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Old 03-17-2019, 03:43 PM
 
1 posts, read 723 times
Reputation: 41

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married?? I am not. I was in 2 dysfunctional marriages with 2 kids in each. Then, a 2-1/2 yr relationship that drained my life savings leading me to file bankruptcy in fall of 2018. I am 63. My adult children are 40, 37, 29 and 26. The oldest is married, successful, happy and has my grandson 14, who - due to my marriage was rarely in my life. There are no other grandchildren. My youngest son and daughter-in-law have talked me into moving up to Oregon where they live and using their cabin in the woods as my home. I need peace and calm so badly. I can afford to live there on my SSI benefits alone. I have spent my entire life learning and accommodating everyone else's needs and interest until I have no clue as to who I am and what I like (food, movies, music, decor, tv shows...) I never chose those things - just went along with whoever was making the selection. I plan to make this move in about 3 months. AND, I am excited about it! I will be 1-1/2 hours from my Son and Daughter in law, so not bothering them all of the time. I am just a phone call/facetime away from my other 3 and grandson. NOTE: they don't call now but, "need" me near them... I get a text on my BD and Mother's Day. I don't mind. But, I do mind the guilting of my inaccessibility to them. My Son and Daughter-in-law are actually the only ones who have checked on me, called me and even sent gifts to me on occasions. I need the peace. I need the fresh air. I need to learn how to give myself permission to have an opinion or feeling that is my own. I am looking forward to this!
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Old 03-18-2019, 06:26 PM
 
Location: Virginia
172 posts, read 108,057 times
Reputation: 508
My children's jobs took them away for a few years. They were so homesick for family. My son-in-law got a great job locally and got out of the military. Now they live 30 minutes away. My son just got stationed back here for his last duty station in the military. He could not wait to get home. All he wanted to do was move and travel. And now he will tell you there is nothing like family. All of their cousins, aunts, uncles, 2nd cousins, etc. all live around us. I hope to never be more than a couple of hours away from my children. We have so much family they lives around us and some that are just a few hours away and we all spend lots of time together throughout the year. This is part of what retirement looks like to me. And where we live offers most of everything we want- four seasons, milder winters with one or two snows a year, the beach, boating, concerts, festivals, wineries, breweries, etc. etc. I hope I will always be able to be a part of their life more than a couple times a year. But, I certainly understand if others feel differently. We all have different relationships and want different things.
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Old 03-19-2019, 09:16 AM
 
Location: Location: Happy Place
3,697 posts, read 1,875,095 times
Reputation: 11344
My husband's kids didn't visit him when he lived ten minutes away from us. We had few qualms about moving 2500 miles away and retiring in a southern state.

In three years, we received ONE visit from the favorite daughter and her children. We kept them busy, paid for everything and showed them a good time. They seemed to enjoy it. We did.
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Old 03-19-2019, 10:53 AM
 
Location: Columbia SC
8,992 posts, read 7,758,201 times
Reputation: 12201
My wife and I moved away from my two kids. Though my wife was not their mother, they were very close. Actually closer with her than their mother.

My son was happy for us. He said go, live, enjoy. We can visit which we do.

My daughter was really upset. It was like do you not love us (her and grandkids)? We have little to no communication with her. I lay the blame at her feet.
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Old 03-20-2019, 06:41 PM
 
146 posts, read 67,470 times
Reputation: 557
I have lived 8 hours away from most of the kids and grandkids for a long time, yeah sometimes it is a drag but I live out in the country and I like it, I can drive the 8 hours in 1 day if I need to see the kids. I got lucky when 1 of my kids move 20 min from me. She went to college here but left afterwards. Now her and her husband and a bunch of grandsons live on the other side of town. It is pretty nice. Life is always changing, be a change agent and embrace the change.



It is awful hot here in the summer though, as I get older I do not like it. I may move again. I cannot embrace the heat.
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Old 03-21-2019, 09:17 AM
 
115 posts, read 50,624 times
Reputation: 276
We're moving cross country. My husband loves his son, but he doesn't visit that often now. We're three hours away. His wife will never leave the area as that's where her family is. We want to see something new and live where the cost of living is cheaper. It's not like my stepson will take care of us.

