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Old 02-04-2018, 07:26 AM
 
Location: Knoxville, TN
1,251 posts, read 592,823 times
Reputation: 2749

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Clemencia53 View Post
In a way you are right.

Why do you have to do only what your wife wants? If you are a couple, y'all should compromise and maybe do both.

Why don't you feel the need to be close to the kids and grandkid? Why does she feel the need to be there with them so much? I don't have kids and never had the urge to have them, so maybe I don't get it. But I've listened to other senior ladies sort of complain about having to take care of grandkids. Do they feel an obligation?
I hope my daughter has a child, so I can help with childcare. I will not complain and will consider it a joy, not an obligation. Not everyone feels the way I do; not everyone feels the opposite.
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Old 02-04-2018, 07:32 AM
 
6,321 posts, read 5,061,406 times
Reputation: 12838
Quote:
Originally Posted by ezrider62 View Post
Compromise is essential and another thing about being close proximity to the kids, this can backfire. I live in another country from my kids and still see them often enough. Maybe the kids don't want the parent(s) around either, hummmmmm.
I wonder about that also. Do they really want them around all the time?
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Old 02-04-2018, 07:51 AM
 
Location: Southern Most New Jersey
1,101 posts, read 820,444 times
Reputation: 1752
Lived in northern Ohio as a kid. Pleasant lifestyle. Nice people. I can still see the car culture events.

Have lived in southern most NJ for over 40 years. Very nice down state. Lots of great outdoor activities. Lots of car events. Got to know a few antique car mechanics/traders. Fun to talk with them. Always an interesting story. I can see you missing that.

Know north Jersey reasonably well. I don't like north NJ. Lots of reasons.

I can understand your dilemma.

I think your wife is being unreasonable. For one thing grandkids lose interest in family at increasing young ages. Then what, your final days in a little NJ apartment waiting for your next doctor's appointment.
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Old 02-04-2018, 11:56 AM
 
15 posts, read 8,040 times
Reputation: 58
Thanks NJBoy3 You really hit the NAIL ON THE HEAD!!! Fred
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Old 02-04-2018, 12:44 PM
 
6,267 posts, read 4,740,348 times
Reputation: 12866
Quote:
Originally Posted by NJBoy3 View Post
.....

I think your wife is being unreasonable. For one thing grandkids lose interest in family at increasing young ages. ........
I certainly know nothing about Fred's wife but I know many other women with strong maternal instincts. Reasoning and logic do not apply at all. This behavior is usually biological and reinforced by the way some women were raised. Not only is reasoning not involved but the welfare of the children or grandchildren is not the issue. It is all about mom or grandma and their feelings. This behavior reinforces the breeder/homemaker stereotype that many women are trying to leave in the past. It does not set a good example for kids or grandkids.

Last edited by jrkliny; 02-04-2018 at 01:08 PM..
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Old 02-04-2018, 01:04 PM
 
Location: Tucson Arizona
3,905 posts, read 1,658,699 times
Reputation: 10249
my husband has left for a month or three at a time to do stuff he wants but I don't. Like take care of his ailing sister or go skiing.

But it hasn't been a regular thing, where he rents a house and all. I think that would upset me.

If you want her to come with you, make the place appealing to your wife as many ways as possible.
She could bring the dog, or you could take the dog the whole time you're gone.
Get the kids to come visit you there.
Does she have hobbies? look for groups or stores that cater to that hobby.

If you don't want her to come with you, that's a whole other conversation.
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Old 02-04-2018, 01:20 PM
 
Location: VT; previously MD & NJ
2,206 posts, read 1,349,228 times
Reputation: 6344
Quote:
Originally Posted by JOinGA View Post
I hope my daughter has a child, so I can help with childcare. I will not complain and will consider it a joy, not an obligation. Not everyone feels the way I do; not everyone feels the opposite.
When my oldest (now 17) grandson was a baby and toddler, I had the joy of taking care of him most weekends. It was such fun because I had the time to actually sit on the floor and play with him. Not like when my son was small and I was always exhausted from running him to the babysitter, running around to do chores, and working full time. Then they moved away. A different grandparent had that joy with the second one. Now I am near them again, the oldest is away at college, the younger one is focused on his phone or tablet when he comes for a sleepover. If you can be near the grands when they are young, it is wonderful. Once they are older, short visits work because even if you are nearby, you don't see them that much anyway. They get busy on their own.
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Old 02-04-2018, 01:31 PM
 
Location: Las Vegas
13,890 posts, read 25,335,938 times
Reputation: 26388
I think it's actually quite possible your wife may become sick and tired of providing free childcare services for her adult children. And as the grands get older and need less watching she may find herself at loose ends. This may well be a temporary thing she just needs to get out of her system.

Probably just me but I think life should be more than taking care of kids. We all need to have some interests of our own.
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Old 02-04-2018, 01:33 PM
 
Location: VT; previously MD & NJ
2,206 posts, read 1,349,228 times
Reputation: 6344
Quote:
Originally Posted by fred jernejec View Post
sold our house in nov 2016 then moved to nj but i store my cars in ohio close to where i used to live. I have been storing them at the same place for 15 plus years! Thanks for all the replies so far!! very appreciated!!

OK, I think I understand this a little better now. You have an apartment in NJ (near NYC which is a very congested area - I grew up there and would never live there by choice now). But your classic cars are in Ohio. So you have to go visit them, just like your wife feels a need to be near the grandkids.

Since you said you don't mind driving (not a major expense), I see nothing wrong with going back to Ohio yourself for a few weeks at a time every now and then. The only other option might be to move the cars to someplace in NJ and get involved with car clubs there. But if you have a lot of cars, that could be a major expense. If you ever want to sell any of them, call the guys from American Pickers.
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Old 02-04-2018, 01:37 PM
 
6,267 posts, read 4,740,348 times
Reputation: 12866
Quote:
Originally Posted by yellowsnow View Post
I think it's actually quite possible your wife may become sick and tired of providing free childcare services for her adult children. And as the grands get older and need less watching she may find herself at loose ends. This may well be a temporary thing she just needs to get out of her system.

Probably just me but I think life should be more than taking care of kids. We all need to have some interests of our own.
It is not just you. It is the vast majority of women living in the past few decades. Most women are looking for way more than child care.
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