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Old 01-15-2018, 03:49 PM
 
Location: Southern California
23,720 posts, read 8,243,442 times
Reputation: 15464

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I think about this issue, the more help we have the less we do for ourselves. I have no help to speak of except for friends/daughter buying foods. And getting food delivery. At home, apt, I do it all and it's not much but it's not a pig stye.

Just talking to my neighbor friend who will be 91, and has no help. Her adult sons live in the East and NEVER come to visit her. I can't remember when the last one came to see her. She will not move back East to live with them.

She has a lot of health issues, arthritis being the big one. Glaucoma and loss of much of her hearing...but I swear she is UP when we talk. Went thru two hip replacements and rehabs for both. When she goes to doctors and comes home with a script and reads the Long List of possible side effects, she does NOT fill the scripts.
She has a book "Bad Pills" or something like that. Could be too what her mind is so sharp is that she doesn't take the drugs the docs write.


Today she told me she came upon a new supplement for the lifelong IBS she deals with.

She subscribes to Health Newsletters and got the above product from a letter she receives. This woman never bought a computer so missed that whole world.

So I guess what this is about, it's amazing what we can do for ourselves. Many do not have help.

I'm reminded a tad about when I was being discharged from the 3rd rehab for last year's knee infection, the social workers were telling me what they thought I'd need at home, one thing being a wheelchair...at the rehabs I pushed myself around in a wheelchair for months. Medicare would not approve it as I was finally starting to walk with a walker...and my daughter said "mom the last thing you needed was to get reliant on a wheelchair"...boy was she right. I often try to walk daily with my cane, but outside fear I'll fall so use walker.

Last edited by VTsnowbird; 01-16-2018 at 09:41 AM.. Reason: link to advertising removed
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Old 01-15-2018, 04:04 PM
Status: "0-0-2 Game On!" (set 12 hours ago)
 
Location: The beautiful Rogue Valley, Oregon
7,295 posts, read 15,347,934 times
Reputation: 9468
A data point of 1 is called an anecdote and not particularly useful.

EDIT: I suppose that was rather tart, but my point is: deciding that your regime (whatever it may consist of: Rx, snake oil, exercise, diet, whatever) will mean that you will never need outside help is ludicrous.

Last edited by PNW-type-gal; 01-15-2018 at 05:32 PM.. Reason: added
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Old 01-15-2018, 06:37 PM
 
Location: Cebu, Philippines
4,392 posts, read 1,666,771 times
Reputation: 7997
Eventually you will need help. How long you can live without it is a variable, according to the individual.

One factor is how much independence you have learned to exercise. Some people can cook nutritious and wholesome meals from scratch, others don't know how to pour a glass of milk, and that comes from the experience of actually doing it. If you are still at an age where you can learn to do household things, learn to do them. It will add many, many years to your independence.

When I was 78 and blind, I walked to the supermarket, carried home my groceries on foot, cooked my meals myself, took care of my own laundry, cleaned a mess when it became obvious enough. Not because I was Superman, but only because the ability to do all these things for myself was second nature to me. But, not everyone had the experience and wherewithal, nor the good health, to be that independent. Nor even, maybe, the resolve.

No two of us are exactly alike, nor were we dealt the same cards. But you can anticipate what course your life is likely to take, and make plans for it.
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Old 01-15-2018, 07:02 PM
 
Location: Southern California
23,720 posts, read 8,243,442 times
Reputation: 15464
Quote:
Originally Posted by PNW-type-gal View Post
A data point of 1 is called an anecdote and not particularly useful.

EDIT: I suppose that was rather tart, but my point is: deciding that your regime (whatever it may consist of: Rx, snake oil, exercise, diet, whatever) will mean that you will never need outside help is ludicrous.
Whoever said NEVER? I'm talking about NOW. Talking about today's experiences for me and for my neighbor who goes day by day, we all do.

And it gets really old about the comments of snake oils...those snake oils don't cause deaths as pharma drugs and their interactions do. No snake oil causes dementia.

And yes I know, pharma drugs can and are lifesaving.
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Old 01-15-2018, 07:04 PM
 
254 posts, read 131,955 times
Reputation: 646
Some people never make it to thirty. Thank your Deity everyday.
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Old 01-15-2018, 07:06 PM
 
Location: Southern California
23,720 posts, read 8,243,442 times
Reputation: 15464
Quote:
Originally Posted by cebuan View Post
Eventually you will need help. How long you can live without it is a variable, according to the individual.

One factor is how much independence you have learned to exercise. Some people can cook nutritious and wholesome meals from scratch, others don't know how to pour a glass of milk, and that comes from the experience of actually doing it. If you are still at an age where you can learn to do household things, learn to do them. It will add many, many years to your independence.

When I was 78 and blind, I walked to the supermarket, carried home my groceries on foot, cooked my meals myself, took care of my own laundry, cleaned a mess when it became obvious enough. Not because I was Superman, but only because the ability to do all these things for myself was second nature to me. But, not everyone had the experience and wherewithal, nor the good health, to be that independent. Nor even, maybe, the resolve.

