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Old 02-03-2018, 01:52 PM
 
6,310 posts, read 5,053,602 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by brightdoglover View Post
Wow, the most I've ever had was seven! I agree with boarding the dog, especially if it's only one. It's only a few bucks, and if you have the money to take trips, you can afford boarding. I board my one trouble boy at the vet kennel where I got him, and the other three go to home boarding with their groomer because they actually have some manners (and the groomer knows and loves my shy girl and her special diet).
yea - its something I didn't really go out and look for. I am so glad we now have new rules in town.

They grandfathered me in, but I can't take in more after I get down to the allowable limit. I needed RULES!! I just feel sorry for them. Its not like I am head over heels in love with dogs or cats.
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Old 02-03-2018, 02:11 PM
 
6,880 posts, read 7,278,655 times
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How much time the OP spends with grandkids isn't the issue.

He's talking about being in Ohio only 5 months a year (if that).
I'd think the other seven months a year are plenty enough for the grandkids to have plenty of memories of time with grandpa.

We're only hearing one side.
But I wonder how "needy" or co-dependent the wife might be.
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Old 02-03-2018, 02:22 PM
 
Location: VT; previously MD & NJ
2,202 posts, read 1,345,129 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by fred jernejec View Post
I have a situation that I can use some help with. I lived in Ohio all my life and really enjoyed the area! My wife wanted to sell the house we lived in for 35 years and move to New Jersey just outside of NYC to be closer to both our children and our grand daughter. I really fought the idea because I am sort of set in my ways and did not like the thought of living in an urban area. I am involved with classic cars as my hobby but the area around NJ I could not feel comfortable being around for my cars. I have made alot of friends in ohio and enjoyed going to shows and cruises. I said I would come to NJ but I would like to spend the summers back in Ohio starting in May and ending in September.I go back to Nj for holidays and birthdays about once a month and usually spend about 5 to 7 days here. I did this in 2017 and really liked it! I found a completely furnished house to live in and was told I could also rent in 2018! She does not want me to spend all this time there. Any suggestions? Am I right or wrong! Thanks Fred
Quote:
Originally Posted by fred jernejec View Post
we now live in Nj we are in an apt. complex now only about 2 miles from my daughters home. My wife says everyday how much she loves being with our grand daughter who is now almost 3. She cannot understand how anyone can live away from their kids and grandkids! I really do not have a problem with traveling the 400 miles that I used to drive to see them! Two different opinions I guess! Going to have our 40th ann. this year also.
I'm confused. Did you already sell your Ohio house? Where are your classic cars?
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Old 02-03-2018, 04:44 PM
 
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sold our house in nov 2016 then moved to nj but i store my cars in ohio close to where i used to live. I have been storing them at the same place for 15 plus years! Thanks for all the replies so far!! very appreciated!!
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Old 02-03-2018, 04:59 PM
 
5,426 posts, read 3,448,244 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Clemencia53 View Post

yea - its something I didn't really go out and look for. I am so glad we now have new rules in town.

They grandfathered me in, but I can't take in more after I get down to the allowable limit. I needed RULES!! I just feel sorry for them. Its not like I am head over heels in love with dogs or cats.
This is an interesting psychological situation. And interesting psychologically since you say you do not have a deep love for dogs and cats. (nine animals)
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Old 02-03-2018, 05:32 PM
 
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Originally Posted by matisse12 View Post
This is an interesting psychological situation. And interesting psychologically since you say you do not have a deep love for dogs and cats. (nine animals)
I know. I wonder about it myself sometimes.

Also wonder how I, a person that says this, can help, but someone who says they love animals can turn their backs on the ones the purchase or intentionally go out and get.
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Old 02-03-2018, 06:53 PM
 
Location: Scottsdale, AZ
7,648 posts, read 4,699,473 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by selhars View Post
How much time the OP spends with grandkids isn't the issue.
That's not what I wrote, in case you're responding to me.

He said he didn't understand why his wife wanted to live very near her kids and grandkids. I offered one possible explanation.
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Old 02-03-2018, 09:37 PM
 
6,250 posts, read 4,728,813 times
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There should be absolutely nothing difficult to understand in this. Everything else being even, most of us would want to be near family at least a portion of the time. A generation or two ago and for countless generations before, men went out to work and had jobs and careers. Women stayed at home and raised a family and often cared for an extended family. They were raised with those expectations and goals in life. For many women there was nothing else.


Now so much has changed I even wonder if this strong sense of attachment is helpful or harmful for today's youth. Setting an example of a life with activities and achievements might be more beneficial especially for any female grandkids.
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Old 02-03-2018, 10:13 PM
 
5,426 posts, read 3,448,244 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jghorton View Post

It's not unusual for some people (ie; your wife and mine), to get the idea after many years of living in one place, that they would be happier living elsewhere (particularly where grandkids are involved). IMO (and experience), one is better off with two part-time residences, rather than a full-time move elsewhere.

At retirement age, one no longer has the connections (work, kids, school, clubs, church, familiarity) to readily replace friends and activities built over 35-years, and will gradually lose those they left behind. Also, suddenly moving full-time to be near kids/grandkids, yet, having no established network of friends and activities of your own, ... will likely leave them feeling a bit burdened by your constant presence; plus, inject you closer into their lives than you may want to be. Further, the comfortable 'feel' you have now (weather, traffic, directions, community network, entertainment, history, etc) - will be lost and not readily replaced elsewhere.

We made such a move about 5-6-years ago. Even though we love the grandkids, we regret the move, but, after this much time, understand the reality of the old saying, "You can't go back home again." Don't misunderstand. We're happy enough and making the best of the situation, but, at this age, starting over again in a new location, is more difficult than it seems ... when only looking at those pics of the smiling (but, distant) grandkids.
The above is a very well-expressed, illuminating, intelligent, and thoughtful post.
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Old 02-03-2018, 11:54 PM
 
644 posts, read 476,255 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Clemencia53 View Post
In a way you are right.

Why do you have to do only what your wife wants? If you are a couple, y'all should compromise and maybe do both.

Why don't you feel the need to be close to the kids and grandkid? Why does she feel the need to be there with them so much? I don't have kids and never had the urge to have them, so maybe I don't get it. But I've listened to other senior ladies sort of complain about having to take care of grandkids. Do they feel an obligation?
Compromise is essential and another thing about being close proximity to the kids, this can backfire. I live in another country from my kids and still see them often enough. Maybe the kids don't want the parent(s) around either, hummmmmm.
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