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Old 01-13-2018, 01:57 AM
 
6,973 posts, read 3,870,340 times
Reputation: 14876

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Cyclist1968 View Post
Yes you need to call Social Services asap. He may be poisoning her. For someone to refuse to take their own wife to the ER who desperately needs medical care is a dangerous person. They need to be separated, there is some funny business going on here. Find out her sons name and where he lives, then use intellius, white pages, thatsthem websites to google his number. Send him an anonymous letter saying how horrid she looks and how she appears she will die soon. She's deteriorating quickly. Good luck! If she dies, you will likely live with it which is worse than your fear of C. finding out. Blessings to you, I'll say a prayer
Wow! This is overly dramatic leaping to conclusions and is not at all helpful.

I'd suggest to the OP that she investigate what local help is available from non-profit organizations and hospice. If the time is not now for any of them at least the groundwork will be done for when they are necessary. At that time the OP's friend may not be so reluctant to have outside help, especially if it allows her to remain home rather than be institutionalized.
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Old 01-13-2018, 02:32 AM
 
Location: CO/UT/AZ/NM Catch me if you can!
4,743 posts, read 4,371,767 times
Reputation: 10403
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cyclist1968 View Post
Yes you need to call Social Services asap. He may be poisoning her. For someone to refuse to take their own wife to the ER who desperately needs medical care is a dangerous person. They need to be separated, there is some funny business going on here. Find out her sons name and where he lives, then use intellius, white pages, thatsthem websites to google his number. Send him an anonymous letter saying how horrid she looks and how she appears she will die soon. She's deteriorating quickly. Good luck! If she dies, you will likely live with it which is worse than your fear of C. finding out. Blessings to you, I'll say a prayer
Thank you for your prayers - my friend needs all the blessings she can get right now!

I do agree that C. would be better off without hubby #2. Not that I think he is actively trying to kill her, but neglect can kill just as a deliberate action might. I doubt hubby has any active plans to take her life, but he is a very stubborn man who thinks only of himself and treats C. as if she were his slave. If she has to go to the ER, it's either I drive her or if I can't, she has to call the ambulance. When they sent her to a medical center 200 miles away from here for tests and treatment, hubby spent the entire time at a bar - NOT with her. He has the money to buy two brand new jeeps which sit largely unused in their driveway. C. is too sick to drive and hubby claims his back hurts too much - a huge exaggeration. I notice his back doesn't prevent him from doing the things, HE wants to do.

I know that home health care can be expensive, but if the man were a reasonable, caring human being, he could have taken the money he squandered on the second jeep and used it to hire a home health care aid for C. But of course, such a thought never crosses his mind. When I manage to come over to help C. out, hubby demands I wait on him, too! Pfffft! I notice that he can get his own coffee and open a can of soup if I either can't or won't perform such services for him.

Quote:
Originally Posted by kokonutty View Post
Wow! This is overly dramatic leaping to conclusions and is not at all helpful.

I'd suggest to the OP that she investigate what local help is available from non-profit organizations and hospice. If the time is not now for any of them at least the groundwork will be done for when they are necessary. At that time the OP's friend may not be so reluctant to have outside help, especially if it allows her to remain home rather than be institutionalized.
I plan on dropping in on my friend tomorrow, and if she's no better (and I have no reason to think that she will be), I'll try bringing up the idea of a home health care aid again. I only wish I was capable of coming over to help on a consistent basis, but I'm just not. It's hard for me to accept this and frustrating that I can do so little. I do know someone who works for social services and I'll sound her out when she's back in her office on Monday.

I really hate getting between C. and her son, but I don't think I have much choice. If poor C. were to die due to neglect, I'd carry that burden on my soul to the end of my days. Anybody who may be reading this, please say a little prayer for Carmen this evening - she needs all the good thoughts and prayers she can get!
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Old 01-13-2018, 04:08 AM
 
Location: Tampa, FL
27,798 posts, read 26,222,762 times
Reputation: 14611
An uncaring spouse that refuses to help his partner in times of medical need? Something ain't right there - definitely needs intervention by social services. Neglect is a form of abuse.This lady is going to die prematurely because people looked the other way.

We had a guy in my neighborhood who stored his wife in a freezer for years and collected her SS check until he himself died. Oddballs all around.
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Old 01-13-2018, 09:23 AM
 
Location: Lakewood OH
21,697 posts, read 23,672,920 times
Reputation: 35449
A friend of mine was dying of Stage 4 endometrial Cancer. She had no family. Her friends all helped but it was her doctor who arranged to have a social worker and visiting nurse to come and look in on her as often as necessary after her last hospital discharge. One of the social workers kept in touch with me to talk about her progress with her permission. So I knew when they took her to Hospice. I stayed with her holding her hand the day before she died.

