, who worked full time were able to save their whole paychecks for their entire careers just for retirement. My friend obviously had to spend her paychecks on "useless" things like food, bills and mortgage payments so has very little extra in retirement funds. Her sisters just "don't get it" that my friend does not have the money to take long international vacations with them or eat at expensive restaurants all the time.
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Old 01-08-2018, 08:11 AM
 
2,215 posts, read 744,140 times
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I would tell them ahead of time that you're retired now and on a budget, that you can't afford to spend too much.
Maybe it might have been "socially rude" 50 years ago but it's not today.
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Old 01-08-2018, 08:27 AM
 
Location: Houston area
762 posts, read 810,380 times
Reputation: 1742
Maybe you can tell them an unexpected expense came up and you can't afford to meet this this time.
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Old 01-08-2018, 08:30 AM
 
Location: Loudon, TN
5,790 posts, read 4,843,885 times
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I think it's perfectly acceptable to be upfront with your friend and say that things are a bit tight this month, and you're wondering if they were planning to come right back after going to whatever it is you're doing. You could also just say that you need to be back by x o'clock for some reason and need to know what their plans are after the thing you're doing. A good friend wouldn't think anything of it.
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Old 01-08-2018, 08:36 AM
 
16,019 posts, read 19,698,244 times
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No, you should do as you planned. Your friends reaction was a bit overboard imo. In fact, so overboard that you might want to look for a new confidant who is supportive.

I think telling your two friends that you simply hadn't budgeted for the extra activities is fine.

Telling them that you'll join them for the original activity, then you'll look forward to their reports about the remaining activity is totally acceptable.
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Old 01-08-2018, 08:43 AM
 
365 posts, read 126,273 times
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Thank you everyone, I think I feel confident enough to explain to them about the extra activities. I didn't mean to cancel the entire trip just the extra outings. We aren't driving together so it shouldn't be any issue if they want to stay there and I come back earlier.

I've just recently retired and this is the first time I've had to deal with a financial issue like this on a limited budget. But even when I was working I didn't like spending money on certain things.

This small incident is teaching me that maybe I need to avoid friends in a higher economic bracket than me. Fortunately most of my friends are in my bracket. In the past I've only done lunch with this higher-income person so her inviting me for a day outing is out of the norm.
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Old 01-08-2018, 08:53 AM
 
16,019 posts, read 19,698,244 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by smt1111 View Post
It hasn't been determined yet what else they're planning to do. So far, all that's happened is that I was invited to go along; I said yes but the plans were loose at that point. Now, a few days before the outing, I need to call the person to firm up the plans and started thinking "what if they ask me when we're up there to go to a show, get dinner, maybe see another museum." I didn't think of this IN ADVANCE, that's why I'm in a bind. I agreed to going up there without thinking of all of the ramifications. I'm not a fast thinker and I'm not socially adept with people who are in a higher economic bracket than me. Most of my friends have been in my bracket or lower income.

I'm planning to discuss this today with the person but wanted to run it past the forum to see what the suggestions were. I'm NOT looking for ideas how to participate in these activities--I'm asking how to GET OUT OF participating in them.
Hmm. That does make it a bit more difficult. So, you are worrying about what ifs....not about what has actually been decided.

I guess then perhaps you should simply bail on going along if it has you so concerned.

As I see it, you have only two options. If you cannot afford to go to another museum, or have a meal if that occurs....perhaps you should rethink trips out of town where impromptu expenses likely will occur.

It will save your feeling like the party pooper or that you are holding them back when you are there on this trip.

Or, you could look at it as you've already expended the travel expenses, what's the difference in another 100 bucks....dinner you could do a salad, no clue what City you are visiting so you know better how much more a show or museum will be.

Perhaps start limiting your social expenses to local excursions, lunches, at home parties and such.

ETA OP, I see that you've already decided what you'll do. I think things will work out, it is simply a new transition in your life. Have fun on your outing and update us.
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Old 01-08-2018, 09:11 AM
 
Location: Central IL
15,253 posts, read 8,543,297 times
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I know it is hard to feel stretched when out with other people. If the price points are right you don't really care what you're doing - you're just enjoying the company...but if everything seems over your budget you may feel you are overspending and not even enjoying what you're doing. And people with money seem to be more spontaneous about adding activities on...why not, right?

Sometimes if the group is large enough you may be able to inquire and find at least one other person who'd rather stroll through a park that's next to the museum everyone else wants to go to or to hang at a coffee shop, etc.

Otherwise, if you're all traveling separately I don't see why it would be a big deal to say you'll have to excuse yourself after a certain activity because you have another engagement - some will understand and get the hint, the others...oh well.
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Old 01-08-2018, 09:54 AM
 
5,451 posts, read 2,836,728 times
Reputation: 10225
It is not rude to clarify what activities you will participate in.

It would be rude to go and then drop hints that you can’t afford them.

It would be rude to keep mentioning your economic status. Once (for each group or friend asking) is enough.

You can ask what they want to do, state which things you will do, and then say that is enough for you but they should go ahead with the rest of their plans. Unless you do this in a passive-aggressive manner, there is nothing rude about it. Just don’t play martyr or Poor Me.
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