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Old 04-29-2019, 12:47 PM
 
Location: Eastern Washington
14,217 posts, read 44,878,144 times
Reputation: 12792

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Quote:
Originally Posted by fred jernejec View Post
Okay! here goes my story! We lived in ohio for 30 plus years in the same house then sold it and moved to be closer to kids in north jersey.I really hated the thought of moving here and still do. My wife and me made a deal that I could go back every summer to Ohio so that I could have my classic cars to attend to . I go there mid may and return to jersey in mid september. I do go back several times in the summer for holidays and birthdays. My wife now wants me to give up my hobby because she is afraid if I died of a heart attack she would have a hard time dealing with the cars! So I should give up living because she is afraid of me dying RIGHT? She said to me either the cars or me! I really enjoy buying and selling some of these cars and I do fairly well at it! I usually have only 2 or 3 at a time and move in and out of them! I really cannot stand living here but have done so to keep peace and now she wants more! I really feel to donate these cars to a museum if it bothers her so much with selling them! ADVICE?? Thanks Fred

Divorce her. It's worth what it costs. The woman I would move to Jersey to be with, has never existed.
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Old 04-29-2019, 12:49 PM
 
Location: Scottsdale, AZ
7,604 posts, read 4,680,291 times
Reputation: 27806
Quote:
Originally Posted by ChristineVA View Post
But they made a deal!!! He moved somewhere he didn't want to go and her compromise was that he could do his cars in the summer.

They made a deal and now neither of them are happy. It was a crappy deal.
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Old 04-29-2019, 12:51 PM
 
Location: USA
17,616 posts, read 8,837,966 times
Reputation: 13153
Keep your cars in Ohio if they make you happy (and they do) and call her bluff. Ultimatums, especially with regards to a non threatening, healthy hobby like yours are a non starter. I once had my now Ex wife tell me it was my airplane or her. Plus, you're retired you need a hobby or three!

As someone else said spend a half hour with an attorney and see what you can arrange for the sale of the vehicles upon your death, and where they money will go. Kids?

Last edited by Pilot1; 04-29-2019 at 01:53 PM..
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Old 04-29-2019, 12:52 PM
 
15 posts, read 8,019 times
Reputation: 58
cars time 3 equals 600.00 not the point at all fluffy! And i do go back for 10 days in the end of may and 10 days in august! for my wives birthday and a week at ocean city nj with the whole family
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Old 04-29-2019, 12:59 PM
 
12,104 posts, read 6,682,852 times
Reputation: 12952
Where do you live during the four months in Ohio?
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Old 04-29-2019, 01:06 PM
 
10,606 posts, read 12,130,459 times
Reputation: 6498
Quote:
Originally Posted by fluffythewondercat View Post
They made a deal and now neither of them are happy. It was a crappy deal.
He's happy. She's not. Look, as you can see from my username, I'm a woman. Unfortunately, I know all too many women who enter into deals such as this, that they don't want to really do, thinking as time goes on they can pull some ultimatum on the guy and get their way.

I see it as the wife wanted to move to NJ, and Fred did not, AT ALL. Fred capitulates and says that he will move to the dreaded NJ if he can continue his classic car hobby in Ohio. The wife agrees to this. She should not have. I know enough women to know that she probably thought she'd make the move to NJ and Fred would tire of his hobby or she'd start throwing down ultimatums. NOT fair.

My friend's mother pretended for years to love boating and put up with the boating lifestyle to get a ring on her finger. Once done, she was horrible about the boat, made him get rid of it, and it was truly unfair and manipulative.

Last edited by ChristineVA; 04-29-2019 at 01:26 PM..
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Old 04-29-2019, 01:12 PM
 
15 posts, read 8,019 times
Reputation: 58
She has our granddaughter twice a day 5 days a week morning and afternoon! Believe me she is the happiest person on earth with taking care of her!! The point is she does not want to deal with the sale of the cars if something should happen to me! These cars have been a thorn in her side even in ohio! I gave up alot to come here and I am going to hold this deal thru! Fred
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Old 04-29-2019, 01:13 PM
 
Location: Fort Lauderdale, FL
598 posts, read 160,081 times
Reputation: 907
Quote:
Originally Posted by ChristineVA View Post
He's happy. She's not. Look, as you can see from my username, I'm a woman. Unfortunately, I know all too many women who enter into deals such as this, that they don't want to really do, thinking as time goes on they can pull some ultimatum on the guy and get their way.

I see it as the wife wanted to move to NJ, and Fred did not, AT ALL. Fred capitulates and says that he will move to the dreaded NJ if he can continue his classic car hobby in Ohio. The wife agrees to this. She should not have. I know enough women to know that she probably thought she'd make the move to NJ and a Fred would tire of his hobby or she'd start throwing down ultimatums. NOT fair.

My friend's mother pretended for years to love boating and put up with the boating lifestyle to get a ring on her finger. Once done, she was horrible about the boat, made him get rid of it, and it was truly unfair and manipulative.
It's called 'Bait & Switch', and is deceitful and manipulative.

Go Fred, and do what you want to!
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Old 04-29-2019, 01:14 PM
 
Location: Venus
4,760 posts, read 3,188,746 times
Reputation: 7937
Relationships are all about compromise. With my own marriage, I do things I don't like doing for my husband and he does things he doesn't like doing for me.

If I read your post correctly, this is one of those issues that could end up destroying your marriage, either from not giving into her ultimatum or you resenting her for the ultimatum she gave you.

My advice is sit down with her and have a serious discussion about what is at stake here and what you both want. This really shouldn't be an all or nothing situation. If you both give a little, maybe there is a way you can reach a compromise that you both can live with. And if you can't reach one on your own, talk to a counselor.

Good-luck


Cat
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Old 04-29-2019, 01:16 PM
 
12,104 posts, read 6,682,852 times
Reputation: 12952
Where do I find guys that like old cars, planes and boats?! And why wouldn't their wives enjoy those fun things too? Maybe they want a man who's into Minecraft and fantasy football and never leaves the man cave.
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