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Old 01-28-2018, 06:16 AM
 
Location: Central Massachusetts
4,800 posts, read 4,844,519 times
Reputation: 6377

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Yesterday I was called to my dad's bedside where after a couple of hours he took his final breath. This is the second parent I watch pass and it still unnerved me. I sort of went into shock. He had been very sick and was at the mercy of others for everything. He died of prostate cancer at the age of 83. My mother passed away in 2010 of breast cancer at 77.

I know I am not alone in this. I know that some of you have gone through this as well. While I am not looking for hugs or anything like that what I am wondering is if others felt just as shocked even though the death was expected and even wished for. It was very difficult to watch my father suffer and struggle through it. I was praying that he would just be taken and I would not have to be there to watch his face go from a normal skin tone to one of ashen gray. I was there to watch my mother go and I was just as unnerved this second time around.

But I was also glad to be there on those days to be there for my parents to pass. I know it was a comfort for them to know I was there. In the case of my dad, my wife was there as well. He really did appreciate that and I believe he showed it by letting go. It was very hard on his wife but..... he is no longer suffering and she no longer has to go through that everyday chore of watching him get worse.
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Old 01-28-2018, 06:28 AM
 
Location: Verde Valley AZ
8,612 posts, read 9,676,241 times
Reputation: 10950
Quote:
Originally Posted by oldsoldier1976 View Post
Yesterday I was called to my dad's bedside where after a couple of hours he took his final breath. This is the second parent I watch pass and it still unnerved me. I sort of went into shock. He had been very sick and was at the mercy of others for everything. He died of prostate cancer at the age of 83. My mother passed away in 2010 of breast cancer at 77.

I know I am not alone in this. I know that some of you have gone through this as well. While I am not looking for hugs or anything like that what I am wondering is if others felt just as shocked even though the death was expected and even wished for. It was very difficult to watch my father suffer and struggle through it. I was praying that he would just be taken and I would not have to be there to watch his face go from a normal skin tone to one of ashen gray. I was there to watch my mother go and I was just as unnerved this second time around.

But I was also glad to be there on those days to be there for my parents to pass. I know it was a comfort for them to know I was there. In the case of my dad, my wife was there as well. He really did appreciate that and I believe he showed it by letting go. It was very hard on his wife but..... he is no longer suffering and she no longer has to go through that everyday chore of watching him get worse.

Yes, I went through this with my mom. She had a massive stroke but it took her 11 days to pass and it was a long and miserable 11 days to watch it happen. I wanted to do something, ANYTHING, to help her and couldn't. When it was over I was relieved, for HER, but yes I was in shock because it happened so suddenly, really. I was sorry she had a DNR when that happened but they said she'd never be able to do anything again and that really tore me up. She was 87 and in relatively good health before the stroke but had been having mini strokes for about six months prior. Still didn't expect it. It's been three years now and I still miss her, every day.
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Old 01-28-2018, 06:38 AM
 
588 posts, read 143,928 times
Reputation: 342
Im very sorry to both of you
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Old 01-28-2018, 08:08 AM
 
Location: Western Colorado
11,083 posts, read 12,464,975 times
Reputation: 26091
I actually envy you. When my mom died I was on a plane headed her way, never made it in time to say goodbye. Same with my dad. Never said good bye...
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Old 01-28-2018, 08:12 AM
 
1,226 posts, read 1,258,991 times
Reputation: 4309
My condolences.
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Old 01-28-2018, 08:16 AM
 
6,306 posts, read 5,049,308 times
Reputation: 12810
Sorry for your loss.

My mom died a year and a half ago. She was 92 and had a great life. She was a very positive happy person. She had been declining so it was not a shock to me. It was to some of my other siblings.

My dad passed after almost a month in the hospital - cancer. It was a relief to see him finally not suffer.
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Old 01-28-2018, 08:23 AM
 
419 posts, read 256,807 times
Reputation: 1329
I understand because I watched my father pass over 5 years ago. It still haunts me. He was in the hospital and not expected to die. We knew he was in trouble yet our pleas to the nursing staff fell on deaf ears. I should have stood in the middle of the room shouting until someone listened. It was so much easier for my brothers to accept his death because they weren't there to see it. It is something I will never forget.

My sincere condolences.
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Old 01-28-2018, 09:03 AM
 
Location: Cochise county, AZ
4,964 posts, read 3,454,424 times
Reputation: 10479
It was a blessing when my mom passed. She had dementia but the times she was lucid were tough. She loved to read but even that became difficult as she couldn't remember what she'd red when she turned the page.

It was hard watching her go downhill. It's been a few years & I still think of calling her at times before I remember she's gone.

She went into a coma & the toughest decision my sister, who was her caregiver, was thankfully not needed - whether to have her on intravenous feedings or to let go . she passed the day before that decision had to be made.

No matter what though, I think watching a parent die is hard. Sorry for your loss.
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Old 01-28-2018, 09:35 AM
 
1,567 posts, read 578,952 times
Reputation: 3336
My dad was involved in many musical activities. He was in the hospital and was going to have gall bladder surgery. He was alert, awake, and oriented, and two orderlies came to take him down to the operating room on a gurney. My mom and I got in the elevator with him and low and behold, two musical buddies were in the elevator coming to visit him [not knowing he was about to have surgery]. So the elevator got even more crowded and they chatted away. Before we got off at the operating room floor, my dad said, "They will probably take me out of here in a body bag". Elevator doors opened, the two musical friends went one way, and Mom and I said a very quick "We love you" and the orderlies whisked him down the hallway to the OR. We were told to wait in the OR waiting room. So we waited, and waited, watching the other families get called back to the recovery room. But we did not. Finally the Dr's came out, and we got called into one of "the little rooms". Dad was right - he knew.

When my mother died many years later, I did her care-taking for three years and finally we called Hospice in to help. She had been asking to be taken Heaven for about ten days, very weak, but just not ready to go. One morning I had a cardiologist appointment, not too far away, and I was not gone for more than an hour. My husband stayed with her. When I came back he told me, gently, that she had died while I was gone. I know she heard she heard me say I would be going to the Dr; she did it on purpose, I am pretty sure.

Old Soldier -- I am so sorry.
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Old 01-28-2018, 09:57 AM
 
Location: Loudon, TN
5,767 posts, read 4,827,803 times
Reputation: 19395
Quote:
Originally Posted by oldsoldier1976 View Post
Yesterday I was called to my dad's bedside where after a couple of hours he took his final breath. This is the second parent I watch pass and it still unnerved me. I sort of went into shock. He had been very sick and was at the mercy of others for everything. He died of prostate cancer at the age of 83. My mother passed away in 2010 of breast cancer at 77.

I know I am not alone in this. I know that some of you have gone through this as well. While I am not looking for hugs or anything like that what I am wondering is if others felt just as shocked even though the death was expected and even wished for. It was very difficult to watch my father suffer and struggle through it. I was praying that he would just be taken and I would not have to be there to watch his face go from a normal skin tone to one of ashen gray. I was there to watch my mother go and I was just as unnerved this second time around.

But I was also glad to be there on those days to be there for my parents to pass. I know it was a comfort for them to know I was there. In the case of my dad, my wife was there as well. He really did appreciate that and I believe he showed it by letting go. It was very hard on his wife but..... he is no longer suffering and she no longer has to go through that everyday chore of watching him get worse.
I'm very sorry for your loss. We're in the same situation today with my MIL. Take care of yourself and your wife. My thoughts are with you today.
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