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Another retired friend and I were recently discussing how retired people, even total strangers, have zero qualms about asking questions about your finances in retirement. We have both experienced this.
It happened to me again today with a tenant in my building (a low-income senior apartment building) I had never met before. We started chatting about my dog, then after blabbing a bit, he asked if I had a one-bedroom, then wondered how I could afford it, and did I have a pension and I looked too young to be on SSA retirement, so how did I afford it without being old enough to be on SSA retirement.
Really dang nosy! But, this is not uncommon from my experience. It really was not about him hitting on me. This happens equally with women and men. And my friend does have a pension and money and owns her own place - but she said she encounters this type of nosiness, too on a regular basis.
I can understand to some degree that others who are retired are curious how other retired people afford things, etc., but it is just so weird to me how the norms of not being overly nosy and asking personal questions of strangers, are thrown out the window regarding how other seniors afford their lives, and what their sources of income are, etc.
Have you also encountered this? And how do you handle it? I need to figure out some kind of standard answers. I swear this guy today absolutely grilled me! It was disturbing. He was more over the top than the normal encounters I've had, but it's still unnerving to have strangers asking me about my money! And I feel quite sure they were trained not to do so, and never would have done so prior to being retired.
So, why is someone's retirement finances info okay to butt into, when they never would have asked someone's financial info prior to becoming retired?
Another retired friend and I were recently discussing how retired people, even total strangers, have zero qualms about asking questions about your finances in retirement. We have both experienced this.
It happened to me again today with a tenant in my building (a low-income senior apartment building) I had never met before. We started chatting about my dog, then after blabbing a bit, he asked if I had a one-bedroom, then wondered how I could afford it, and did I have a pension and I looked too young to be on SSA retirement, so how did I afford it without being old enough to be on SSA retirement.
Really dang nosy! But, this is not uncommon from my experience. It really was not about him hitting on me. This happens equally with women and men. And my friend does have a pension and money and owns her own place - but she said she encounters this type of nosiness, too on a regular basis.
I can understand to some degree that others who are retired are curious how other retired people afford things, etc., but it is just so weird to me how the norms of not being overly nosy and asking personal questions of strangers, are thrown out the window regarding how other seniors afford their lives, and what their sources of income are, etc.
Have you also encountered this? And how do you handle it? I need to figure out some kind of standard answers. I swear this guy today absolutely grilled me! It was disturbing. He was more over the top than the normal encounters I've had, but it's still unnerving to have strangers asking me about my money! And I feel quite sure they were trained not to do so, and never would have done so prior to being retired.
So, why is someone's retirement finances info okay to butt into, when they never would have asked someone's financial info prior to becoming retired?
And how do you deal with these people?
This is simple.
Tell people you saved money your entire life instead of buying worthless crap to keep up with the Jones's
Perhaps you appear to be doing better than you and was hoping you'd give him your 'secret' or at least some hints.
I would go with this ^^^. I inquire with retired family members, but usually about cost of living expenses compared to previous home. We lived in the same area, and are looking to retire where they currently own a home (they have two), and want to get a real life idea. Never asked "How much Pension, or SS", just what the difference is in the basics such as Taxes and utilities. As far as retired coworkers, I ask about the retirement process, never anything more. Would never ask a stranger, only those I feel close enough and trust to get a true answer.
It has been my experience that some Old people become nosy and impertinent. This type of Old person will ask direct, personal questions and make direct, personal remarks in public, possibly because "nobody cares what I say any more, and even if they do, I don't care what they think, because my desire for gossip overrides all other considerations."
For some reason, no one has yet asked us how much money we have; but I'm sure it will happen. When we get hit with impertinent questions and remarks from complete strangers about our weight, our hair, our "looks" in general, our age, marital status, status as parents, and health issues (since these unpleasant encounters often happen in waiting rooms) the nosy questions *always* come from people who appear to be in their 70s or older. I don't think younger people can be bothered.
Telling people how much I earn has never been a problem with me, ask and I shall tell, because what I earn is not a true measure of my self.
If what I did financially to prepare myself for retirement, for one thing I bought down buying a condo and delayed taking social security just short of my 70th birthday, and maybe that idea will help people.
What do I earn? About $75k but I have always loved my job, I actually look forward to going in to work on Monday morning and am in reasonable good health which makes me among the richest people on earth.
When will I retire? I can retire anytime I want to but I don't want to yet. That's freedom.
Our total retirement income is $5,014 but that is before all medical and insurance expense. To protect my wife I still carry a lot of life insurance so as it ends up after medical and insurance we are right at $3,800.60 to spend every month of which we have $2,037.24 left over after all utilities, property tax, HOA fee and mortgage. Yep, I still have a mortgage which is one reason I am still working. By working I should have the mortgage paid off in two years, I will drop one of the life insurance policies and we will end up with right at $3,000 left over every month for food and entertainment.
I don't get the secrecy thing really. Some parents don't even discuss family finance with their children and I believe this needs to start at an early age.... like 12 or 13 so they can prepare for the financial realities of life. That is what I did and I believe the success shows with how the kids have done.
Telling people how much I earn has never been a problem with me, ask and I shall tell, because what I earn is not a true measure of my self.
If what I did financially to prepare myself for retirement, for one thing I bought down buying a condo and delayed taking social security just short of my 70th birthday, and maybe that idea will help people.
What do I earn? About $75k but I have always loved my job, I actually look forward to going in to work on Monday morning and am in reasonable good health which makes me among the richest people on earth.
When will I retire? I can retire anytime I want to but I don't want to yet. That's freedom.
Our total retirement income is $5,014 but that is before all medical and insurance expense. To protect my wife I still carry a lot of life insurance so as it ends up after medical and insurance we are right at $3,800.60 to spend every month of which we have $2,037.24 left over after all utilities, property tax, HOA fee and mortgage. Yep, I still have a mortgage which is one reason I am still working. By working I should have the mortgage paid off in two years, I will drop one of the life insurance policies and we will end up with right at $3,000 left over every month for food and entertainment.
I don't get the secrecy thing really. Some parents don't even discuss family finance with their children and I believe this needs to start at an early age.... like 12 or 13 so they can prepare for the financial realities of life. That is what I did and I believe the success shows with how the kids have done.
My fellow employees knew I had become wealthy. When you are deferring $700 a pay, word gets around. Now that I am retired and working part-time, I watch what I say about finances. This field does not pay well, and it could be embarrassing if my coworkers knew just how well-off I am. I am working for the additional Medicare credits, not for the money.
When I was growing up, personal finances were a bigger secret than sex. Even when I told my parents in 2013 that I had become a millionaire, my dad did not provide any additional information about his finances. My mom had dementia by then. My sister and I did have copies of the living trust and a list of assets, but when dad died in 2014, the list turned out to be outdated. It took me a couple of years to get a handle on the finances.
I agree with you about children and finances. I tell people in my age group that you need to talk to your children about finances. Even better, involve them in the family budget as they are growing up. That way they can understand why you don't drive a BMW, or even have the premium cable package. The money is just not there.
If someone asks an overly personal question (in your opinion) just reply with the old Ann Landers standard answer "Why do you want to know?" They will either tell you a valid reason for wanting to know, or have to admit they're just nosy. Or you can just say "I think that's a bit of a personal question, don't you?" or ,"I don't discuss such personal details of my life", or "None of your damn business".
Honestly some people are just nosy and rude. Others are just curious how you might appear to be doing so well when they aren't. And that's still nosy and rude in my opinion.
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