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Old 02-04-2018, 02:09 PM
167 posts, read 74,765 times
Reputation: 253


Originally Posted by nightbird47 View Post
My son wants me to live closer to them, or with them. My dil's mom lives with them. There's already a lot of people in the house, so too many for me. But a small seperate dwelling for me would be okay. I could be with them or not that way. I just turned 65 this year, but will want to not live alone alone with family in a different state forever.

I think its a good thing to talk to your kids and be honest about what makes you feel comfortabl and make future plans. I'd be okay with a basement apartment, but would prefer a space which wasn't actively connected. But I was sufficently interested that I already laid out how my lair would be laid out.
You're still pretty young but what a wonderful comfort that they still want you living near/with them. Or You did something right
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Old 02-05-2018, 02:40 AM
Location: We_tside PNW (Columbia Gorge) / CO / SA TX / Thailand
22,704 posts, read 40,103,214 times
Reputation: 23865
Originally Posted by kelly237 View Post
In my next house I would love to have a separate space with an outside entrance like an over the garage apartment or mother-in-law suite. I could rent it out or use it for visiting family & friends.
An accessory dwelling is great for 'house swapping' too (keeps your privacy in YOUR home, yet gives you some options (round-the-world). )

Friends on Vancouver Island Canada have FT RV couple renting apartment above their shop space (2500 sf)
They rent it YRound for $600/ month and usually just use it during summers, yet leave their 'home based stuff' there YRound) They are a very nice and a big benefit during summers for cows / gardening / yard and farm help. During the off season, they 'sublease' to various friends (usually missionaries on furlough / or adult / married students)

I am also pursuing "cabins / staff qtrs" at seasonal camps.

I would be happy to live in a great 'retreat' location during off-season and swap caretaking chores for free lodging. Then give up the cabin for staff during the peak season. In fact, it would make a nice donation to build the cabin for the camp (in exchange for using it off-season.

also researching;

Shared Equity.
1) A home school family in Oregon wanted to buy a vineyard, but found USA props too expensive. They bought a vineyard in France (came with 4 residences + a caretaker (as usual)), so... they sold 2 extra 'shares' to other USA families, and all 4 families could be on the premises at the same time (tho they seldom overlapped). The caretaker managed the farm and maint needs.

2) 'Families' often use Shared Equity to assist their adult kids into homes (especially farms)

3) 'Travelers' could be perfect shared equity owners with multi living space places (there at different times)
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Old 02-07-2018, 09:58 PM
2,132 posts, read 1,015,109 times
Reputation: 8673
Originally Posted by tijlover View Post
I work in a LTC/Rehab facility and I've met up with some pretty stubborn people that refuse to share their house with anyone, and suffer the consequences. And some have been pet owners, and? Once hospitalized, no one to tend to them, off to a shelter they go!

85YO woman falls in her backyard. This is Las Vegas where most backyards have 6 foot cinder block walls, and gravel landscaping. She yelled and yelled, no response. So, on her back, yes, she ever so slowly dragged her body around to the side of the house and to the front yard, where, finally, someone saw her before it got dark. No Life Alert!

Another woman fell in her trailer home and laid there for 2 days, she broke her hip, she couldn't edge her way to a phone, yelling would have been useless, and it was summer here in Las Vegas, she could have dehydrated!

Even myself, at 43, I had just moved to and bought a home in Phoenix. Knew no one there, initially. I was painting one afternoon, I looked down from the ladder, and said: You better get down from this ladder as it'd be just like you to hit your head on the fast spinning ceiling fan. And? I did exactly that, blood spurting out everywhere! Thank God it wasn't too severe, but I could have been knocked out, unconscious, and having not even met all the neighbors yet, I could have laid there for days!

After that, and being so far away from family, I decided right then and there I'd always have someone around the house, as accidents can happen.
My grandmother rented the upstairs of her house out to a "young" man (he grew older as she did, but she still always referred to him as "young man" even when he was in his 50s, LOL!). He lived there for over 20 years. He had his own entrance though and the living spaces were separate. That worked out well for her - but personally *I* would never risk it today.

Trying to inject fear into the equation is unhelpful.

The fact is that we are at far more danger of abuse if we let strangers into our homes. Even when I was younger I had big time problems with roommates. There was the girl who never paid her share of the rent - I had to call her mother and have her removed because she wouldn't leave.

Then there was the other girl who never paid her rent - the 4 of us who WERE paying our rent had to go to the apartment manager to get rid of her.