It's going to be different for everyone, but I think we have as much of a right as young people to decide where we want to live.
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Old 03-21-2019, 09:34 AM
 
3,604 posts, read 1,646,978 times
Reputation: 13548
Quote:
Originally Posted by Heartsong63 View Post
married?? I am not. I was in 2 dysfunctional marriages with 2 kids in each. Then, a 2-1/2 yr relationship that drained my life savings leading me to file bankruptcy in fall of 2018. I am 63. My adult children are 40, 37, 29 and 26. The oldest is married, successful, happy and has my grandson 14, who - due to my marriage was rarely in my life. There are no other grandchildren. My youngest son and daughter-in-law have talked me into moving up to Oregon where they live and using their cabin in the woods as my home. I need peace and calm so badly. I can afford to live there on my SSI benefits alone. I have spent my entire life learning and accommodating everyone else's needs and interest until I have no clue as to who I am and what I like (food, movies, music, decor, tv shows...) I never chose those things - just went along with whoever was making the selection. I plan to make this move in about 3 months. AND, I am excited about it! I will be 1-1/2 hours from my Son and Daughter in law, so not bothering them all of the time. I am just a phone call/facetime away from my other 3 and grandson. NOTE: they don't call now but, "need" me near them... I get a text on my BD and Mother's Day. I don't mind. But, I do mind the guilting of my inaccessibility to them. My Son and Daughter-in-law are actually the only ones who have checked on me, called me and even sent gifts to me on occasions. I need the peace. I need the fresh air. I need to learn how to give myself permission to have an opinion or feeling that is my own. I am looking forward to this!
I am excited for you, and wish you well. Hope you post about it down the road.
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Old 03-21-2019, 11:19 AM
 
Location: Forest Service Cabin 90% of the yr
83 posts, read 23,521 times
Reputation: 96
Quote:
Originally Posted by lallen1 View Post
Hi All, We aren’t retired yet but just wanting input from those of you who have left kids/grandkids to move somewhere more affordable or desirable. I'm sure this question has been asked many times before but just wondering what your experience has been for those of you who have done this.
Husband and I are so torn, 1 year ago we followed our kids back to NJ after leaving there 10 years ago because we didn't like it and cost of living/property taxes are ridiculous. So we are back in NJ and bought a tiny condo to live in (that's all we could afford) so we could be close to kids and 4 very young grandkids. We love our family but we hate living in NJ, and the tiny condo just isn't working out. We can't move to PA or anywhere nearby due to licensing issues with my husband's profession. We love North Carolina and would move there in a heartbeat but it is an 8 hour drive away from family.
Any experienced responses to this would be appreciated. Thanks.
Just some suggestions
I would consider moving BUT not 8 hrs away, UNLESS you can somehow get a ride share to come visit them on. a regular basis. Meaning sharing the gas$$ and spending the night somewhere 2x a month. Making once a month a day to spend with Grandma/Grandpa. Taking the kids somewhere like the zoo, or whatever.

If your adult children have interests in your hometown, such as it's a ski area and they are skiers, that would help. Then you'd know they'd be willing to drive the 8 hrs to your home. Gas is so expensive it's almost unfair to expect them to drive that far. Maybe keep your grandkids for at least a few weeks each summer.

You might consider asking them which towns they like which are a few hrs from your current location.
Check out the COLA's, find the lowest one with less crime in a half way desirable area.

I placed an add on CL and got someone to contribute to gas. The kids and I give a guy a ride back from work 2x a week, after we've done their inventory shopping for their EBAY Store. He pays $8 a week, $32 a mo so the kids don't need to pay so much to cover the gas costs driving them an extra hour to pick up inventory.

Every long trip place an add on CL and Carpool sharing gas costs.
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Old 03-25-2019, 11:04 PM
 
397 posts, read 157,538 times
Reputation: 1118
We wouldn't move away from family. We love doing things with our family. I just quit my job to be able to assist caring for our grandson three days a week. Love it! Sad that you want to miss all of the fun. Also, as we age, we need them more than they need us.
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Old 04-16-2019, 06:33 PM
 
1,316 posts, read 1,737,212 times
Reputation: 1696
Made the decision to move 800 miles away from all that we had known including family as it had been a lifelong dream to move to Colorado when we retired. After a year here, we learned that our only child was expecting twins. Now, all of our vacation budget is spent going back and forth to see the grand-twins. Although we like many aspects here which are very different from where we lived all our lives and hold no regrets for giving it a try, it just does not feel like home. So...we are giving serious thought to moving back to a small town about two hours away from DD and other family. That way, it won't be quite the hassle to get together now and then and we can grow old in a familiar locale knowing we gave the Colorado life a good try.
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