U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Retirement
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 02-13-2018, 06:47 AM
 
Location: Asheville NC
1,602 posts, read 1,312,679 times
Reputation: 4165

Advertisements

We are 9 hours away from our son and family. We Live in Asheville, NC. Also about 10 to 12 hours away from other family. My son has already moved 3 times for his career. So there is no telling where he will be when we are elderly. We often meet in the middle at an air B and B or resort. We spent Christmas with them at their home. We do most of the traveling to see them because we are retired and so are flexible. I’m a marine corps brat so I was never stuck in one place as a child. When first married we lived away from family. I think it is a good thing for young marriages and families to rely on themselves and forge strong bonds together. We get multiple visits from family and friends a year because they love us and we live in a wonderful place. Go live where you are most comfortable in your early part of retirement. It is your last chance to do what you want to do.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 02-13-2018, 07:04 AM
 
Location: Central Mexico and Central Florida
7,096 posts, read 3,457,793 times
Reputation: 10158
Airplanes, people, airplanes.

If you want to retire in another state or part of the country, try to find a place that's an hour or less from an airport with easy flights to where your family is.

It became apparent to us in 2012 that we could not sustain frequent visits (neither financially or physically) to manage the care of an elderly parent in DC-Metro, from either of our retirement homes in Central Mexico and rural AZ. We just couldn't get there fast enough.

We did not want to return to DC-Metro to live as we had enjoyed warm winters for the (then) 10 years of our retirement.

We started to look in SC NC and GA for nice beach towns, but the reality was their winters were just OK (for us) and still involved 6 to 10 hour drives to DC Metro.

Then we looked into FL...found a funky lovely little beach town within 25 minutes drive of Tampa airport with 7 daily non-stops to DCA airports in under 2 hours (my FIL lived 25 minutes from both DCA and IAD).

It was an easy commute for us....we flew there every 6 weeks at the start, then monthly and then as needed (sometimes weekly) as his needs increased.

Air travel...use that as your connection to long distance family.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-13-2018, 07:08 AM
 
1,128 posts, read 789,028 times
Reputation: 2125
Quote:
Originally Posted by funisart View Post
We are 9 hours away from our son and family. We Live in Asheville, NC. Also about 10 to 12 hours away from other family. My son has already moved 3 times for his career. So there is no telling where he will be when we are elderly. We often meet in the middle at an air B and B or resort. We spent Christmas with them at their home. We do most of the traveling to see them because we are retired and so are flexible. I’m a marine corps brat so I was never stuck in one place as a child. When first married we lived away from family. I think it is a good thing for young marriages and families to rely on themselves and forge strong bonds together. We get multiple visits from family and friends a year because they love us and we live in a wonderful place. Go live where you are most comfortable in your early part of retirement. It is your last chance to do what you want to do.
Exactly! I agree 100% with your post. We have older friends who always advised us to go where WE could be happy. If that happens to be where one of our grown kids lives, great! But don’t move there to be closer because people are mobile today and must be free to go where the job takes them.
If you move by your kids/grandkids and they must relocate, it can cause hurt feelings. I’ve witnessed this in our extended family.
We adore our kids and grandkids, but have no desire to live in the same town. It does not change our relationships or make us any less close, but our kids are very independent. They were military brats and change was always part of their lives.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-13-2018, 07:16 AM
 
Location: Orlando
1,984 posts, read 2,633,656 times
Reputation: 7543
OP, obviously no one can make this decision for you -- we can only tell you what our own choices and preferences are, and maybe bring up some ideas that you hadn't yet considered.

As for me, I live in where I do because my only grandchild (age 3) is within easy walking distance of my condo. I take care of her two days a week, and sometimes get together with them for a weekend excursion. My granddaughter is the center of my life, and I am so grateful that I'm able to be so close to her and my daughter and son-in-law.

Having said that, I must add that I've never liked living in Florida, although I've been here since 1973. I'd love to be in a place with a lower cost of living and a less hot climate. But yesterday my granddaughter was sitting on my lap and she said, "I love you every day." I wouldn't miss this for anything.

