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Old 02-12-2018, 02:35 PM
 
43 posts, read 37,771 times
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Hi All, We aren’t retired yet but just wanting input from those of you who have left kids/grandkids to move somewhere more affordable or desirable. I'm sure this question has been asked many times before but just wondering what your experience has been for those of you who have done this.
Husband and I are so torn, 1 year ago we followed our kids back to NJ after leaving there 10 years ago because we didn't like it and cost of living/property taxes are ridiculous. So we are back in NJ and bought a tiny condo to live in (that's all we could afford) so we could be close to kids and 4 very young grandkids. We love our family but we hate living in NJ, and the tiny condo just isn't working out. We can't move to PA or anywhere nearby due to licensing issues with my husband's profession. We love North Carolina and would move there in a heartbeat but it is an 8 hour drive away from family.
Any experienced responses to this would be appreciated. Thanks.
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Old 02-12-2018, 02:56 PM
 
2,561 posts, read 1,018,889 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lallen1 View Post
Hi All, We arenít retired yet but just wanting input from those of you who have left kids/grandkids to move somewhere more affordable or desirable. I'm sure this question has been asked many times before but just wondering what your experience has been for those of you who have done this.
Husband and I are so torn, 1 year ago we followed our kids back to NJ after leaving there 10 years ago because we didn't like it and cost of living/property taxes are ridiculous. So we are back in NJ and bought a tiny condo to live in (that's all we could afford) so we could be close to kids and 4 very young grandkids. We love our family but we hate living in NJ, and the tiny condo just isn't working out. We can't move to PA or anywhere nearby due to licensing issues with my husband's profession. We love North Carolina and would move there in a heartbeat but it is an 8 hour drive away from family.
Any experienced responses to this would be appreciated. Thanks.
We are looking forward to moving away from our adult child who is very needy.
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Old 02-12-2018, 03:06 PM
 
Location: The Triad (NC)
28,487 posts, read 62,101,894 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lallen1 View Post

I'm sure this question has been asked many times before but ...
Assuming that you all get along and actually do want to see each other regularly...
can the various adults afford to do that traveling and/or take time from work other things?
And when that traveling happens where are the extra bedrooms and bathrooms needed?
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Old 02-12-2018, 03:17 PM
 
43 posts, read 37,771 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MrRational View Post
Assuming that you all get along and actually do want to see each other regularly...
can the various adults afford to do that traveling and/or take time from work other things?
And when that traveling happens where are the extra bedrooms and bathrooms needed?
Our kids wouldn't be able to afford to visit much, we would have to do most of the traveling and cram into their tiny apartments for a visit, or pay for them to come visit. My husband and I would still have to work.
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Old 02-12-2018, 03:36 PM
 
Location: Florida -
8,760 posts, read 10,832,098 times
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We moved from Central Florida to Northern Florida to be closer to our grandkids and kids - and don't regret moving closer to family. But, moving from a long-time location where one is established prior to retirement ... is a lot more difficult after retirement than many imagine.

OTOH, 8-hours distance in retirement is not that big of a deal -- particularly if it enables one to live where they better enjoy and can afford life.
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Old 02-12-2018, 05:30 PM
 
6,608 posts, read 3,738,816 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lallen1 View Post
Hi All, We arenít retired yet but just wanting input from those of you who have left kids/grandkids to move somewhere more affordable or desirable. I'm sure this question has been asked many times before but just wondering what your experience has been for those of you who have done this.
Husband and I are so torn, 1 year ago we followed our kids back to NJ after leaving there 10 years ago because we didn't like it and cost of living/property taxes are ridiculous. So we are back in NJ and bought a tiny condo to live in (that's all we could afford) so we could be close to kids and 4 very young grandkids. We love our family but we hate living in NJ, and the tiny condo just isn't working out. We can't move to PA or anywhere nearby due to licensing issues with my husband's profession. We love North Carolina and would move there in a heartbeat but it is an 8 hour drive away from family.
Any experienced responses to this would be appreciated. Thanks.
I am single female. I just moved back to neighboring state to be near family (not my plan, but my father, who is getting on in years wanted me to, and my plan to move elsewhere fell through).

I HATE it here. I am miserable. I feel like my life is on hold, because I can't get comfortable here and accept that I will stay. Yet, I'm not sure I can sell my house, esp for what I paid.

I do want to be near my father, since he may not live much longer. After that, there's my older brother, who is convinced he'll die in a few years because of family history (he has some medical issues, too). He may need me. But he does have extended family to help him. Not the same as having me nearby, though. And my father has my half brother here to help him, should he need it. My father and his wife are both not well (her especially). So I'm not really "needed," but he wants me nearby, since I lived away for so long.

So I'm torn. Should I stay here, miserable, and wait for my father to pass away, so I can share his life before that time comes? Should I stay for my brother?

I should add that there will be no one here to help me, when I get frail. And this is NOT a place where an elderly frail woman should live alone (hurricane zone, no public transportation, etc.).

I'm torn. I'm getting more and more unpleasant to be around, as time goes on and as I go into depression because of my circumstances. One thing after another keeps going wrong, as well. Like an omen that I shouldn't be here.

