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Some people are just like that. Nobody has threatened to move in with us yet, but our nephew borrowed money and hasn't made any effort to repay. He seems to think we owe it to him in some way.
Thailand sounds like fun for a month or two. CC&Rs sound like a a good way to back up your "no".
Aside from that, a plain "no" is the strongest position. If you give reasons (house isn't big enough/my dog is allergic to you/I like my privacy), they become points of negotiation.
Some people are just like that. Nobody has threatened to move in with us yet, but our nephew borrowed money and hasn't made any effort to repay. He seems to think we owe it to him in some way.
Thailand sounds like fun for a month or two. CC&Rs sound like a a good way to back up your "no".
Aside from that, a plain "no" is the strongest position. If you give reasons (house isn't big enough/my dog is allergic to you/I like my privacy), they become points of negotiation.
Send nephew a bill and include interest payments if paid more than 30 days from day of mailing.
That is the most accurate assessment of the opinions expressed. We have not allowed ourselves to become doormats. We are tired of the continually expressed opinion that somehow 'we owe them' because we haven't squandered all our opportunities.
Two stories come to mind:
The Parable of the Talents in the Bible
The children's story of The Little Red Hen.
I see The Little Red Hen as the most appropriate for this situation. We have already decided we will be the Little Red Hen and her Rooster!
So apparently Ourselves, Lodestar, and a couple of Lodestar's friends are the only ones who have to endure this. Or a lot of others are simply keeping their fingers off their keyboards. I am guessing the second sentence is the most accurate.
In my family, not at all. Hasn’t happened, can only imagine it would under very extenuating circumstances. And given my relationship with my sisters, they would be welcome with open arms.
Ex friends? Oh yeah. The idea is they spend their money, and then find friends and relatives to finance their lifestyles.
I caught on at less than a grand, but others lost far more. And yes, I heard often this would be a great kids room, and it’s not like you use your dining room.
I also see it on the boards here. There’s an entitlement attitude I see over money. The ones who don’t have money expect “the rich” to finance everything for them. But what’s rich? Anyone who knows anything about money a million isn’t that much any more. But some people think if you have two dimes, you are rich and you should give them one.
And I see it in our parcel taxes. As our area becomes increasingly rentals, the schools and lighting districts and other public entities use parcel taxes on each property for money. They put their issues on the ballot, and because it says parcel tax, the renters vote for it, because they don’t pay it. Then they wonder why rents go up.
I’m not saying there isn’t a huge wage disparity issue, there is. But there is also an entitlement issue. Maybe the two go hand in hand. Along with a lot of anger.
Somehow you have given your wive's relatives the impression that you are rich; and will therefore take care of them. Why would they assume its OK? You mention they are constantly using her and it sounds like you and your wife are letting them.
You know its not normal and its ridiculous for more than one sibling to expect such treatment. You know what to do, you can squash this right now.
Last edited by BabyJuly; 02-19-2018 at 12:24 PM..
Reason: spelling
More than one of my wife's siblings has indicated they want/expect to move in with my wife and I as we approach and enter retirement. They will all be entering retirement dead broke. My wife's response is that she wants to move to Thailand and volunteer in an Elephant Rescue to get away from her family, their constant using of her and emotional toil they dump on her (us). I reminded my wife that she does not like Thai food, but she said she didn't care about that.
Anyone else have this or similar situation? We can't be the only ones faced with a duty to self and duty to dysfunctional 'family' dilemma.
We live three hours away but fear that isn't far enough. I countered Thailand with a Red Deer preserve in New Zealand.
I understand, as my brother and his wife "fell" on hard times and hinted to do the same. I told them that was NOT possible. The reasons?
They are spenders. They borrowed heavily on their home when I and others advised them NOT to. They put in a new kitchen, paid fully for a fence, and then added on a loft for their dogs when they already had a three bedroom house. I told them not to borrow from the equity of their home, because they could eventually lose their home. They rarely saw a new car that they didn't like. My bother loves anything electronic and buys computers, appliances, phones, games, etc. All has to be the newest thing on the market. She loves household goods. They also like to eat out.
They are such kind people, so it is hard. My mother warned me close to her death not to help them. She said that she had helped them many times because they claimed it was an "emergency." Their dog was sick, their mortgage needed to be paid. She said that it did NO good and had NO affect on their spending habits.
Eventually, my SIL lost her job due to "stress." The company eventually fired her. Without her added income, they could not meet the financial obligations of the mortgage and equity loans. They lost their house and blamed all of us siblings for not helping them in their time of need. They had to rent a house. Soon, that house was too expensive, so they moved to a cheaper city within our state. To their credit, they are working hard on their own.
I hope that they make it. IF they came to me for food, I would give them a bag of it. That is it. I need my money to support us, who are retired and in declining health. I just had my 6TH surgery....
If I were you, moving is NOT the option. I would stay, but tell them they are on their own. Give them information about SS, and other government agencies. Maybe they can qualify for government housing that is cheap. Don't let them through the door. Once you let them in, they become "tenants," even though they don't pay rent. You may have to evict them, and that gets nasty and expensive, especially when you need a lawyer. Your wife though, sounds like she wants them to move in. If so, you have a different problem. You may have to make decisions about your marriage and your life.
Good luck. "Do not believe what people say, believe what they do." If she allows them to move in, this is what she wants to happen.
There is ALWAYS "more to the story" of someone's financial plight. See Post #57. They just don't share with friends and relatives, or ask for advice from those they see doing well.
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