Living two hours away would be much too far for me. My granddaughter's other grandmother lives about an hour and a quarter away, and she rarely gets to see our granddaughter. She won't drive here, and she complains that no one comes to visit her.

One poster in this thread encouraged OP to move, saying "Go live where you are most comfortable in your early part of retirement. It is your last chance to do what you want to do." But for me, I see this as my last chance to form a strong bond with my granddaughter. I could not do that via Skype.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-13-2018, 07:33 AM
 
Location: WA
5,394 posts, read 21,388,001 times
Reputation: 5889
Quote:
Originally Posted by dothetwist View Post

Airplanes, people, airplanes.

...
Exactly. We moved where we wanted to be but one priority was to be within an hour of a major airport. It has worked very well for visits in both directions.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-13-2018, 07:56 AM
 
Location: Tennessee
23,572 posts, read 17,544,804 times
Reputation: 27640
Let me turn this question around a bit.

Many folks, as they approach retirement, want to get out of the hustle and bustle of whatever large metropolitan area they previously lived in and want a quieter pace. How many people bounce between NJ and the Carolinas thinking the Carolinas will provide that Mayberry feel? How many people find it?

My parents are approaching retirement age. We all still live here in northeast TN, where we are all from. While I have a good job now, if something happens to it, I'm probably going to have to move or just resign myself to making $15/hr or so. There's not much opportunity here.

They aren't going to move. They've never lived anywhere else, and this is all they know. Even when he lost half his income in the recession, they remained dug in here. They're very averse to any sort of change at all.

Where is this all going to lead? I'll probably move off to a larger city in the next several years, and they will retire here. They're just 60 now, but what happens in ten years? Fifteen? I can't be running back to Kingsport from Charlotte, Raleigh, or Nashville every time they need a little something. My trips back here would be fewer and fewer if I had a wife and kids of my own. Other than to Charlotte, Atlanta, and a handful of Florida destinations, there are few direct flights in or out of our small local airport. The nearest major airport (Charlotte) is over three hours away. Flying back here wouldn't be quick or cheap.

When I moved to Indiana several years back completely sight unseen except the interview, it was a real pain, and I was just 28. Bringing a piece of furniture up the stairs? You don't have a second set of hands moving alone. Need car maintenance? You just have to wait around unless you're calling an Uber or something. When you're alone, and I mean really, truly alone in a new location, little issues that would be a minor inconvenience with friends and family around can become major ordeals.

The needs of a 60 or 65 year old are often far different than those of an 80+ year old. Most people are still healthy and independent in early retirement. As the years go on, they become less and less able. If someone is very elderly, moving away from family (assuming they're willing to help) is basically "going it alone." Younger, working age family members cannot always put their lives on hold to care for a stubborn, aging, and ailing relative in a far off location.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-13-2018, 08:12 AM
 
Location: Tennessee
23,572 posts, read 17,544,804 times
Reputation: 27640
Quote:
Originally Posted by JayCT View Post
I have never understood people that move far away from their family when they retire. You are basically making a decision to no longer be a significant part of your familyís life. That is fine but donít expect your family to visit you very much because they are not going to want to waste their precious little vacation time to visit you in what will likely be a community full of old people Year after year. And donít expect them to drop everything and come running when you have a medical emergency.

My MIL did this and could not understand why we did not visit more often. She would come for a few weeks in the summer but missed holidays and family events like birthdays, graduations, anniversaries, parties, etc. Her grandchildren are basically strangers to her. As years passed the health of her and her husband began to fail and there was no one there to help them as much as needed. There were numerous calls for issues like hearing aids not working, lost items, broken things, insurance problems, etc.

Flash forward several more years and her husband died, friends also die or move away and she is there alone. She had a serious medical problem and she was lucky one of her children had retired so they could go down and spend a month helping her get back on her feet. They then had to arrange for someone to come in to help her. Finally she gave in and moved back to be closer to family in her final years but so much had passed her by.

The OP says they hate New Jersey and would love to move to North Carolina. Someone said an 8 hour drive is not far. Are you nuts. 8 hours of driving is endless especially when you get older and on the east coast that drive could easily extend several hours due to traffic. Remember between NC and NJ are major cities like Baltimore and Washington DC. Who wants to drive through or near them?