What I've noticed about others who move to be near family is that while you THINK you want to share the lives of your grandkids and kids, they will go on about their lives and will forget about you in due course. You know how it is when you're young. You're busy, you have lots of friends, etc. OTOH, your kids will be nearby when the time comes that you need assistance. And you will get to see your grandkids on and off.

I can't advise you. Heck, I can't even advise myself. It's a hard decision many of us have to face. I wish I had a crystal ball to see what it would be like if I were to move and if I were to stay.
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Old 02-12-2018, 05:31 PM
 
Location: Sierra Nevada Land, CA
8,388 posts, read 9,134,430 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lallen1 View Post
Our kids wouldn't be able to afford to visit much, we would have to do most of the traveling and cram into their tiny apartments for a visit, or pay for them to come visit. My husband and I would still have to work.
No motels where they live?

Two points. You hate NJ. Why live in an area you hate? Life is too short. Second, on this board a number people seem to try chasing their kids as they move from place to place, which often doesn’t work well. I understand your situation is the opposite. But in my opinion, moving to a place you love is OK. Why live in a place you hate?

Even if it means moving some distance from where your kids live. What if child A or B gets a great job offer in Texas or CA and moves?

Last edited by Mr5150; 02-12-2018 at 06:07 PM..
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Old 02-12-2018, 06:11 PM
 
Location: Boston
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hop on the the Cape May Ferry and look for a place in Southern Delaware. Much cheaper than Jersey.
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Old 02-12-2018, 07:52 PM
 
Location: S.W. Florida
2,206 posts, read 929,655 times
Reputation: 6218
Quote:
Originally Posted by lallen1 View Post
Hi All, We arenít retired yet but just wanting input from those of you who have left kids/grandkids to move somewhere more affordable or desirable. I'm sure this question has been asked many times before but just wondering what your experience has been for those of you who have done this.
Husband and I are so torn, 1 year ago we followed our kids back to NJ after leaving there 10 years ago because we didn't like it and cost of living/property taxes are ridiculous. So we are back in NJ and bought a tiny condo to live in (that's all we could afford) so we could be close to kids and 4 very young grandkids. We love our family but we hate living in NJ, and the tiny condo just isn't working out. We can't move to PA or anywhere nearby due to licensing issues with my husband's profession. We love North Carolina and would move there in a heartbeat but it is an 8 hour drive away from family.
Any experienced responses to this would be appreciated. Thanks.
First of all, 8 hours is not that far away. In an emerg you can fly there very quickly.

You need to do whatís best for YOU, not your children. I moved 1200 miles away from my grown kids, knowing a flight back there takes less than 3 hours. They are busy with their own families,as it should be, and it was time for me to do what Iíve been wanting to do. Donít regret a thing about my decision.
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Old 02-12-2018, 08:14 PM
 
167 posts, read 74,352 times
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We moved 2 hrs away from our 26 year old son almost 4 months ago.

Since you are cash strapped, motels and flying would be expensive.

Our son comes up once a month saying he will stay for the day but stays overnight leaving around 11am the following day. It is SO NICE to be with him all night to talk. He said he is going to try to take time off to stay for the weekend next month. He took time off this month moving into a Condo he purchased. I talk to him about 3x a month on the phone too.

if we moved 8 hrs, or even 3 hrs, he'd consider hard before deciding to come up. It's alot more work to drive up. We'd probably see him every other month for a weekend, if I were to guess.

I would take a pen and map. Place the pen smack dab on your town.
Then make a circle around that town of all of the towns within a few hours or so.
Try to find an inexpensive town that appeals to you. Utilize Sperlings Best Places, wiki, youtube, etc.. to see photos of the town first, what jobs are available, and how clean the air is. A tourist type town may allow you to work double during that particular season. Consider switching jobs if needed. Family is very important.

This is what we did. We moved here due to recreational opportunities, clean air, and housing costs are less. it is less expensive. More snow here but we're adapting. We cycle more often. I've lost 1/2 a pants size, husband lost about 10lbs in about 3-4 months. We've met many people. Joined a hiking group. We love it here. Blessed to find an inexpensive house. I can work extra for 2.5 months out of the year when the Tourists visit. Need it to apply to gas costs for my longer commute now to work. Visited towns for 6 months until finding this one. It was alot of fun to go out on weekends

I now commute 1.5 hrs each way to work. Kept the same job. It is 3 hrs round trip each week since my shifts are 18 & 18.5 hrs- all scheduled within 3 days. So I have 4 days off. Didnt' want to commute but get a new job EXCEPT there are almost no jobs here, closeby.

No cheap grocery stores, no organic grocery stores, and almost an hour to a few larger towns which provide jobs. People go shopping once a week driving about 45 min to the nearest town. It appears it will likely take a while to shorten my commute, jobs are not plentiful even 45 min away from here.. My husband has a business so will work with him tomorrow. Overall we are very very happy to be living here. It's paradise on earth Hopefully you have time to check out the different locations, and might need to be open to changing careers/jobs to make it work. Best of luck to you.

Last edited by DaddyLongLeg; 02-12-2018 at 08:37 PM..
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