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Old 01-29-2018, 12:37 PM
 
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While both of my parents are still alive (both in their early 70's), I did get to see my maternal grandmother pass away when I was 16. She had COPD and battled it for years and had a do not resuscitate request.

She died on her couch, and remember it like it was yesterday. I remember the funeral home coming to get the body and them putting her into the body bag and wheeling her outside.
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Old 01-29-2018, 01:53 PM
 
Location: The New England part of Ohio
18,664 posts, read 23,241,522 times
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I was in my early 20s when I and my younger siblings watched our mother die a slow, agonizing death from ovarian cancer. She was fortunate enough to have 24 hour skilled nursing care, and to pass in her own home.

It was horrible to watch her go from a vibrant and beautiful 48 year woman to a skeletal, pain wracked wraith.

When she passed at 51, she was 5' 5" and 68 lbs.

Her passing was a blessing. However, my father immediately married his secretary, effectively changing the course of my life, and the life of my sisters.

That was in 1980.

Last year my father died, after three years of decline from MSA (Multiple Systems Atrophy)
Another agonizing and protracted death.

My father wanted his estate distributed equitably to his wife and four children. Somehow, my father's wife at some point had my father's will nullified claiming mental incapacity.

Watching two parents die long, lingering deaths has had a terrible impact on our lives.
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Old 01-29-2018, 05:06 PM
 
Location: Finally the house is done and we are in Port St. Lucie!
3,488 posts, read 2,073,537 times
Reputation: 9735
My daughter and I sat with my s'mom. Her heart was strong but her lungs were not. She had COPD. That was traumatic yet I was so blessed to be there with her in her last days.

It was just over 2 years ago and I still talk to her and think of her daily. She was 76. Dad had been gone 7 years before her.

I miss her
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Old 01-29-2018, 06:11 PM
 
39,251 posts, read 20,356,214 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by oldsoldier1976 View Post
Yesterday I was called to my dad's bedside where after a couple of hours he took his final breath. This is the second parent I watch pass and it still unnerved me. I sort of went into shock. He had been very sick and was at the mercy of others for everything. He died of prostate cancer at the age of 83. My mother passed away in 2010 of breast cancer at 77.

I know I am not alone in this. I know that some of you have gone through this as well. While I am not looking for hugs or anything like that what I am wondering is if others felt just as shocked even though the death was expected and even wished for. It was very difficult to watch my father suffer and struggle through it. I was praying that he would just be taken and I would not have to be there to watch his face go from a normal skin tone to one of ashen gray. I was there to watch my mother go and I was just as unnerved this second time around.

But I was also glad to be there on those days to be there for my parents to pass. I know it was a comfort for them to know I was there. In the case of my dad, my wife was there as well. He really did appreciate that and I believe he showed it by letting go. It was very hard on his wife but..... he is no longer suffering and she no longer has to go through that everyday chore of watching him get worse.
As you go through the day in a haze because you just lost a very important person in your life, and as everyone keeps going about their day and you're expected to go about life as if nothing happened. Yes, I've been there, it's been 20 years, my dad died suddenly from a massive heart attack. When I was told, it was a shock, it felt like someone just ripped my heart out. He died at 58. I still think about him and miss him very much. When I see pics of him all I think how young he was.

Mom went into respiratory failure last year and almost passed but although she has a terminal disease she's doing much better now. Seeing her suffer is heavy on the heart and exhausting. Eventually we know she'll go backward.

When my dad lost his mother he said it's harder on the people left behind than the one who passed. I wish I could handle it better.
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Old 01-30-2018, 02:17 AM
 
Location: Western Asia
3,187 posts, read 1,443,172 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by oldsoldier1976 View Post
Yesterday I was called to my dad's bedside where after a couple of hours he took his final breath. This is the second parent I watch pass and it still unnerved me. I sort of went into shock. He had been very sick and was at the mercy of others for everything. He died of prostate cancer at the age of 83. My mother passed away in 2010 of breast cancer at 77.

I know I am not alone in this. I know that some of you have gone through this as well. While I am not looking for hugs or anything like that what I am wondering is if others felt just as shocked even though the death was expected and even wished for. It was very difficult to watch my father suffer and struggle through it. I was praying that he would just be taken and I would not have to be there to watch his face go from a normal skin tone to one of ashen gray. I was there to watch my mother go and I was just as unnerved this second time around.

But I was also glad to be there on those days to be there for my parents to pass. I know it was a comfort for them to know I was there. In the case of my dad, my wife was there as well. He really did appreciate that and I believe he showed it by letting go. It was very hard on his wife but..... he is no longer suffering and she no longer has to go through that everyday chore of watching him get worse.
My father died at 89 after having a massive stroke, his body just started shutting down. Probably the hardest thing to see him lose his mental and physical faculties after the stroke after being such a powerful and intellectual man even into his mid 80's...sad. Sometimes I get triggered by some memory and lose it.
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Old 01-30-2018, 06:50 AM
 
753 posts, read 706,344 times
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I forgave my parents years ago for the dysfunctional upbringing that we had. I did it for me mainly, so I could move on with my own life. Sometime after that I was able to also forgive them for them.

Anyway, some of my siblings hadn't reached that point yet, and they had a very difficult time when my parents became very ill and then passed away.

Years ago I heard that even if you had a strained relationship with your parents over the years, their death will affect you.

It's so true.
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Old 01-30-2018, 07:10 AM
 
Location: The Heart of Dixie
1,357 posts, read 1,109,498 times
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I wish I'd been able to be with my mom. She passed unexpectedly at age 56. My dad left her asleep that morning to go to work and when he got back, she was gone. She never even moved. I take comfort knowing that she died in her sleep, but it's so hard knowing I didn't get a chance to say goodbye.

My dad is still alive (he's 75) and I dread losing him. But I hope I'm at least able to tell him goodbye.

So sorry to all of you in this thread who have lost loved ones.
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Old 01-30-2018, 10:05 AM
 
5,269 posts, read 2,702,259 times
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Spend the time you have with your parents and cherish it. I lost my dad when I was 2 years old (on Christmas eve). The only faint memory I have of him is when him and my mom were in some sort of argument. I guess its better than none.....
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Old 01-30-2018, 10:27 AM
 
Location: Coastal New Jersey
56,037 posts, read 54,552,165 times
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6My father died 18 years ago of a heart attack, at 78, on the kitchen floor. He didn't die immediately. The EMTs got there and he was answering questions and then he went back into fibrillation and they started working on him.

While they were working on him, he died. My mother, my brother, and I were all watching. Even though nothing visible had changed, we all knew the moment he was gone. They continued working while they got him on the stretcher and put him.in the ambulance, but he died on the kitchen floor. It was the weirdest thing. He just LEFT, and we all knew it the moment it happened.
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Old 01-30-2018, 10:30 AM
 
3,630 posts, read 7,240,763 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ChessieMom View Post
I'm sure this sounds awful but I don't want to be there when my parents pass. I don't think I could stand it. I've been though pure hell with both of them, with their serious health issues. I am dreading another round. I would much rather they just pass in their sleep - I guess we all hope for that though.
When my father was dying my mother sat my brother and I next to her and we sat and watched him. Death watch. Pretending we were suddenly a happy hunky dory family. My dad wasn't stupid and I found it so disrespectful. I also found it disrespectful to him to stare just waiting for him to die. After hours of this the hospice nurse suggested we take a break. I was in the chair in the next room and I heard his last breath 20 mins later. I don't want people to stare at me as I die.
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