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The issue is not owning the cars. Its that Ohio and much of the mid west is very classic car centric. Northern NJ is certainly not. That’s like telling a man that likes to camp & fish in the Rockies that he can just as easily camp and fish in a NJ state park, same thing. It certainly is not. It’s much more than owning the cars, it’s an experience and dynamic. That’s why it was also a problem when they both lived in Ohio. He should stick to his original deal. The problem is hers.
One issue is distinction between "car culture" and the physical actuality of owning the cars. Cars can be stored and repaired anywhere, local-costs permitting. Car culture is harder to transplant, and is heavily contingent on local roots and local idiom. The OP could move his collect to say NE Pennsylvania, where land is cheaper and storage more tractable than in NJ... greatly simplifying the driving time and capacity to move back and forth. But would that address the issue of car culture?
I am an Ohio resident, and curiously enough, one reason that I dislike my locale is that I'm unable to partake of the local car culture - not in the sense of being anti-social or brusquely unable to interact with my peers, but simply being unable to find a "culture" into which to inject myself. That the OP has been able to successfully do so, over a long and productive lifetime, is commendable. Perhaps his wife ought to regard that achievement with grace and admiration, even if she misunderstands his hobby and finds his absences to be grating and unpleasant.
So then, the question: how much of this is the bare logistics of storing and fixing cars, and how much is the local culture?
You BOTH made a deal and she needs to keep to her side of the bargain. The way I see it it's not fair for her to backpedal on this or issue an ultimatum. If she is worried about what happens to the cars if something should happen to you, then take that worry out of the equation. Perhaps some couple counseling because this may be more than just cars. Does your wife really think her ultimatum will pave the way to a happy life with someone who will be unhappy and filled with resentment.
You BOTH made a deal and she needs to keep to her side of the bargain. The way I see it it's not fair for her to backpedal on this or issue an ultimatum. If she is worried about what happens to the cars if something should happen to you, then take that worry out of the equation. Perhaps some couple counseling because this may be more than just cars. Does your wife really think her ultimatum will pave the way to a happy life with someone who will be unhappy and filled with resentment.
Four months ago, Fred posted that he wanted out of the marriage:
Quote:
Going on 3 years now since we moved from Ohio to NJ to be closer to our kids and grandchildren!I never wanted to move here but I went along anyway! I have been spending my summers back in Ohio and commuting back to NJ for holidays and Family doings. I will never get used to this place and I count the days when I can return to Ohio! We never have fought more than we have in the last two years! I really think we are wasting our time staying married! 40 years last June
He "went along anyway" ungraciously and has been complaining about it ever since. I don't call that holding up one end of the deal.
thanks sigh! Sadly I agree with you. So sounds like Fred has some passive aggressive behaviour going on here and the wife is getting sick of it. Shouldn't have moved or just split up and spare the wife the constant resentment and aggro.
Keep the cars. Provide your wife with the names and contact info for trustworthy buyers in case of your sudden death.
You and your wife need someone to intervene to help with your relationship, or dissolution of same. I know of 'Granny Nannys' who were effectively kicked our of a child's home as soon as the grandkids did not need full time supervision. She needs to know this is a common outcome of chasing your kids cross-country to care for the Grands. When that happens, where will she be?
The issue is not owning the cars. Its that Ohio and much of the mid west is very classic car centric. Northern NJ is certainly not.
I'll just say that my NJ Classic Car experience is different from yours. Ohio ain't got nothin' on New Jersey where that's concerned. The roads are no better in Ohio, and the winters are just as long.
Fred said a major problem is paying a couple hundred bucks extra per month to stable his horses over winter. As others have posted.....there may be other underlying reasons at play here.
Fred -- I'd still like to know about the Cars in your Collection.
No, I would just keep the cars. It sounds like a good arrangement as is. One of our daughters is married to a classic car guy. She met him at age 18 at a high school graduation party, and he had driven his car [a '49 Ford] to the party. She was intrigued from the get-go.
There must be someone who could help with the selling of the cars, if need be. A good friend in Ohio, perhaps, or maybe a son-in-law. Classic car guys usually have lots of buddies. Does your wife come back for any of the fun summer events? A 4th of July event, perhaps? I do not understand why she would all of a sudden be worried, after all these years.
Enjoy yourselves, and live life to it's fullest while you can.
going back in a week and will start to make arrangements for the cars to be sold in case something happens! It will not appease her this I know for sure! I have a lot of friends back in Ohio that would help her out! Some would be more than happy to take off her hands for sure! Perrinva you hit the nail on the head !
going back in a week and will start to make arrangements for the cars to be sold in case something happens! It will not appease her this I know for sure! I have a lot of friends back in Ohio that would help her out! Some would be more than happy to take off her hands for sure! Perrinva you hit the nail on the head !
Well I sure hope you don’t make her pay for it With underlying resentment. It just doesn’t sound like there is a happy dynamic going on in your marriage.
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