So I was wondering, could you arrange something along those lines through her doctor? I mean this might be a useless suggestion because I don't know all the circumstances but just going by my experience it worked in my friend's situation. If not the doctor, Social Services or a similar organization. She is in her early 70's so maybe there is an office on aging in your area as there is in many. Don't feel you are interfering. She needs help.
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Old 01-13-2018, 10:41 AM
 
Location: Blue Ridge Mountains
1,827 posts, read 2,617,981 times
Reputation: 2887
I would be frank with your friend and tell her you cannot always be there for her but you care deeply and you will help her get the assistance she needs thru whatever services are available to seniors in your town.
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Old 01-13-2018, 12:23 PM
 
Location: Raleigh
8,047 posts, read 5,895,364 times
Reputation: 9785
Anyone who is a position where they are going to eventually need ambulance service should check about joining the local ambulance membership. The ride into the ER can be $several hundred. The ride back home, which you made need, is not covered by insurance,
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Old 01-13-2018, 01:26 PM
Status: "Support the Mining Law of 1872" (set 11 days ago)
 
Location: Cody, WY
9,583 posts, read 10,930,257 times
Reputation: 19216
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nightengale212 View Post
You obviously have no clue of the difficult process involved that leads to involuntary institutional placement. From my experience of 40 years working in the nursing profession it should happen more than it does!!! If you think living at home is a better choice for some seniors who can't care for themselves and have nobody else who can help, who are incontinent, and end up as a result with painful sometimes maggot infested pressure ulcers which I have seen on a number of occasions is a better option than living in an environment where you are kept clean, fed, and your health needs are taken care of I would not consider the alternative you suggest exactly a life of freedom. Most patients that I have taken care of that end up in the situation I described eventually beg to be placed in a nursing home because that "free" life they are living is painful and difficult.
You'll love this one. Yes, you people really have a plan for us.

https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2...e-their-rights
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Old 01-13-2018, 02:59 PM
 
735 posts, read 451,182 times
Reputation: 1716
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nightengale212 View Post
I am an R.N. primary care case manager and from time to time I have concerns about a home situation that may not be conducive to safety and wellbeing of a patient. What I do in this situation is call the local police in the town where the patient lives and request they do a home safety check and give them the reasons why I am requesting this. The police do not inform the patient who requested the safety check, and in the situation with your friend since she was recently in the hospital she may think the safety check was requested by a concerned hospital healthcare provider she had contact with or her own doctor. If the police during the check identify cause for safety concerns they will contact the Department of Elderly Affairs who will further assess the situation, contact family if that is indicated, and will initiate putting resources in the home to provide what assistance is needed until the person's health improves. In situations where health and safety further declines sometimes nursing home placement will follow but that happens mostly with patients who are living alone and have cognitive as well as physical health issues.
Thats right. Some police departments call this conducting a welfare check. They check on the welfare of the person. If her arm is black all the way down from the shoulder as you say this is a huge medical emergency. Call the police now.

Also, shes old enough for medicare. Medicare pays for some home health services
https://www.medicare.gov/coverage/ho...-services.html

Last edited by Nurse Bishop; 01-13-2018 at 03:14 PM..
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Old 01-13-2018, 06:41 PM
 
Location: SW US
2,218 posts, read 2,036,902 times
Reputation: 3824
Is it possible that she can't accept home health care because her husband objects? Would you be in any danger from him if you report the situation? Don't count much on anonymity.
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Old 01-13-2018, 07:03 PM
 
1,631 posts, read 748,785 times
Reputation: 8914
Quote:
Originally Posted by Colorado Rambler View Post
I know the both of them will fight like tigers at the merest suggestion of outside help. C. told me that when the doctor released her from her latest hospital stay that he recommended that she get a health care provider to come in and help her several days a week. C. refused because she doesn't like the idea of some stranger coming to her home.

IMO, nursing aids would be the best solution. The problem is getting her to accept them. I also don't know if her insurance would cover such a service. I think my best bet (and hers) would be to get the son involved. Perhaps he can talk some sense into her.
From what you have said, it is likely the husband who has most objected to health workers in the home, not C., and she knows this so she refuses. She may not like the idea either (who really looks forward to it?) but she has been firmly directed by the worthless dominant guy with his butt in the recliner.
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