You need to weigh your options. Are you willing to give up your family to live somewhere you think you may like? Are you willing to place the burden of distance on your family in the not too distant future. Though a small state New Jersey has a wide range of places to live. There are less expensive places to live there so you might look for a place an hour or two away. You might post on the New Jersey forum for suggestions of possible places there to move. Good luck. Jay
Very good post.

If my family were to pack up and move to Florida from Tennessee, I'd probably just get to see them around Thanksgiving and Christmas. I only get 12-13 days of PTO. That's barely enough to meet any day to day errands and obligations, much less a vacation, or trips to see family.

Also, the senior, in moving away, is basically going completely DIY. For wealthier people that can hire everything out, that may not be an issue, but for average folks, the costs can be prohibitive.

My grandmother is 82, and had a knee replacement yesterday. Her mobility has gotten much worse over the years, to the point she was basically no longer able to do her own shopping, etc. We've been able to keep her in her home for a couple of years now, to the tune if family wasn't around, she'd have to go to a nursing home.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-13-2018, 08:27 AM
 
43 posts, read 37,781 times
Reputation: 41
Quote:
Originally Posted by JayCT View Post
I have never understood people that move far away from their family when they retire. You are basically making a decision to no longer be a significant part of your familyís life.


Though a small state New Jersey has a wide range of places to live. There are less expensive places to live there so you might look for a place an hour or two away. You might post on the New Jersey forum for suggestions of possible places there to move. Good luck. Jay
I normally would not understand moving away UNLESS you live in a ridiculous state that is out of control! The way the state gov't is run effects the whole state, there are high property taxes everywhere here. People leave NJ in droves. We don't know how long our kids will be here--they moved here a year ago. They very well may realize they cannot afford it. For now they are willing to pay the price.
Family is very important to us and if it were in a more reasonable area, we wouldn't even consider moving away from them. And like I said, we have a licensing issue with my husband's profession so we can't live in a nearby state.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-13-2018, 11:19 AM
 
562 posts, read 931,447 times
Reputation: 379
Quote:
Originally Posted by lallen1 View Post
I normally would not understand moving away UNLESS you live in a ridiculous state that is out of control! The way the state gov't is run effects the whole state, there are high property taxes everywhere here. People leave NJ in droves. We don't know how long our kids will be here--they moved here a year ago. They very well may realize they cannot afford it. For now they are willing to pay the price.
Family is very important to us and if it were in a more reasonable area, we wouldn't even consider moving away from them. And like I said, we have a licensing issue with my husband's profession so we can't live in a nearby state.
Of course it is hard to leave family and move away for retirement. We own property in coastal NC and will be building there end of this year. We will be going from $16,000 property taxes in NJ to $2500 in NC. One daughter lives in Colorado with her boyfriend; my son is going to probably join the Air Force as an officer (college graduate) and my oldest with three children ages 17,15 and 10 live up the street from my sister. We plan on coming up every 6-8 weeks or so via plane or car to see the grandkids and son & wife. We are in our mid 60's and retiring this year. You CANT be expected to follow your children because you don't know where they will wind up. Son wishes to be assigned somewhere in the south - but we don't know that.....The grandkids are going to be going to colleges soon - so there is no reason to stay around for them, either......By the time we are in our 80's or so and need help - THAT will be the time to get closer to the child you think will be a better caregiver if need be. However, we are moving to a very nice community where everyone looks after each other and that is why this is not more upsetting about us leaving.....That is my thought on this.....
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 02-13-2018, 11:50 AM
 
Location: Fort Lauderdale, Florida
9,203 posts, read 8,287,258 times
Reputation: 19909
No, live your life for yourself and your husband.

We moved to South Florida with his aging parents in Asheville and my aging parents in Myrtle Beach.

The kids are spread out in Virginia, North Carolina, and Seattle, Washington.

We still all see each other pretty regularly.

We wanted to be able to establish a life where we wanted to retire BEFORE we retired. We already feel we are part of a community here in Fort Lauderdale.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Retirement
Similar Threads
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2019, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top