Then there was the girl who I overheard plotting with her boyfriend about how they would move him in without asking and then just drive me out so they could have the house to themselves - and not pay rent because the lease was in my name and it would ruin *MY* credit rating, not theirs. Another one who I had to call her mother to come and remove her. She also was not paying rent.

Now, as others have posted, allowing someone into your home can leave you unable to evict them because of laws that have been passed that protect the rights of "tenants". I had a friend who had an AWFUL time getting rid of one of her kids after letting him move back in because of such a law.

I, myself, had to forcibly evict MY BROTHER because he stopped paying rent and started taking over the whole house, was abusive towards myself, my son, and his son, and was buying drugs on my cordless phone - at a time when the cops would drive up and down eavesdropping on cordless phone frequencies looking for just such behaviour. I'm not talking a little doobie here and there. I'm talking $300 worth of drugs when $300 was a WHOLE lot more money than it is now. Enough, at that time, to interest the cops for sure. Not to mention I didn't want drugs around my kid. He also expected me to drop all my plans at a moment's notice and babysit my nephew. When I refused he not only called me every name in the book, he simply started leaving the kid home alone without telling me and I would come home at 2 or 3 in the morning and find my poor nephew there alone. I started calling his mother and taking him over there whenever I found him home alone after that.

Finally when he took all that rent money he saved and went skiing out west for 2 weeks, I got a friend to help me put all his stuff in storage and changed all the locks. By that time he owed me almost a full year's rent. I had been telling him to go starting 2 months into this horror show and he was boasting to his friends and the rest of my family (who thought it was fine and I was SO UNFAIR) that he would "live off" me forever. Hahahaha. NOT! Thank god he didn't have the protection of one of these laws back then.

Aside from stranger-danger, there are lots of other issues. In many localities having a roommate is considered renting and you have to have the house inspected and get an occupancy permit. This is especially true of living space that is separated from yours - so an upstairs apartment requires this sort of permitting or licensing for sure.

HOAs often have regulations disallowing home sharing.

Insurance companies will raise your rates if you tell them, and will cancel your policy/not pay out if you don't and they find out.

CAR insurance becomes an issue - you must put all adults in the household on each policy. Then if they have an accident, even if it is still covered by their insurance, YOUR rates go up. I'm not sure if never ever ever letting them use your car will stop that or not. Probably depends on the state. I do know I'm not risking it. How are you going to prove they had never driven your car before (the rule is usually if they drive it less than 5 times a year or something they don't have to be on your policy, but how are you going to prove that?)

If you are on anything like food stamps or on the program that helps low income people keep a phone or anything at all like that, they will include your roommate's income with yours and you will likely lose your benefits as the total household income will almost certainly push you out of the eligible brackets. I recently listened, appalled, while the local animal shelter told a woman she did not qualify for their free cat program to low income people who need a companion animal (per doctor's recommendation) because her LANDLORD, with whom she shared house space, didn't make enough money. They were combining their incomes and declared that she and her landlord constituted ONE "household" rather than 2 separate households.

Beware: this can make a low income senior ineligible for heating help and all sorts of programs. This is particularly dangerous for someone who only has SSI income, which only amounts to about $850 a month. If you are currently in subsidized housing, you can lose eligibility for that also if you move a roommate in.

Also this sort of thing may be disallowed by your mortgage. The mortgage on this house is an FHA program that allows my son to "buy" a house for me (his mother) with a regular occupant-type loan - which means fewer tax requirements and a cheaper interest rate since otherwise it would have been treated as an "investment" property, requiring a much higher down payment and interest rate. The loan rules specifically preclude renting out rooms, or even A room. I'm not sure what they would do if I got a boyfriend and wanted him to live with me (not happening anyway).

I pay the house payments, insurance and all that, but he had to get the loan as (after 20+ years of struggling with increasing disability and no steady work history) I had what they call a "thin credit file" and didn't qualify for any loan with any kind of reasonable interest rate.

My son calls me every day at 10AM. That's enough for me. I don't need a bundle of potential problems hanging around my neck like an albatross. I have done "for" other people my entire life. I've never really lived alone until recently - spent 7 years in my son's household when I was at my sickest. I've always lived with roommates in college, with my family as a child, with my husband when we were married, with my son after the divorce, and again with my son when I got sick.

I'll be danged if I'll give up the freedom to do or not do when and if I feel like it just because I MIGHT fall down and go boom one day.
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