No two of us are exactly alike, nor were we dealt the same cards. But you can anticipate what course your life is likely to take, and make plans for it.
I don't know what is down the road for me. And I don't spend my days dwelling on what might be. I know what I hope happens, so we shall see. I'm 79 and knowing my genes I could live into 90's..
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Old 01-15-2018, 07:09 PM
 
Location: Southern California
23,720 posts, read 8,243,442 times
Reputation: 15464
Quote:
Originally Posted by homelessinseattle View Post
Some people never make it to thirty. Thank your Deity everyday.
This is true, if we're going to go there...my nephew lost his little life at 5.
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Old 01-15-2018, 07:56 PM
 
Location: Florida -
8,763 posts, read 10,837,755 times
Reputation: 16633
In my childhood, there was no father in the home and even less money or family/social advantages.
My mother did the best she could to raise three children on secretarial wages with no help or social welfare. From an early age, I knew that if I was ever going to advance beyond the 'streets,' it was up to me. On my own by about fifteen, I was able to work hard and smart enough to ultimately enjoy a successful career, ministry and retirement.

Over the years, I've watched many with far greater family and financial advantages, live-out their lives with little motivation, or self-initiative... all the while, expecting someone else to 'rescue' or help them. Similarly, one of the most damaging aspects of our society is multi-year welfare system that fosters dependency and robs people of a sense of personal responsibility for their own lives.
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Old 01-15-2018, 09:55 PM
 
Location: Tucson Arizona
3,883 posts, read 1,649,879 times
Reputation: 10189
my paternal grandmother lived alone to the age of 92. She died walking home from the grocery store.
I like having that kind of genetic background!

On the other hand, my mom gave up at about age 85, and went to live with my brother because he was willing to do everything for her. She was bedridden the last 2 years of her life. She lived to 90, but I don't want to be like that!
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Old 01-15-2018, 10:20 PM
 
Location: CO/UT/AZ/NM Catch me if you can!
4,743 posts, read 4,368,044 times
Reputation: 10398
I have no close family members to help me out, and I lack the money to pay someone to come "do" for me everyday. I have always been a very self sufficient person and the idea of being forced to depend on someone for my well being is really distasteful to me, so I think I understand where you are coming from. I push myself to do all sorts of things from going up into the mountains alone with my dog and tent camping (when my truck was still running) to getting up on ladders to hang Christmas lights. I dig up the garden myself every spring, and since I now have no vehicle, I put my pepper spray in my pocket and stick out my thumb for a ride into town if that's the only way I can get there. I do all this despite the fact that I have to deal with arthritis and sciatica. I just force myself to walk thru the pain if I possibly can.

I think that the aging process has as much to do with attitude as it does anything else. I live on a farm out in the country and my landlady who is 95 lives all by herself in her home about a mile across the fields from me. That woman is my hero and role model. She's been on her own since her husband passed some thirty years ago and she still keeps her home as clean as a pin, cans from her own fruit trees every fall and knits and crochets all sorts of wonderful creations for her family and friends. She's active on Face Book and does a much better job of keeping her home page up than I ever could.

On the other hand, my Mom who was a very healthy woman, re-married in her early sixties because as she once confided to me, her second husband was "better than nothing." Mr. "Better than Nothing" soon morphed into Mr. "Nothing Could be Worse," and my Mom went through hell with that man who ended up divorcing her when she was 78 because he feared having to pay for her nursing home fees (he was 10 years younger than she). My Mom ended up being a complete wreck because she had depended way too heavily on that loser.

I had the front row seat watching this all unwind - my Mom didn't want any advise from me, so there was little I could say to her and very little I could do either because Mr. Better Than Nothing didn't like me coming around and "interfering."

After watching my Mom endure all she did, I became more disinclined to depend on anybody than ever. I was married for 20 years and then divorced and never re-married although I once had a close call in that department. I am far from being a man hater, but I have become incredibly picky. Never say never and it's always possible that my senior prince Charming will come along one day and take me off on his white horse that has a bad case of arthritis, but I ain't holding my breath.

I'm skeptical of many of the meds I'm prescribed and every so often I quit taking them to see if they really make much of a difference. Mostly, there's none that I can feel, but then I'm not on stuff like blood pressure medicine or insulin or stuff like that. I suppose my personal "snake oil" is brain games. I play scrabble against my computer set at tournament level and mostly I beat the computer. I am a voracious reader and I like to tackle books on difficult subjects like science and philosophy. I cut myself the slack to read them twice if I don't understand them the first time around. I also try to stay active on discussion forums like CD and I write all sorts of other things as well. As you may imagine from all this, my greatest fear about aging is losing my cognitive abilities. My brain has to be present enough to take care of me, since there's no one else around to do it.

I admire your determination to remain independent for as long as you can. If vitamin supplements or whatever make you feel better or stronger, I say go right ahead and keep taking them. I believe that about the only vitamin you can take too much of is vitamin A which can be toxic in large doses.

In fact, I'll challenge you to play a game of scrabble with me and the winner gets to have all the lactic acid wafers. Cheers to you!
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