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Old 01-08-2018, 10:09 AM
 
Location: the Old Dominion
294 posts, read 148,915 times
Reputation: 1382

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Quote:
Originally Posted by mathjak107 View Post
our friends all have income all over the place . we always plan around the lowest earners if we go out
And I bet you are discreet about it.
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Old 01-08-2018, 10:15 AM
 
Location: Lakewood OH
21,699 posts, read 23,651,778 times
Reputation: 35449
Quote:
Originally Posted by Whyrallnamestaken View Post
Maybe you can tell them an unexpected expense came up and you can't afford to meet this this time.
What about the next time? And the next? If she is not truthful now, they will keep inviting her and she will have to keep making excuses. Pretty soon they may stop asking her thinking she doesnít want to be with them. Lying is never a good idea.
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Old 01-08-2018, 10:21 AM
 
10,058 posts, read 4,651,831 times
Reputation: 15280
Not retired, but when we invite people, we generally take turns covering each other. IE I want to spend time with you, so I cover your costs because I get the benefit of your company.

If I can't afford a night out, I invite them over for a dinner at home.

We all do this so no one really holds the short straw, if the same person always invites us out, we know they can afford it and they know they don't have to. For whatever reason, it's easier for them to make $500 than it is to spend a night hosting a dinner at home.

If it is just winding down for a drink, we buy our own since we would buy it regardless of if they were there or not
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Old 01-08-2018, 11:06 AM
 
Location: Philadelphia/South Jersey area
2,870 posts, read 1,400,541 times
Reputation: 10071
Quote:
Originally Posted by smt1111 View Post
e spending money on certain things.

This small incident is teaching me that maybe I need to avoid friends in a higher economic bracket than me. Fortunately most of my friends are in my bracket. In the past I've only done lunch with this higher-income person so her inviting me for a day outing is out of the norm.
Let me ask you, would you want people to avoid you because of your income??? not sure what type of friend I would call that.

I have friends all over the economic ladder. I did not pick them because of their paycheck and it's easy to be sensitive to some one's financial situation if they let you know. Be honest with them, you maybe pleasantly surprised at how they handle it.

I mentioned this in another thread, I have a good girlfriend who is going through a rough economic time due to now having to care of an elderly mother. she's still one of the "gals" so we plan activities we know she can enjoy without stressing about her budget.

For example, one of our favorite shows is on Netflix, it's called Grace and Frankie. the new season is coming out in two weeks so we've planned a 'watch" party. I'm bringing the booze (lol), someone's bringing the pizza, another is bringing the dessert and one is bringing the salad. great time will be had very inexpensively.

And even though some of us have a bit more disposable income, no one is so rich that they don't appreciate saving a few bucks when socializing.
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Old 01-08-2018, 11:17 AM
 
29 posts, read 22,614 times
Reputation: 40
Quote:
Originally Posted by Minervah View Post
Socially rude? True friends donít care about stuff like that, they care about their friendís well-being or at least they should. You should be able to feel perfectly comfortable asking what the plans are because of your budget restrictions. They should understand. Otherwise maybe you need to find a new crowd to hang out with.
Agree, Friends don't care about status of friends. That's what friendship is. You need to open up to idea that your friends are warm and welcoming.
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Old 01-08-2018, 11:39 AM
 
6,875 posts, read 7,270,643 times
Reputation: 9785
Quote:
I'm planning to discuss this today with the person but wanted to run it past the forum to see what the suggestions were. I'm NOT looking for ideas how to participate in these activities--I'm asking how to GET OUT OF participating in them.
SO.....you're looking for ways to get out of doing....activities that you don't even know what they are yet, or how much they might cost?
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Old 01-08-2018, 11:42 AM
 
Location: middle tennessee
1,924 posts, read 987,556 times
Reputation: 6931
It doesn't sound like you don't have the money, but that you would rather spend what you have on something else. Since you are taking separate transportation, why can't you just say that you need to get back after lunch (or whatever activity) and leave it at that. Why bring your finances into it?


I think that's what your friend was trying to tell you. It will just make the couple who invited you uncomfortable.
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Old 01-08-2018, 12:42 PM
 
10,321 posts, read 9,369,968 times
Reputation: 15911
Quote:
Originally Posted by germaine2626 View Post
One of my best friends was single her entire life and she is having the same type of problems with her retired sisters. They are all married with husbands who had/have extremely, extremely good jobs. In fact, two of her sisters, who worked full time were able to save their whole paychecks for their entire careers just for retirement. My friend obviously had to spend her paychecks on "useless" things like food, bills and mortgage payments so has very little extra in retirement funds. Her sisters just "don't get it" that my friend does not have the money to take long international vacations with them or eat at expensive restaurants all the time.
Amen to that!! And most of the retired ladies in my community who live in the more expensive units get financial assistance from their adult children to pay the rent.
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Old 01-08-2018, 02:05 PM
 
6,220 posts, read 4,718,283 times
Reputation: 12730
My wife and I were recently invited on a travel trip with a group of photographers. We checked out the costs and found that the trip was going to run about $20K. We dropped out. I don't expect we will be asked about future trips but we are all still friends and do local things together.
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Old 01-08-2018, 02:21 PM
 
Location: on the wind
7,089 posts, read 2,905,107 times
Reputation: 23989
Quote:
Originally Posted by smt1111 View Post
This small incident is teaching me that maybe I need to avoid friends in a higher economic bracket than me. Fortunately most of my friends are in my bracket. In the past I've only done lunch with this higher-income person so her inviting me for a day outing is out of the norm.
I don't think you need to actively avoid friends in a higher bracket (it could result in misunderstandings), just be honest about the options they present if and when they occur. I'm sure they would appreciate knowing so as not to make you uncomfortable. Eventually, if they are always suggesting extravagant activities you can't participate in, you may naturally drift apart. No problem with that. Then the problem sort of solves itself.
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